buckets of affection.

i'm a distracted guy.

VERY. distracted. 

i have the attention span of a 2 year old in Toys-r-Us.

it has come to my attention that i have an emotional disconnect. 

a what?

that's right kittens, an emotional disconnect. 

i will listen to your problems until the sun peeks over the horizon. 

but how long will you listen to mine?

you won't.

why?

cause that is not my style. 

i stopped telling people HOW i feel, but WHY i feel.

i pray that makes sense. 

if not, there is no use in you reading further. go make some chex mix or something.

if so...continue. 

some families are very affectionate. 

they kiss goodbye.

kiss goodnight. 

kiss hello.

kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss. 

hugs are thrown around like drunken lovers.

back rubs and hand holds are all the rage.

and the, i love yous, hover in a room like a cheap perfume.

others are just huggers. 

they hug hello and hug goodbye.

exchange small talk and sports scores. 

weather patters and stock points.

i love you is said on anniversaries and birthday cards. 

then there are the hand shakers. 

they shake hands. 

no hugs. 

no i love yous.

kisses will get you punched,

and the highest affection level is taking out the trash, and a new tube of toothpaste. 

i fall somewhere between the last two.

shocked? 

my father's father didn't say i love you.

mine seldom does. 

i tell him every time we talk. 

"Love you dad!"

"K, bye."

...skunked again.

i keep saying it hoping that maybe i'll get one back just out of pure reflex. 

i'm not hurt or offended by this. 

that's just the way things went for him growing up. 

however, do i think this has an impact on me?

a very big yes, and a medium sized no. 

i struggle with affection, because it was rarely given.

sure grandma kisses me on the cheek, but only after a bone saw to the sternum, and a secure headlock.

when i am touched i recoil. 

not out of disgust or because i'm a germaphobe. 

but because it is new and unusual to me. 

when somebody is being sweet to me, my mind thinks they are trying to butter me up for something. 

not just because they love me. 

it's even worse, when you care for someone, and the feelings still seem unnatural.

I've often forced myself to at least try and be affectionate, 

usually failing miserably, or giving someone a black eye.

hey i'm trying to affection you. gimme a break. 

now i'm in no way saying i was poorly raised.

oh cont rare. 

i have the most wonderful parents a kid could ask for. 

they've taught me some of the most important life lessons thus far. 

and they BOTH, came from a family with a father who wasn't big on the "L" word.

as i'm sure their fathers did too. 

and so on and so on. 

this is as difficult to explain as it is to overcome. 

a simple back scratch is received with a worried scowl from most of my family.

"What in heavens name are you doing?"

NOW let me make one thing clear. 

i believe there is a difference in affection, and sexual attention. 

if a girl slides her hand up your thigh, probably sexual.

if she puts her hand on your shoulder, affection.

if she whispers something dirty in your ear, sometimes awkward, but mainly sexual.

if she gives you a high 5, probably not ready to start losing layers. 

if she starts to nibble on your ear, she is either a hungry cannibal, 

or she's ready to skip dinner and hit the sheets.

but what do i know?

maybe a high five means much, much more.

this might sound SO strange to some of you, but i assure you it's a very real thing. 

it's an incredibly interesting family dynamic as well. 

i know it's something i can work on, and trust me i've been trying.

with my luck i'll probably marry a masseuse.

so if i act strangely when you place your hand on my knee. 

or start to sweat uncontrollably.

im not having an allergic reaction,

im having an affection attack.  

radio antennas.

isn't it unfair.


how you can live a decent, honest life,
and nothing seems to go your way.


the "bad" people fall into success,
find riches and power by mere happenstance.

you work hard everyday and barely make ends meet.
desperately trying to get your own life started,
when suddenly you're caught up in something,
which means giving up everything.

isn't it amazing.

how quickly things can change.
how things can go from a walk in a daydream,
to a collision course with regret.

how the face of someone you used to know,
can turn into someone you wouldn't even recognize.
finding truths in the voices of secret books.
uncovering the lies in the water lilies.

how the choices of your own life can be drastically changed by those of others.
a course of learning and progression, bowing down to the needs of others.
putting someone else before yourself.
forgetting yourself for awhile.

isn't it funny. 

that the people we hold most dear, are the ones we hurt the most.
that the walls will keep their secrets as you tip toe down the hall.

that living your secrets effect the rest of us.
no vaccine for your disease.
no antidote for the poison on your breath.

that sometimes the hardest things in the world,
can lead to times better than ever before.
they change like the seasons.
they change no matter how much we resist.

isn't it ironic. 

that the things that make us happiest can turn on us in the end.
biting the hand that feeds.
burning the bridge that leads you home.

feeling bad just because you got caught.
being upset because someone is better off without you.
that someone can be okay without you.
that happiness, means no more you.

that when it rains, it pours.
misery loves company.
karma is a bitch.

isn't it wonderful.

how lucky you are, even when all seems lost.
how much you have, when left with nothing.
that there is an ALWAYS in everything.

turning a corner may bring new opportunities never imagined.
when the lord closes a door, he opens a window.
that you will always win until you give up.

that someone knows how you feel.
things could always be worse.
that this will make you stronger,
no matter how much you'd rather things be easy.

now is never the time to fret about things in motion that cannot be stopped.
now is never the time to desperately search for a way out of the dark.
now is never the time to think about how horrible life can be.

now is the time to be grateful for the reflection in your mirror.
now is the time to embrace change and defeat it.
now is the time to become who you've always wanted to be.

a self excavation is in order.
dig.
find yourself.

isn't life a gift?


something bigger than you is happening.
something wonderful has been given to you.
never give up when life has you cornered.

"God places the heaviest burdens, on those who can carry it's weight."
-Reggie White

take a walk in someone else's shoes, before you write them off forever.
grasp the good in them and never let it go.
you're not spotless, and neither is he.
hate the sin.
not the sinner.
life, is to short to hold grudges.

isn't life somethin?

concrete daydreams.

i love my life.

i credit my unshakable faith of hope. 

a hope in tomorrow and hard work.

hard work and perseverance.

penny by penny.

day by day.

it's absolutely shameful how money can make life easier.

some don't know a hard days work.

maybe they never will.

i both pity, and envy them.

to have abundance at my fingertips seems a simple enough solution.

on the other hand, life experience is incalculable. 

the silver in my pocket never goes very far, but i'm one of the lucky ones.

i have a roof over my head, and shoes on my feet.

these feet have taken me to a crossroads.

one road is a familiar path, the restaurant business. 

the other is new, and uncertain, photography.

i'm ready to gamble on this new route.

of which if things go well, could prove extremely fruitful and prosperous.

i'm trekking into an extremely competitive field.

the world is full of those with fancy equipment and technical know how.

I've found that though many may have the tools, they lack the creative mind.

this, ladies and gentlemen, is wherein my gamble lies.

so i have to mind to not only outsmart, but outperform these others?

do i have the eye to catch new angles, see new ideas, and pioneer a style my very own?

can i beat them at a game they've been playing much longer than me?

i've been counting every dime and nickel i can find.

desperately trying to put myself in a better position to support myself and those i love.

harder still, is finding the confidence who is constantly flirting with arrogance and telling the lovers apart.

i can be better.

i will be better.

i am better.

i'm petrified that failure has already signed my contract.

i tremble knowing that i may throw effort after foolishness and end up in a deeper hole than the one i stand in now.

but i won't stop.

i am determined to master this gift and shape it into something different and beautiful.

keep my struggle inside of you, and root for me.

i need all the help i can get.

watch the birdie.

-christopher michael

koobecaf.

Christopher M Cooley,

"i hate girls." October 1st 2010

-2 people, and a number of others like this-24 Comments-

the facebook status is nothing more than a number contest. how witty can i be today? how many will think this is funny?
i myself, am guilty.

sheesh.

im considering deleting my facebook.

and id love for someone to talk me out of it.
(seriously though, please.)

id rather see a face than get a comment.

id rather shake a hand than get an email.

hell id even settle for a text over an instant message.

the window of human interaction is shrinking. 

where have all the humans gone?

"CHRIS, why don't we ever hang out?! Sooooooon pleeeaassse! i miiiiissssssss yoouuuuuu."

gag me. 

you haven't even tried you sneaky little skag.
not to mention, you used WAY too many vowels dummy.

facebook is a wonderful tool don't get me wrong. 

wedding invites.

distant friends.

birthdays.
way cool pictures.

event invites.

hilarious youtube videos.

obsessing over someone you've never met...

stalking people you'd like to maybe but not really meet someday.
having a conversation on someone else's wall and that person thinks they are really cool until they find out its just two people talking for 3 days, buzz kill.

...its very hard to sense any genuineness through a computer screen.

 i don't want girls stalking my page,(not bragging, they exist) then "texting" me when they find something contradicting, or troubling. 

"WHAT THE HELL CAHRIS?"

pass the drama?....no thanks, i'm stuffed.

im done with the status that is trying to make me jealous, or want you back.

im done with the "public" backstabbing, and childish little revenge tactics.

insulting me to my face, isn't as easy as hiding behind your Macintosh, or whatever.
...guilty.

oh and don't even get me started on the facebook friend removal.

it's often more hurtful than an actual REAL LIFE friend removal.

you go to snoop around this ladies page, saddened your real life romantic entanglement didn't work out, and boom. you hit a wall of " YOU ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED TO SNOOP DOGG."

salt in the wound. 

you suck in reality AND cyberspace. 

might as well go check my myspace.

how depressing is it logging onto facebook after a long trip, or absence, excited to see the going on's and whose missing you. you log in...and...NOTHING. that little red flag isn't flapping in your face. you DO NOT have 73 new notifications...not even sorry. 

not even a comment on a comment. 

NOT EVEN A DAMN "LIKE". 

FML. im soooo unpopular.

oh well. im gunna upload my 832 pictures of my south dakota trip.

most i took of myself, holding my camera.

once again, guilty.

please don't forget me world.

my phone is on and ready to set up a real life meeting at happy sumo.

maybe i'm taking f-book for granted.

who knows what  may happen.

i'm a analog player in a digital world. 

i hope i can hold out and actually do what i've said.

im addicted to internet interaction.

how long will i last?

pray for me.

christopher's relationship status went from in a relationship, to single.

goodbye social network, it's been real...well...sorta.

"christopher" is no longer online(send as message)

prison with your pinstripes.

Catching your smile with a silkened neck tie.

crooked and hell bent with lust for every breath of you.

your face falls into dreams, and your voice is indeed a fairy tale.

your company is indeed a cruel mistress.

cloaked in beauty, dripping with agitating fondness.

stained with the memories of love once lost.
and prejudice to any notion of future seeds sown.

letters tucked in tattered pages.
gifts left clinging to history.
words knit in a road less traveled.

give me rest for my tired feet.

in a bed less room covered with paper.

leave the sanctuary of my misty mind, and find shelter elsewhere.

give it up.

give it all.

give it time.

go to school.

go to church.

say your prayers.

love thy neighbor.

so much counsel and so few listeners.

advice is easily given.

a mouth is only good for proving you a fool.

i am one unfocused boy.

conflicted.

confusing.

contradicting.

i walk a fine line.

a line so thin, the breath of a child could blow me off course.

do i do what is right, or do i do what is polite?

do i take my human passions and lay them on the line?

risking everything to feel alive?

Or lock them up, and throw the key into the night?

i've focused so much on one thing, 

that i lost sight of everything.

take my hand

and lead me safely there.

to the place with no name.

life is good. 

im not complaining, only contemplating.

life is good yes, but could life be BETTER?

life will do its terrible dance, and all of our truths lay evident.
im convinced we hold our fate in delicate hands.
some hold tight, others let it slip through like water.
those who leave everything to chance watch life pass them by while making grand plans for it.

chase your daydreams to the edge of your consciousness.
keep them in glass jars safe for all to see.
and when the time is right,
drink them down,
and feel the light of yourself change the course of your everything.

more secrets.

back by popular demand, but more a means to get some weight off me chest.(just spoke in pirate. you're welcome.)

the vault of Chris has been opened once more...apparently, this being my third confession post, i have A LOT of secrets, but don't tell anyone.

I have a nickname for a body part.
Sir Christopher.
That's ALL i will say.

i stuff my candy wrappers between the couch cushions, then blame it on my brother.

I believe in the booty call, as long as it's a mutual booty.

i'm jealous of my best friend. VERY jealous.

i am petrified of spiders. 

little creeps can die.

i can't stand bad breath,

tic tac sir?

i own a snuggie, and i'm ashamed of how perfect it is.

i don't floss at my dental specialists specifications.

hey, we are all lazy sometimes.

ghost stories are forbidden when i'm camping.

still a little scuured.

i have a commitment problem.

trying to work on that.

i think good looking married women, 

are more attractive than single ones.

i wear a wedding ring at work to boost my tips.

i sleep in the same bed as my dog.

(he hogs the covers)

i've fallen in love with someone i've never met.

i've never had a cavity!

(hence the flossing dilemma.)

im addicted to flaming hot cheetos.

i faked sick to get out of a blind date...twice.

i've always wanted to live with a girl, but in a non-sexual environment.

i lost my virgin lips, at 18.

i'm WAY too involved in music.

i believe Seinfeld to be the best TV series of all time.

FRIENDS CAN SUCK IT.

fall is my favorite time of year.

i have a minor jacket obsession.

when i get to know a girl, i place her in a wife setting and see if she has what it takes.

even if i have no shot.

my deepest fear, is divorce.

my bragging rights, are my friends.

my insecurity, is my looks.

i sometimes blow dry my hair.

i think my nose is HUGE.

i don't tan naked. 

think about all the other nakedness 

in that little cancer tube.

safety first.

i wish the snow would stay in the mountains,

and stay off my road.

i pray that my future wife will be okay marrying

someone who has nothing, 

but will give her everything.

im more vain than i'd like to admit.

i hate my teeth, i have fangs. eat your heart out edward.

i laugh at my own jokes.

i love girls who aren't afraid to speak their minds.

im addicted to butter.

i wish i was smarter.

i wish i was stronger.

i wish i wasn't so complicated.

--christopher michael

footprints.

here i am. on another cloudless night.
alone.
thinking.

wondering who i am.
what i want.
where my life has been.
where my life is headed.

my answers are few.
my questions aplenty.

people question everything.
job security.
salary.
location.
training.
all important things.

i question footprints.
friendships.
memories.

i would rather change a life, 

than rest my head on a pillow of money.

i would rather be remembered,

and not replaced.

i would rather build my empire on shoulders,

than on skyscrapers.

whats the point in living a life so consumed with money, power and fame?

when you pass on, you can't take it with you.

who cares about photos in magazines?

who cares about fancy cars?

who cares about square footage?

setting aside vanity is nearly impossible.

it is the driving force behind business.

twisted steel and sex appeal. 

and sadder still, in this world one must be practical.

education.

foundation.

realization.

i am going to change lives one day.

i want to let go of the world, 

but my fist is clenched tight.

I've adapted to fit in and survive, 

and forgotten to coexist.

publish me.

quote me.

scorn me.

i'm over thinking outside your box.

and thinking inside my own.

Christopher Michael Cooley

ht-6'0

wt-165

eye color-blue

hair color-blonde

d.o.b-7-19-86

occupation-life changer

take me to the sea.

inching for a fight.
ready to pack my bags, and leave my name behind.

find a new me,
a new place,
a new outlook.

i often ask myself,

"christopher, why are you so complicated?"

I answer with a wry grin.

"I ask myself the same thing sometimes."

come and save me from myself.

red rover 

red rover

send madness right over.

give me my sleep back.

give me my words back.

give me my desire.

my life is in a coma.

today is only a reflection of tomorrow.

every corner is the same.

new names same faces.

i know that life isn't easy.

but i never knew it was so uncomfortable.

my wrinkled skin betrays my age.

my tight lips eclipse my smile.

nobody should ever be comfortable all alone.

put me on a train.

take me to the sea.

let me start over.

give me the chance to do it right.

to do it my way.

my life'e vending machine is offering so much new.

so much excitement and adventure.

but i spent my last quarter on you.

throw me in a bar fight.

give me a high speed chase.

push me out of an airplane.

my life is seriously lacking adventure.

what's worse is, 

i'm becoming used to it. 

dating? tried it.

love? fell deep into it.

lust? been consumed by it.

give me serenity.

show me necessity.

cover me, in spontaneity.

my eyes have lost sight of my dreams.

and my will to search has diminished.

i sleep on the floor.

i play the bongo drums.

i listen to my music.

i won't let anyone inside.

i don't know why.

but i wish i did.

i'm out of place.

out of thought.

out, of my mind.

row

row

row your boat gently down the stream.

merrily

merrily merrily

merrily,

life is but a dream

head strong.

lose yourself in my sunrise.
wake yourself to my humming.

run with no shoes.
sleep with no clothes.

taste the words on my skin.

embark on the journey through my mind.

welcome to my fearless.

transcend tomorrow with me. 

inject your promise into my veins.

cradle my smile. 

play the drums with me.

strum the guitar.

shake the maracas. 

lets make music. 

lose yourself in small talk.

catch up on silly nothings.

catch your shadow.

run to the sea.

ransom the colors of dreams.

in exchange for laughter.

look to the stars.

fall through your worries.

give in.

do not give up.

shout hellos.

whisper goodbyes.

3.

2.

1.

hear the beat in your chest.

see the light in your eyes.

clap your hands and whistle your melody.

kidnap sadness.

lock it in a safe.

throw the key into the night.

monday.

tuesday.

yesterday.

consider yourself mighty.

unconquerable.

unquenchable.

give me a smile, for my empty pockets.

give me a sock, for my old worn shoes.

give me a tomorrow, and i'll give you a forever.

eloquent.

you will be a sand castle builder.

childish and carefree.

artistic.

motivated.

you will let your hair down.

relaxed and unproductive.

mellow.

passe.

your words will lie down like lovers.

i will be your patient imagination.

twisting and turning.

weaving and bobbing in and out of your thoughts.

i will be your midnight snack.

sinful and satisfying.

discreetly wild.

contagiously addicting.

you are eloquent.

 passionate.

driven yet subdued.

obsessed with the prospect of love.

you are fashion.

causally formal.

jeans and jewels.

a visage of self confidence.

i am an old guitar.

faded and worn.

out of tune but beautifully strung.

living to sing my songs.

i am daydreams.

talking but never chasing.

wishing.

hoping.

we are.

laughter.

chemical.

fluid.

we breathe.

mayhem.

innocence.

curiosity.

we feel.

coffee stained memories.

black and white photos.

steamy mirrors.

you are.

i am.

we become.

you paint fingernails.

i paint window trim.

you walk the dogs.

i walk to work.

you read your novels.

i read your mind.

wash.

dry.

rinse.

repeat.

you drive the car.

i drive you crazy.

i spill the drinks.

you spill the beans.

we plant the flowers.

we watch them grow.

drip goes the faucet i promise to fix.

drop goes your favorite mug.

you are eloquent.

grace.

beauty in slow motion.

you possess.

light in shadows.

influence in chivalry.

a righteous infatuation.

you dictate.

my mood.

my mind.

my means.

i speak in riddles.

i walk with tomorrows.

i sleep on emotion.

we race on adventures.

we feast on karma.

we fly on melodies.

runaway.

have you ever wanted to escape?

just pack your bags.

choose a flight.

and disappear.

no plan.

no money.

nobody.

new faces.

new voices.

new places.

it'd be nice to go somewhere where you can introduce yourself without any prejudice in your pockets.

they don't know your history, and you don't know their's.

it's you and a clean slate.

no more bad dreams.

no more drama.

no more worry.

being out of your element places you in a higher sense of things.

you are on your best behavior.

bringing only good to the table.

or sometimes.

is it better to be alone.

a dark hotel room.

air conditioner blasting cold warmth.

tiny soap.

tiny shampoo.

tiny towels.

do not disturb signs.

someone, come rescue me. 

confessions part II.

I ALWAYS have wanted a tattoo.
a sleeve, to be exact. Nothing trashy or showy.
Just the raw drawings of my life and what matters to me most.

i stole a bottle of cologne from Hollister.

as guilty as i feel, it was terribly clever.

i am a sensitive man, but an insensitive boy.
to many, i am sorry.


i enjoy fly fishing.
it's an incredible escape, and a chance for an often needed one on one with myself.
my deepest thoughts, happen waist deep in water.

i am not afraid to die.

i am afraid of the pains of death.

people think i know what i'm doing with my life.
truth is, i'm taking it as it comes at me.
i have NO idea.


i feel like a lot of people take me for granted.
and i let them.

i've tasted the forbidden fruit, and it was delicious.

i felt bad because i didn't feel bad.

i go to the gym for myself.
i don't go for anyone else but me.


i can love.
but i still don't know exactly what it means.

i don't have a bed. my room is too small.

i sleep on some old camping pads.

i want to travel the world.
i want to live out of a suitcase.


M.L.C. is my inspiration. she has more unconquerable light inside than anyone i know.


i sometimes catch myself daydreaming of marriage.
painting the den.
cooking Sunday dinner.
staying up all night.


others peoples problems become my own.
i act like a giant sponge to emotions.


i can open people's minds like a tin of beans.
opening mine? not so easy.


i really suck at taking compliments.

REALLY.

REALLY.

BAD.

i play the guitar.
not well really, but i do play.
i've even written a handful of songs.


i wear reading glasses. astigmatisms can suck it.


i used to wear a t shirt swimming.
i was too embarrassed to reveal how skinny, and pasty i was.


i want to open a restaurant one day. my very own.


i doodle in church.
most speakers are boring.

i've always wanted to be a teacher.

i'd be the cool teacher that everyone wanted and loved.

i have a great singing voice.

i was Rooster, a lead part in Annie.

i get really jealous when my friends don't invite me to hang.
even if they are drinking or doing things i don't, just call.
it's the thought that counts.


i'm not below shopping at wal mart.
i actually think it's a wonderful place.
i have met some REAL interesting folks there.
it's saved my life several times.

being a good boy is extremely hard.

being bad is so much easier.

sometimes i forget to say please and thank you.
and i hate hate hate people who don't.
damn.

I want discs in my ears.

drama gives me ulcers.
ouch.
dealing with some right now.
shoot me.


i drive girls to marriage.
girls who break up with me because that, is the very thing they fear.
...babes.

until next time.
loveyouandstuff


-christopher michael

confessions.

i like interior design.
i find it terribly interesting and spontaneous.
porcelain bathtubs.
brick walls.
copper pipes.

music is my everything.
nothing, on earth can change my mood so quickly.
and there is nothing more attractive than a female who knows good music.
play it again SAM.

I'm extremely self conscious.

my looks are a huge concern for me. shocked? i grew up around friends, pockets full of cleverly folded notes, and covered in clingy girls. for years i thought there was something wrong with me(there are many things, i assure you.) so if you look into my eyes and i look away, it's not because i don't trust you.

i like to be alone.
I'm a thinker. some would accuse me of being an OVERthinker, and they would be right. i need a lot of me time. i believe myself to be extremely complex, so sometimes i need to figure myself out before i venture out into this crazy world.

I'm extremely shy.

i may not seem it, but i am. i put on this front of being comfortable and very outgoing when i meet new people, but in truth, I'm screaming on the inside, frantically searching for the exit sign. for you to truly peel off my skin and look inside, you must be patient and unprejudiced.

i hate mouth noises.
people who chew with their mouths open should, perish in flames. it makes my bones want to come out. people who smack their lips or can't breath through their noses...gross. make out noises are OK(as long as it's me and a babe.)

i sit down to pee sometimes. don't judge.
guys get tired to.

I'm an extremely good judge of character, well...initially.
it's when i get involved with said persons that my judgement becomes clouded. ironic how that works eh?

i cannot say no.

it's almost impossible. i am pretty good at dodging the requests. but the word "no" will never escape my lips.  it's even worse when just saying no, would save me weeks of trouble or heartache, and still, no refusal.

Especially to females.

Damn you testosterone.

I'm a sucker for blonde's.
I've dated red heads, brunettes, and black haired beauties, but it's still you blonde's who turn my head.

I'm a movie watcher.

i love catching all the little subtleties. the facial expressions, the body language. the details. when i find someone who appreciates it like i do, there's gonna be fireworks.

i worship food.
nuff said.

i had a short modeling career.
it ended the day it began.

i can't stand to see someone in pain.
i have to change the channel, look away, plug my ears, leave the room, whatever it takes. it makes me physically ill.

I'm an insomniac.

i lay awake in bed and stare at the ceiling. i wonder what tomorrow will bring. if things will be OK. so text me or something, save me from myself.

airplanes, give me chills.
ever since i was little, no matter what i would be doing, i would hear an airplane, stop and look up. when i go to airshows, the beauty and sleekness of a fighter plane puts tears in my eyes.
man WAS meant to fly.

i am still in love.

I've run away.

twice.

once when i was 14 or 15, i took a fishing pole and a loaf of bread and went up a canyon for a day or two. and again when i was 23, i needed to escape from the world, so i checked into a hotel for the night. No i didn't meet a mistress there.

I'm jealous.

of peoples writing.

their strength.

their looks.

Spiders scare the livin' outta me.

i don't drink.
even though i have been sorely tempted. on MULTIPLE occasions.

i still have lots of secrets.

i really wish people would give me feedback on what i write. not for self absorption reasons, merely for peace of mind, and improvements.

i am far, too trusting.

more confessions to come I'm sure.

tata

-christopher(still needs a night light) michael

My new friend.

Meet Quinn.

It was a regular Sunday.

White shirt.
Brown slacks.
Grandpa's old penny loafers.

Feeling somewhat unfulfilled and distant, i meandered back to the car. In no particular hurry, and in no particular angle.

The pitter patter of rain soothed my mood further, and i noted my visible breath, and upset it was happening in the middle of june.

A scurry out of the corner of my eye, caught me. Heading away from me and low to the ground.
Curious, i followed.

Meet Quinn.

A two week old quail(unconfirmed specimen, but cute.)
Quinn had decided to run away.

I stumbled upon this guy in the middle of a busy intersection. Sensing his distress, i rushed into the road, stopping a few cars in the process, and gently scooped his frail, frightened body into my hands. He shivered, and peeped furiously.

Phone in one hand, and Quinn in the other, i began to investigate.

Google.
Baby bird help.
Raising a baby bird.
Found baby bird.
All useless and all with a bleak outlook.
My new companion had stopped shivering, and began to lightly peck at my curled fingers.

I searched for a nearby nest. A nearby mother. Anything.

It was time for my ride to leave. I ravaged the trunk and found and empty peanut can, and a pair of CLEAN socks. I managed to make a makeshift sanctuary for my new found friend. Sadly, my path lead to a family gathering, putting my rescue plan on a new route.

Quinn was curious.

He kept getting his tiny head above the rim of the can, eager to see the world around him. I balanced the can on the window sill, and watched him take in all the sights as they went rushing by.

All the while, emitting small chirps.

We arrived, and i explained to my host the situation. He produced a medicine dropper and a smile. That was all i needed. i headed upstairs to the bathroom, hoping not to reveal my new secret to any of my much younger cousins. A few drops of water, and a nap are just what this bird needed.

Meet Quinn.

Hidden high in the shower window, bathing in sunlight lay my new friend. Everything i read about raising a young bird, resulted in death. I however, was optimistic. Quinn was the exception. Every hour he needed food, i could do that. He needed a clean environment, piece of cake. All my self convincing pointed to success. Small talk and frequent trips upstairs added up and finally, home was our destination.

Phone in hand.
More questions, more concern.
Fewer chirps.

We arrived home, and Quinn lay asleep in his can. I began to alter a shoe box for the little guy. He needed more room to roam and explore. Next was dinner. I went outside and dug up a worm. Only a fat and juicy one would do.  I diced it into small pieces and used tweezers to take hold of the slimy dinner. I tapped the side of his beak and offered a snack. He refused and shut his eyes. Stumped, i tried again.
Same response.
Fly? No.
Bread? No.
Sunflower seeds? No.
Now what?

I went into our study for more research. I scanned and googled and scanned and googled. Finally, a break through. I walked into the kitchen to check on the little guy and there he was.

Meet Quinn.

Lifeless, and still.

How?

I sunk into the chair, dumbfounded and heartbroken.

I failed him.

All this little guy had was me.

He relied on ME, for food, water, and shelter.

And me, an invinsible human, couldn't even supply that.

Confused as to why i was so upset, i rose to my feet and went outside.

I paced around the yard, blaming myself, and looking for solace.

The conclusion? As cheesy as it may sound, I decided to give my new friend the respect he deserved.

I found a good spot of ground, a popsicle stick, and laid his little body to rest.

Alive and well one minute, gone the next.

In many cases, people leave us before we have a chance to thank them.

Or the chance to say goodbye.

Everything they've taught us, and everything they meant to us.

Gone, in the blink of an eye.

Did they know how much you respected them?

Did they know how much they taught you?

Do they know how much you love them?

It's hard to tell someone how much you'll miss them, when they are already gone.

Life is too short to hold onto the mistakes of yesterdays. What good is a grudge, and who does it benefit?

I am now in the process of writing letters.

Letters to everyone that has mattered to me.

Letters to those who have taught me and changed me.

Why a letter? Words spoken are indeed powerful, but often forgotten. Written words, are eternal. Tangible evidence of love and gratitude.

Hateful words may be your last words to someone you care about more than anything.

We hurt the deepest, those we love the most.

Angry words may be the last thing someone remembers you by.

Let go of your grudges.

Tell people you love you love them, and take every chance to do so.

Because you never know which time will be the last time.

Meet Quinn.

My eye opening friend.

Thank you.

-christopher michael

life's dumbells.

I'm not really a fan of blogging. shocked? i find it somewhat depressing, that the only way to purge my system of all it's personal strife, is to scream into the void of cyberspace.
i would much rather talk with you face to face.

Life.

Is.

Hard.

but beautiful.

exciting.

intriguing.

one day, after an extremely difficult day at work, and a few costly events earlier in the week, i had to get away. i didn't want another human in my sight, for fear my scowl would vaporize the poor soul where it stood.

i grabbed a water bottle.

my fanny pack.

a headband.

and my ear buds.

so long world.

and so i started. i just started walking east. to the mountain. leaving civility behind along with my troubles.

and so, i walked.

the weeks events unfolding in my brain. the tension. the bitterness.

the angry music pulsated in my ears. every drum beat, every guitar strum, wound me tighter.

to my amazement, removing my headphones revealed a world of noise no i pod could duplicate. the birds seemed to be in a frenzy of song. the notes fell around me like rain.

the crunch of the earth beneath my shoes took me away from the soft carpets of home. the wind whistled through the countless trees, and dulled out my minds static.

and so, i listened.

the sun beat upon my bare skin, and i welcomed it. no breeze to cool me, and no shade to conceal me. the clouds fled the scene today. the sweat stung my eyes, and stained my hair.

the cool water to my lips, offered a moments escape.

and so, i felt.

the sun grew weary in the sky, and began to fall toward the horizon. so my course turned home.

the path wasn't physically straining.

the road was smooth.

there was no destination. only a journey.

it started as an cool down method, and slowly morphed into a self evaluation.

i needed to have a few words with me.

i learned a few ugly truths.

i am quick to anger.

quicker to judge.

and on the lookout for the negative.

my toolbox is out. and I'm going to try and fix me some more.

nobody wants a broken somebody.

so here i sit. tightening my screws and putting myself back together.

hopefully some will notice the new improvements.

is the someone you?

sharing time.

my writing.
oh my writing.

often, i sit and re read and mull over the many words my minds sewn. the todays and tomorrows, the history of it all. spreading my opinion on matters that weigh little and assuming i have it all figured out.

i have a firm grip on this thing called life, and i've been around the block before.
this isn't my first rodeo cowboy.

some things, i suppose, i am more qualified to assess and insert my layman's opinion, than others.
failed attempts at love. qualified,
spilt families. qualified.
living in total poverty. ignorant.

i talk a good talk.
move forward.
forget your yesterdays.
stand tall.

but obviously, talk is cheap.

i have been undeniably blessed in my life. i have things some people have only dreamt of having. (besides my chisled abs and amazing bone structure of course.)
my ignorance of the needs of others, has blinded my compassion, and gratitude. i have no idea how some people endure. the difficulties they overcome EVERYDAY, are unimaginable.

i wake up every morning, to food. it is all over.
in the fridge.
in the cupboard.
in the storage room.

i have never had to go hungry.

i am able to drive a car to work.
no walking.
no bus.
no subway.

life is easy.

i have full function of my body.
no disease.
no illness.
no infirmities.

the doctor, is just a phone call away.

i am the fat kid eating a snickers in front of a homeless starving boy, and not offering a piece.
a bite.
a morsel.

I am the complainer of a runny nose, passing the woman, with breast cancer.
I am the one whining about sleeping on the floor in a house, while it snows outside.

Have you been to a grocery store lately?
did they have everything you needed?
did you have to walk there?
did you have money to use?

We live in a country of such surplus.
We have too much of everything.

Other countries are starving, and America is eating itself to death.

I am spoiled rotten, and yet my means are extremely modest compared to some, and mountains to others.

Daddy bought you a car?
i worked for mine.

Parents paying for school?
i am earning mine.

Opportunities find some, and seem to avoid others.

Is the statement, what you put in, you get out always true? In my experience...seldom so.
I'm no judge or prosecutor, but i see selfishness all around me.

I have so much, and yet i'm still wanting.
I have it so easy, and still i complain.

sometimes i wish a bag full of money would fall from the heavens, and land at my feet.
my narrow mind had come to the conclusion that this miracle, will solve all my problems.

problems?
what problems?

i may not have health insurance, but im healthy.
i may not have an Audi, but my car runs.
i may not shop at nordstroms, but i have clothes.

im starting to see in myself a heightened sense of things.
my impulsiveness has shrunk, and as such my self control has risen.

want, and need, are two VERY different things, and I'm finally starting to see that. I'm slimming down all of the surplus in my own life, and you know what?

it feels phenomenal. try it.

ladies, start with your shoes.
GO.

dear me.

Dear me,

i think it's about time you forgave yourself. For everything.

Every mistake.
Every idle word.
Every broken promise. to myself. and to others.

stop holding onto shadows of yesterday.
stand tall, and move forward.

forgive me.

forgive me for leading you on.
forgive me for not being more warm to you.
forgive me, for being cruel, and unrelenting.
what you have done is in the past. too long to remember, but to close to forget.

i do not want to be enemies. friendship is all i ask.
can we forget our hate and remember our talks. late nights. bright stars.

if you want to erase me from your history, please feel free to do so.
but i cannot go on pocketing my hate.

you made me feel. you tickled my imagination.

dear me.
sometimes you just need to let go. a few steps into the dark will always reveal a light.

ready.
fire.
aim.

in the outlooks of my future, the faces are all dark, and the voices stay the same.
i do not know what is written on the palm of my fate. but I'm eager for adventure.

the pills go down hard sometimes, and the effects wear off quickly.
why is it that you cannot see past the horizon of yourself.
you wear a ball and chain, and act surprised when you cannot progress.


the good life is all in the perspective.
dear me, that day was not your fault.
goodness abounds in you.
embrace yourself, and holster the power inside.

my reckless bones.
dear me.
Get rid of friends who do not bring you up. disregard them, and replace them.
forgive those who broke you.
sleep.
surrender to the goodness inside of you.
remember those who've touched you, and forget those who use you.
walk straight and tall.
life is beautiful, and everything will work out.
everything.
everything.
everything.

the 3 wise men.

my line of work requires people.

tall ones.
short ones.
skinny ones too.
loud ones.
quiet ones.
maybe even you.

meet me, the restaurant manager.

i meet new faces everyday. i see some old ones too.


this past week i needed to be taught a thing or two. Ive been living a selfish concealed life apart from any real substance.

all caught up in the vanity.

worried so much about my clothes and body, about my face and social life, that i overlook a world full of beauty and opportunities. i met three individuals who have no idea how heavily they weigh on my mind, nor what power they hold in themselves.



#1


i was finishing up my shift. ready to go home, and wash the oily air off of my tired skin. i was on edge this day. worrying about nothing and futilely trying to figure it all out. the hostess sat me a table of three. thinking of my bed, i was reluctant to go to the table, i approached with a forced smile on my face. i greeted them, offered them drinks, the usual mumbo jumbo. i was answered with silence. the gentleman was deaf. i tried my best to interpret his ambidextrous voice, and eventually was easily able to read his lips, and figure out what he wanted. he placed his order and began to sign to his mother and father who knew it as well as he did. my focus kept returning to their table, fascinated, that a serious of bends and twists of a hand, could be so perfectly understood. they ate their food, thanked me, and left. unaware of their impact.


this man lived in a world of silence. surrounded by a noisy world, and immune to it all.

my life is music.

it is the vehicle to my soul. nothing else on earth can move me the way it does, or alter my moods quicker. to imagine it out of my life completely, is incomprehensible. i cannot imagine a world without it, but in this man's world it's been gone for quite some time.


#2

It was another busy day. people were starving, and awful thirsty, a deadly combination for any server. My patience was waining. i had just finished busing one of my tables when the cashier sat a table with three place settings. i neared the table only to find it empty of bodies. i looked around to see if they were still around, and if they planned on eating. deep down i was hoping they had left, giving me a much needed break. i found two of the three at the doors, holding them open for the third in their party. he was slow to enter the building, and i later saw why. he had loss the majority of control of in his legs. he was on crutches barely able to lift one foot in front of the other. every step seemed a mental, as well as physical strain. when he finally reached his table, he was out of breath, but beaming. happy to be with his two dear friends. i guessed his age around 26 or so. he greeted me with a smile, and in so doing caught me completely off guard. there was something is his eyes that was irrevocably placed. a light so bright i had to look away. this man knew something i didn't. his manners have yet been surpassed and the spirit he carried with him, touched everyone surrounding him. Upon finishing he thanked me again and made me promise him i would have a good rest of the day. With a smile he departed on his long journey to the car, his friends ahead eager to help.


i love to play sports. basketball, golf. football and bowling.

to run.

to longboard, swim in the ocean, and ride my bike.

running through the grass and playing with my little brother. without legs, or a full control of my body, many passions, would disappear. could i cope with the loss of them?


#3


perhaps the most powerful lesson of the three. i was sweeping up a pile of rouge croutons, who decided last second to ditch of a salad of mine, and make a break for freedom, when a strange tapping befuddled me. i glanced at the front doors, and saw a man with a long skinny stick, gently swinging in front of him, with his wife guiding him from the back. he wore no dark glasses, and stepped with unusual confidence. his hair was neatly combed and slightly faded, with only lingering bits of life's color clinging to it's edges.

Blind.

The two sat, and without skipping a beat, his wife began to read the menu. I cautiously neared the table, and greeted the two. the man smiled, looked in the direction of my voice and politely asked for a glass of water. His wife followed suit, and i left them alone, with the wife's voice listing the various burgers and salads to her husband, quietly fading behind me. i returned with two glasses of water and gently set them down on the table. the man's hands, weathered and worn, slowly reached out to find his glass. his fingers slid along the table surface slowly outstretched so as to not spill, or make any messes. he placed his hand around the glass took a long drink and set the glass back down upon the table. they both decided on ribs, and i departed, but not alone. the wife had asked for the restroom, and i guided her to them. a few minutes later the side salads appeared in the pick up window, and i began my trip to the table somewhat surprised that the man still sat alone. i slowly set them down and told the gentleman the remainder of his meal would be out shortly. he thanked me with a smile, folded his napkin and placed it on his lap, and there he sat.

waiting.

his wife had been in the restroom for quite sometime, and i was becoming anxious. i glanced at the table and there the gentleman sat.

tall and still, unaware of my gaze.

he wore a look of concern. he was looking to the last point of which he could hear his wife's high heels familiar click clak on concrete. the clock continued to pass the time, and my worry and concern grew and grew. the mans expression had gone from concern to that of loneliness.

although he could not see, he continued to look into the direction of his wife's fading steps. growing ever more anxious to hear her approach. i desperately searched the man's face for some sign of comfort, wondering whether or not i should go and reassure him, or check on his wife. My mind began cooking up scenarios. what if she had a heart attack? how will this man take care of himself? who will be there for him?
Seconds before my anxiety consumed me, the click clak returned, and his wife returned to his side. his eyes became gentle and confident again, and my hearts pounding slowly faded, and i allowed them to enjoy their meal without my constant stare. as they were about to leave, the man opened the car door for his wife, gave her a kiss on the cheek, she entered, and he closed her door. He proceeded to feel his way around the car all the way around to the passenger door. he entered, buckled his seat belt, and the two left.

these three men have impacted my life in a very real, and undoubtedly profound sense. I live a life of such luxury. i have everything i need, and want for nothing. the burdens i bare are a weight but of straw, compared to the burdens of those three.

"Some people are walking around with full use of their bodies, and they are more paralyzed than I am."
-Christopher Reeve

I'm an ungrateful spoiled brat sometimes. i have so many things i take for granted day to day, that i do not, and could not, even comprehend the absence of them.

Imagine, if one day, you woke up to silence.
Never hearing your children's laughter, the roar of the ocean, or your favorite song.
Imagine, if one day you woke up, and were unable to move.
Never able to walk down the aisle, run through the green grass, or hold your someone close.
Imagine, if one day you awoke to unquenchable darkness.
Never seeing the brilliant sun, your daughter's wedding dress, the magic of the stars.

I have eyes to see, legs to run, and ears to hear.

What more could i ask for? How is it, that we who have everything, want more. Some is never enough. More money, more freedom, nicer clothes, bigger houses.

These men had three extraordinary different outlooks on life, and i envy them for it.

The passion of my bones is but a drop in the raging sea of greed.

I learned that day, that i may not have everything, but i have so much more than many. My circumstances are skyscrapers above the ground of someone else's troubles. A new degree of gratitude has entered my heart.

I also learned that these three, have some of the strongest and enduring spirits today. That they are able to go day to day with their challenges.

Refusing to quit.

we throw in the towel after two or three petty problems appear. resigning our fate to doom instead of trying to overcome.

Being the nerd that i am, i placed a blindfold on my face, and attempted to take a shower. I managed to knock all of the shampoo off of the self, and hit my head on an open cupboard. i had to feel the bristles of my toothbrush just to line up the toothpaste, which would have been great it it were toothpaste, and not a face cream.

I've been blind to all the many blessings i have.
Deaf, to the cry of help and comfort for others.
And paralyzed in my own problems, not attempting to look to others who are worse off than I.

All I'm saying is, i think twice about complaining now. the little things don't bother me, because things could always be worse.

Christopher Michael

reinforcements.

Blogging.
Why?
To what end?

I'm at a point in my life, where the only people who will listen to me are behind a screen. Silent to whispers, and only heard through keyboards and abbreviations.

OMG.
LOL.
ROFL.

Is anybody listening?

Run.
Run.
Run.

chreastoffer

play the game.

guys. girls.

THE CHASE.
Some win.
Some lose.

why do we play these games? i swear in the end EVERYONE loses anyways.

A babe gave me her number. How long do i wait to call? 24 hours, 2 days?
Should i text her, or call her?
What will i say? What if i get her voicemail? Do i know her well enough to leave a voicemail?

That's a big step isn't it?! is he interested? She is SO not interested.

Maybe I'll play hard to get.
What if she is playing hard to get? should i play then to?
But how hard is TOO hard? should i break plans? make up an excuse?

if you both play hard to get, there will be no gettin' ANY, from any of the said go getters.

CAT
AND
MOUSE.

Hey pretty girl, how was your day? NOTHING. NADDA. ZIP.

She's probably doing her hair. Painting her nails...girl stuff.
She's gotta be at work.

Hey boy, you busy tonight? BOOM. ANSWER. Fellas waste no time.

I try and take comfort in the fact that i KNOW I'm never the only one. She can juggle like a circus clown. 4 dudes, on a bowling ball, while balancing a fish bowl on her head, on a flaming tight rope.

GIVE ME A SIGN.

Need a shoulder to cry on? Find someone else. Had your shot babe.
TAG.
Your it.
Ignoring a girl? best move you can ever make.
drives em CRAZZZZZY. Be a jerk. STOP CARING.
Bad advice?


Never, EVER, tell a babe you dig them. That's it. The chase is over.
On to the next one.

What happened to honesty? Being up front and real? I'm afraid the technology gap is causing boys to be bolder. Anyone can hide behind a computer screen, or a cellular.

Signals. Body language. Eye contact. Only evident face to face.

jumping to conclusions. fretting over a harmless text message, trying to figure out EXACTLY what they meant by, "we should do something soon. i miss you."

I for one, suck at the chase. I'm shy, gullible, and easily twisted and manipulated.

PLAY THE GAME SON.
Dating is no longer fun. It's like playing risk.

One wrong move and your chance at babe domination is over. DANG! if only i had rolled a 6!

whose to blame? you ladies? ...or us hormone hounds, men?

it's gotta be both of us. we are sending so many mixed signals neither of us know how to react anymore.

What happened to, hey i like you, let's go steady.
Sometimes i wish it was that easy. We are all too picky nowadays.
I blame you women. You get bored too easily. One mind in your control is never enough.

Where there's smoke, there's fire. Shady babes are worse than wal-mart B.O.

if you don't like em. tell em.

leading someone on. Your walking them straight to a firing squad.

Any last words?

READY.
AIM.
FIRE.

Honesty is the best policy i hear.
Tried it on a dame....
got ran over.

You're such a great FRIEND....ahhh....someone pull the knife out. Worst 5 words in history.

You get that one more than once, might as well consider sticking your head in an oven.

WELCOME TO THE FRIEND ZONE.

NO! NO! not the....FRIEND ZONE!

I feel like I'm playing a game of pogs, with every girl i date. Her slammer is a spare tire, and I'm stuck with a silver dollar.

they win EVERY time.

Things could always be worse.

gosh, things are so out of hand i can't even be myself! what's worse is i don't even remember who I AM!

Should have rolled a 6.

Long distance chasers have a real advantage in the game. they persist until they conquer the foe. I'm somewhat of an asthma prone sprinter. I tire easily.

If girls could say no, just a simple no thank you, i think many dating dilemmas would vanish.

but you have that leash on us dudes tight. you take us through the motions, put up with our barking and accidents on the carpet, and after awhile you get bored, tie us to a tree, and walk away.

Maybe I'm picking a little bit on you girls, and giving us poor poor men too much credit. After all WE are the heartless ones. Right?

maybe.

i hate dating.

tag, your it.

depth perception.

Welcome to our ool. (notice, there is no P in it.)

You know the rules.

no running.

no diving.

no splashing.

Always bring your own towel, your own suit, and be sure to wear plenty of sunscreen.

We all swim in this pool, and we all have our favorite spots. Some like the deep end, others like it where their feet can barely touch. Some like it up to their knees, and others only their ankles. Why?

Because we are all, to some degree, SHALLOW.

That's right kids, shallow. Don't believe me? Swim this way.

I like girls. An incredibly true, and fairly blunt statement, but do I like just any ol' gal?

No.

Why?

Because I'm shallow.

{Picture this}

463 pound Annabell. Annabell is 46 years old, and out lookin' for love. She has flaming red hair, brilliantly blue eyeshadow, red rose lipstick...and speakin' a shadows...a 5'o'clock one as well. Her teeth are a buttered popcorn yellow, and as her sausage like fingers fix her hair, she puckers her lips in her handheld mirror. I notice her purple, llama covered sundress, and as I grow closer the classic, socks under the sandals combo. Her 7 dollar perfume is enough to reveal my lunch, as it mingles with the deodorant abandoned armpits. (Given her girth, deodorant is not only impossible, it's impractical.)

Now, if you have painted a likeness anywhere near mine, Annie, isn't my type of girl.

And how do I know this? I have never talked, nor seen her in my life, and know nothing, absolutely nothing about her. For all i know, she possesses every single attribute as would my dream girl.

She loves sushi. She adores the sunshine. She is fascinated by World War II. Loves to laugh, and wants to visit Europe one day. Perfect.

How would one unearth this inner beauty? How could you know that under that llama infested monstrosity, the girl of your dreams is waiting? Well I wouldn't. Because i would outwardly judge Annabell's situation, and come to many, biased conclusions.

1. Look at her! She can't even take care of herself.
2. That outfit is...all around wrongo bongo.
3. She is definitely not sure dry.

Wow Chris, you're a jerk. Oh am I? Would you approach her brother, Alexander, who has an uncanny, if not creepy family resemblance? Why wouldn't you? Because looks matter.

In my experience, the first thing we do to size up another potential playmate, is notice their outsides.

You don't feel an attraction, you move on.

Think about it.

You notice some dude looking fly at a party, great smile, great style, GREAT BUTT. So, you start putting out that vibe. You finally get his attention, lock eyes, and...boom, a connection is made. It is then your priority to go interact with this guy, because that's the next step. Your first thought is not, "OK, I need to talk to every single person in this room, because you never know how wonderful someone is on the inside, if all you do is judge their outside."

If this is how the rest of the world works and I've failed to catch the train, please, someone, correct me. Or, am I absolutely right? Is it possible to see someone, and know, not to mention see, so much more than meets the eye?

I for one, try to look somewhat presentable. I am concerned with the way I look, because I want my someone to be concerned about how THEY look.

I go to the gym, and put my body through ridiculously foolish pain and torture, because I want my someone to take care of their body too.

I brush my teeth, because EVERYONE SHOULD. No excuses here.

Does this make me shallow?

We want to look good with who we are with. This goes for boys and girls. Hey fellas, check out my girl...she is SMOKIN' hot.

Hey ladies, keep your hands off my man, cause he is ALL mine.

It's like a nice car. Anyone, can look good in a nice car.

We do unimaginably terrible things to ourselves for the approval of others. Whatever it takes for us to get that sexy factor.

Lipo. Breast augmentation. Tummy tuck. Face lift. Stomach staple. Hair transplant. Laser.

Raymond is 264 pounds. Has no sense of personal hygiene, and STILL plays with Pokemon cards. He adores cargo shorts, Jerry Springer, and death metal. He eats nothing but fast food, and hasn't done his laundry since 04'. He also just dumped his girlfriend, because he didn't think she wasn't pretty enough for him.

Is Raymond shallow?

We all have likes and dislikes. Things we can't stand, and things we adore.

Meeting someone new is like putting together a jig-saw puzzle. We choose a box that appeals to us, open it up, and find our some one's insides. Likes, dislikes, habits, flaws everything. The only way to really get down to the raw, exposed someone, is to put their puzzle together.

Often the box looks AMAZING on the outside, but houses only boring, and incompatible pieces. Not all the pieces fit. So you put the box away, choose a new one, and start over.

Other times, the pieces all fit and you live happily ever after.

Bottom line?

Like it or not. The initial attraction is more often outward than inward. Why? The outward sparks the attraction, that ignites the quest to learn more. Without the intial attraction, nothing is learned because no effort is involved. Nothing more is searched for. Your mind is made up. Make sense?

Christopher, what does this mean for average looking guys like us?

Well first and foremost, we have to fortify other areas of ourselves to make up for the other not so fortified ones. We know we struggle with looks, but do we with personality? NO. Conveniently enough that is our strong suit. Lucky for us, if you are somewhat near decent looking, a powerful personality can do wonders for skin and bones lacking a certain finesse.

An attraction level can triple at the discovery of another's hidden passions.

We all have our degrees of shallowness, but I believe that this is important. It makes us who we are and attracts those we want to be with. It also weeds out the yucky, smelly, and time wasters. So stay a little shallow, be a little picky, but do not overlook the average, because if you do, many, just like me, are outta luck.

My hands are getting all pruny, time to get out. Pass the sunscreen.

Christopher Michael