my writing.
oh my writing.
often, i sit and re read and mull over the many words my minds sewn. the todays and tomorrows, the history of it all. spreading my opinion on matters that weigh little and assuming i have it all figured out.
i have a firm grip on this thing called life, and i've been around the block before.
this isn't my first rodeo cowboy.
some things, i suppose, i am more qualified to assess and insert my layman's opinion, than others.
failed attempts at love. qualified,
spilt families. qualified.
living in total poverty. ignorant.
i talk a good talk.
move forward.
forget your yesterdays.
stand tall.
but obviously, talk is cheap.
i have been undeniably blessed in my life. i have things some people have only dreamt of having. (besides my chisled abs and amazing bone structure of course.)
my ignorance of the needs of others, has blinded my compassion, and gratitude. i have no idea how some people endure. the difficulties they overcome EVERYDAY, are unimaginable.
i wake up every morning, to food. it is all over.
in the fridge.
in the cupboard.
in the storage room.
i have never had to go hungry.
i am able to drive a car to work.
no walking.
no bus.
no subway.
life is easy.
i have full function of my body.
no disease.
no illness.
no infirmities.
the doctor, is just a phone call away.
i am the fat kid eating a snickers in front of a homeless starving boy, and not offering a piece.
a bite.
a morsel.
I am the complainer of a runny nose, passing the woman, with breast cancer.
I am the one whining about sleeping on the floor in a house, while it snows outside.
Have you been to a grocery store lately?
did they have everything you needed?
did you have to walk there?
did you have money to use?
We live in a country of such surplus.
We have too much of everything.
Other countries are starving, and America is eating itself to death.
I am spoiled rotten, and yet my means are extremely modest compared to some, and mountains to others.
Daddy bought you a car?
i worked for mine.
Parents paying for school?
i am earning mine.
Opportunities find some, and seem to avoid others.
Is the statement, what you put in, you get out always true? In my experience...seldom so.
I'm no judge or prosecutor, but i see selfishness all around me.
I have so much, and yet i'm still wanting.
I have it so easy, and still i complain.
sometimes i wish a bag full of money would fall from the heavens, and land at my feet.
my narrow mind had come to the conclusion that this miracle, will solve all my problems.
problems?
what problems?
i may not have health insurance, but im healthy.
i may not have an Audi, but my car runs.
i may not shop at nordstroms, but i have clothes.
im starting to see in myself a heightened sense of things.
my impulsiveness has shrunk, and as such my self control has risen.
want, and need, are two VERY different things, and I'm finally starting to see that. I'm slimming down all of the surplus in my own life, and you know what?
it feels phenomenal. try it.
ladies, start with your shoes.
GO.
-words (noun);a unit of language, consisting of one or more spoken sounds or their written representation, that functions as a principal carrier of meaning speech or talk: to express one's emotion in words; Words mean little when action is called for.
"Where words fail, music speaks." -Hans Christian Anderson
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
dear me.
Dear me,
i think it's about time you forgave yourself. For everything.
Every mistake.
Every idle word.
Every broken promise. to myself. and to others.
stop holding onto shadows of yesterday.
stand tall, and move forward.
forgive me.
forgive me for leading you on.
forgive me for not being more warm to you.
forgive me, for being cruel, and unrelenting.
what you have done is in the past. too long to remember, but to close to forget.
i do not want to be enemies. friendship is all i ask.
can we forget our hate and remember our talks. late nights. bright stars.
if you want to erase me from your history, please feel free to do so.
but i cannot go on pocketing my hate.
you made me feel. you tickled my imagination.
dear me.
sometimes you just need to let go. a few steps into the dark will always reveal a light.
ready.
fire.
aim.
in the outlooks of my future, the faces are all dark, and the voices stay the same.
i do not know what is written on the palm of my fate. but I'm eager for adventure.
the pills go down hard sometimes, and the effects wear off quickly.
why is it that you cannot see past the horizon of yourself.
you wear a ball and chain, and act surprised when you cannot progress.
the good life is all in the perspective.
dear me, that day was not your fault.
goodness abounds in you.
embrace yourself, and holster the power inside.
my reckless bones.
dear me.
Get rid of friends who do not bring you up. disregard them, and replace them.
forgive those who broke you.
sleep.
surrender to the goodness inside of you.
remember those who've touched you, and forget those who use you.
walk straight and tall.
life is beautiful, and everything will work out.
everything.
everything.
everything.
i think it's about time you forgave yourself. For everything.
Every mistake.
Every idle word.
Every broken promise. to myself. and to others.
stop holding onto shadows of yesterday.
stand tall, and move forward.
forgive me.
forgive me for leading you on.
forgive me for not being more warm to you.
forgive me, for being cruel, and unrelenting.
what you have done is in the past. too long to remember, but to close to forget.
i do not want to be enemies. friendship is all i ask.
can we forget our hate and remember our talks. late nights. bright stars.
if you want to erase me from your history, please feel free to do so.
but i cannot go on pocketing my hate.
you made me feel. you tickled my imagination.
dear me.
sometimes you just need to let go. a few steps into the dark will always reveal a light.
ready.
fire.
aim.
in the outlooks of my future, the faces are all dark, and the voices stay the same.
i do not know what is written on the palm of my fate. but I'm eager for adventure.
the pills go down hard sometimes, and the effects wear off quickly.
why is it that you cannot see past the horizon of yourself.
you wear a ball and chain, and act surprised when you cannot progress.
the good life is all in the perspective.
dear me, that day was not your fault.
goodness abounds in you.
embrace yourself, and holster the power inside.
my reckless bones.
dear me.
Get rid of friends who do not bring you up. disregard them, and replace them.
forgive those who broke you.
sleep.
surrender to the goodness inside of you.
remember those who've touched you, and forget those who use you.
walk straight and tall.
life is beautiful, and everything will work out.
everything.
everything.
everything.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
the 3 wise men.
my line of work requires people.
tall ones.
short ones.
skinny ones too.
loud ones.
quiet ones.
maybe even you.
meet me, the restaurant manager.
i meet new faces everyday. i see some old ones too.
this past week i needed to be taught a thing or two. Ive been living a selfish concealed life apart from any real substance.
all caught up in the vanity.
worried so much about my clothes and body, about my face and social life, that i overlook a world full of beauty and opportunities. i met three individuals who have no idea how heavily they weigh on my mind, nor what power they hold in themselves.
#1
i was finishing up my shift. ready to go home, and wash the oily air off of my tired skin. i was on edge this day. worrying about nothing and futilely trying to figure it all out. the hostess sat me a table of three. thinking of my bed, i was reluctant to go to the table, i approached with a forced smile on my face. i greeted them, offered them drinks, the usual mumbo jumbo. i was answered with silence. the gentleman was deaf. i tried my best to interpret his ambidextrous voice, and eventually was easily able to read his lips, and figure out what he wanted. he placed his order and began to sign to his mother and father who knew it as well as he did. my focus kept returning to their table, fascinated, that a serious of bends and twists of a hand, could be so perfectly understood. they ate their food, thanked me, and left. unaware of their impact.
this man lived in a world of silence. surrounded by a noisy world, and immune to it all.
my life is music.
it is the vehicle to my soul. nothing else on earth can move me the way it does, or alter my moods quicker. to imagine it out of my life completely, is incomprehensible. i cannot imagine a world without it, but in this man's world it's been gone for quite some time.
#2
It was another busy day. people were starving, and awful thirsty, a deadly combination for any server. My patience was waining. i had just finished busing one of my tables when the cashier sat a table with three place settings. i neared the table only to find it empty of bodies. i looked around to see if they were still around, and if they planned on eating. deep down i was hoping they had left, giving me a much needed break. i found two of the three at the doors, holding them open for the third in their party. he was slow to enter the building, and i later saw why. he had loss the majority of control of in his legs. he was on crutches barely able to lift one foot in front of the other. every step seemed a mental, as well as physical strain. when he finally reached his table, he was out of breath, but beaming. happy to be with his two dear friends. i guessed his age around 26 or so. he greeted me with a smile, and in so doing caught me completely off guard. there was something is his eyes that was irrevocably placed. a light so bright i had to look away. this man knew something i didn't. his manners have yet been surpassed and the spirit he carried with him, touched everyone surrounding him. Upon finishing he thanked me again and made me promise him i would have a good rest of the day. With a smile he departed on his long journey to the car, his friends ahead eager to help.
i love to play sports. basketball, golf. football and bowling.
to run.
to longboard, swim in the ocean, and ride my bike.
running through the grass and playing with my little brother. without legs, or a full control of my body, many passions, would disappear. could i cope with the loss of them?
#3
perhaps the most powerful lesson of the three. i was sweeping up a pile of rouge croutons, who decided last second to ditch of a salad of mine, and make a break for freedom, when a strange tapping befuddled me. i glanced at the front doors, and saw a man with a long skinny stick, gently swinging in front of him, with his wife guiding him from the back. he wore no dark glasses, and stepped with unusual confidence. his hair was neatly combed and slightly faded, with only lingering bits of life's color clinging to it's edges.
Blind.
The two sat, and without skipping a beat, his wife began to read the menu. I cautiously neared the table, and greeted the two. the man smiled, looked in the direction of my voice and politely asked for a glass of water. His wife followed suit, and i left them alone, with the wife's voice listing the various burgers and salads to her husband, quietly fading behind me. i returned with two glasses of water and gently set them down on the table. the man's hands, weathered and worn, slowly reached out to find his glass. his fingers slid along the table surface slowly outstretched so as to not spill, or make any messes. he placed his hand around the glass took a long drink and set the glass back down upon the table. they both decided on ribs, and i departed, but not alone. the wife had asked for the restroom, and i guided her to them. a few minutes later the side salads appeared in the pick up window, and i began my trip to the table somewhat surprised that the man still sat alone. i slowly set them down and told the gentleman the remainder of his meal would be out shortly. he thanked me with a smile, folded his napkin and placed it on his lap, and there he sat.
waiting.
his wife had been in the restroom for quite sometime, and i was becoming anxious. i glanced at the table and there the gentleman sat.
tall and still, unaware of my gaze.
he wore a look of concern. he was looking to the last point of which he could hear his wife's high heels familiar click clak on concrete. the clock continued to pass the time, and my worry and concern grew and grew. the mans expression had gone from concern to that of loneliness.
although he could not see, he continued to look into the direction of his wife's fading steps. growing ever more anxious to hear her approach. i desperately searched the man's face for some sign of comfort, wondering whether or not i should go and reassure him, or check on his wife. My mind began cooking up scenarios. what if she had a heart attack? how will this man take care of himself? who will be there for him?
Seconds before my anxiety consumed me, the click clak returned, and his wife returned to his side. his eyes became gentle and confident again, and my hearts pounding slowly faded, and i allowed them to enjoy their meal without my constant stare. as they were about to leave, the man opened the car door for his wife, gave her a kiss on the cheek, she entered, and he closed her door. He proceeded to feel his way around the car all the way around to the passenger door. he entered, buckled his seat belt, and the two left.
these three men have impacted my life in a very real, and undoubtedly profound sense. I live a life of such luxury. i have everything i need, and want for nothing. the burdens i bare are a weight but of straw, compared to the burdens of those three.
I'm an ungrateful spoiled brat sometimes. i have so many things i take for granted day to day, that i do not, and could not, even comprehend the absence of them.
Imagine, if one day, you woke up to silence.
Never hearing your children's laughter, the roar of the ocean, or your favorite song.
Imagine, if one day you woke up, and were unable to move.
Never able to walk down the aisle, run through the green grass, or hold your someone close.
Imagine, if one day you awoke to unquenchable darkness.
Never seeing the brilliant sun, your daughter's wedding dress, the magic of the stars.
I have eyes to see, legs to run, and ears to hear.
What more could i ask for? How is it, that we who have everything, want more. Some is never enough. More money, more freedom, nicer clothes, bigger houses.
These men had three extraordinary different outlooks on life, and i envy them for it.
The passion of my bones is but a drop in the raging sea of greed.
I learned that day, that i may not have everything, but i have so much more than many. My circumstances are skyscrapers above the ground of someone else's troubles. A new degree of gratitude has entered my heart.
I also learned that these three, have some of the strongest and enduring spirits today. That they are able to go day to day with their challenges.
Refusing to quit.
we throw in the towel after two or three petty problems appear. resigning our fate to doom instead of trying to overcome.
Being the nerd that i am, i placed a blindfold on my face, and attempted to take a shower. I managed to knock all of the shampoo off of the self, and hit my head on an open cupboard. i had to feel the bristles of my toothbrush just to line up the toothpaste, which would have been great it it were toothpaste, and not a face cream.
I've been blind to all the many blessings i have.
Deaf, to the cry of help and comfort for others.
And paralyzed in my own problems, not attempting to look to others who are worse off than I.
All I'm saying is, i think twice about complaining now. the little things don't bother me, because things could always be worse.
Christopher Michael
tall ones.
short ones.
skinny ones too.
loud ones.
quiet ones.
maybe even you.
meet me, the restaurant manager.
i meet new faces everyday. i see some old ones too.
this past week i needed to be taught a thing or two. Ive been living a selfish concealed life apart from any real substance.
all caught up in the vanity.
worried so much about my clothes and body, about my face and social life, that i overlook a world full of beauty and opportunities. i met three individuals who have no idea how heavily they weigh on my mind, nor what power they hold in themselves.
#1
i was finishing up my shift. ready to go home, and wash the oily air off of my tired skin. i was on edge this day. worrying about nothing and futilely trying to figure it all out. the hostess sat me a table of three. thinking of my bed, i was reluctant to go to the table, i approached with a forced smile on my face. i greeted them, offered them drinks, the usual mumbo jumbo. i was answered with silence. the gentleman was deaf. i tried my best to interpret his ambidextrous voice, and eventually was easily able to read his lips, and figure out what he wanted. he placed his order and began to sign to his mother and father who knew it as well as he did. my focus kept returning to their table, fascinated, that a serious of bends and twists of a hand, could be so perfectly understood. they ate their food, thanked me, and left. unaware of their impact.
this man lived in a world of silence. surrounded by a noisy world, and immune to it all.
my life is music.
it is the vehicle to my soul. nothing else on earth can move me the way it does, or alter my moods quicker. to imagine it out of my life completely, is incomprehensible. i cannot imagine a world without it, but in this man's world it's been gone for quite some time.
#2
It was another busy day. people were starving, and awful thirsty, a deadly combination for any server. My patience was waining. i had just finished busing one of my tables when the cashier sat a table with three place settings. i neared the table only to find it empty of bodies. i looked around to see if they were still around, and if they planned on eating. deep down i was hoping they had left, giving me a much needed break. i found two of the three at the doors, holding them open for the third in their party. he was slow to enter the building, and i later saw why. he had loss the majority of control of in his legs. he was on crutches barely able to lift one foot in front of the other. every step seemed a mental, as well as physical strain. when he finally reached his table, he was out of breath, but beaming. happy to be with his two dear friends. i guessed his age around 26 or so. he greeted me with a smile, and in so doing caught me completely off guard. there was something is his eyes that was irrevocably placed. a light so bright i had to look away. this man knew something i didn't. his manners have yet been surpassed and the spirit he carried with him, touched everyone surrounding him. Upon finishing he thanked me again and made me promise him i would have a good rest of the day. With a smile he departed on his long journey to the car, his friends ahead eager to help.
i love to play sports. basketball, golf. football and bowling.
to run.
to longboard, swim in the ocean, and ride my bike.
running through the grass and playing with my little brother. without legs, or a full control of my body, many passions, would disappear. could i cope with the loss of them?
#3
perhaps the most powerful lesson of the three. i was sweeping up a pile of rouge croutons, who decided last second to ditch of a salad of mine, and make a break for freedom, when a strange tapping befuddled me. i glanced at the front doors, and saw a man with a long skinny stick, gently swinging in front of him, with his wife guiding him from the back. he wore no dark glasses, and stepped with unusual confidence. his hair was neatly combed and slightly faded, with only lingering bits of life's color clinging to it's edges.
Blind.
The two sat, and without skipping a beat, his wife began to read the menu. I cautiously neared the table, and greeted the two. the man smiled, looked in the direction of my voice and politely asked for a glass of water. His wife followed suit, and i left them alone, with the wife's voice listing the various burgers and salads to her husband, quietly fading behind me. i returned with two glasses of water and gently set them down on the table. the man's hands, weathered and worn, slowly reached out to find his glass. his fingers slid along the table surface slowly outstretched so as to not spill, or make any messes. he placed his hand around the glass took a long drink and set the glass back down upon the table. they both decided on ribs, and i departed, but not alone. the wife had asked for the restroom, and i guided her to them. a few minutes later the side salads appeared in the pick up window, and i began my trip to the table somewhat surprised that the man still sat alone. i slowly set them down and told the gentleman the remainder of his meal would be out shortly. he thanked me with a smile, folded his napkin and placed it on his lap, and there he sat.
waiting.
his wife had been in the restroom for quite sometime, and i was becoming anxious. i glanced at the table and there the gentleman sat.
tall and still, unaware of my gaze.
he wore a look of concern. he was looking to the last point of which he could hear his wife's high heels familiar click clak on concrete. the clock continued to pass the time, and my worry and concern grew and grew. the mans expression had gone from concern to that of loneliness.
although he could not see, he continued to look into the direction of his wife's fading steps. growing ever more anxious to hear her approach. i desperately searched the man's face for some sign of comfort, wondering whether or not i should go and reassure him, or check on his wife. My mind began cooking up scenarios. what if she had a heart attack? how will this man take care of himself? who will be there for him?
Seconds before my anxiety consumed me, the click clak returned, and his wife returned to his side. his eyes became gentle and confident again, and my hearts pounding slowly faded, and i allowed them to enjoy their meal without my constant stare. as they were about to leave, the man opened the car door for his wife, gave her a kiss on the cheek, she entered, and he closed her door. He proceeded to feel his way around the car all the way around to the passenger door. he entered, buckled his seat belt, and the two left.
these three men have impacted my life in a very real, and undoubtedly profound sense. I live a life of such luxury. i have everything i need, and want for nothing. the burdens i bare are a weight but of straw, compared to the burdens of those three.
"Some people are walking around with full use of their bodies, and they are more paralyzed than I am."
-Christopher Reeve
I'm an ungrateful spoiled brat sometimes. i have so many things i take for granted day to day, that i do not, and could not, even comprehend the absence of them.
Imagine, if one day, you woke up to silence.
Never hearing your children's laughter, the roar of the ocean, or your favorite song.
Imagine, if one day you woke up, and were unable to move.
Never able to walk down the aisle, run through the green grass, or hold your someone close.
Imagine, if one day you awoke to unquenchable darkness.
Never seeing the brilliant sun, your daughter's wedding dress, the magic of the stars.
I have eyes to see, legs to run, and ears to hear.
What more could i ask for? How is it, that we who have everything, want more. Some is never enough. More money, more freedom, nicer clothes, bigger houses.
These men had three extraordinary different outlooks on life, and i envy them for it.
The passion of my bones is but a drop in the raging sea of greed.
I learned that day, that i may not have everything, but i have so much more than many. My circumstances are skyscrapers above the ground of someone else's troubles. A new degree of gratitude has entered my heart.
I also learned that these three, have some of the strongest and enduring spirits today. That they are able to go day to day with their challenges.
Refusing to quit.
we throw in the towel after two or three petty problems appear. resigning our fate to doom instead of trying to overcome.
Being the nerd that i am, i placed a blindfold on my face, and attempted to take a shower. I managed to knock all of the shampoo off of the self, and hit my head on an open cupboard. i had to feel the bristles of my toothbrush just to line up the toothpaste, which would have been great it it were toothpaste, and not a face cream.
I've been blind to all the many blessings i have.
Deaf, to the cry of help and comfort for others.
And paralyzed in my own problems, not attempting to look to others who are worse off than I.
All I'm saying is, i think twice about complaining now. the little things don't bother me, because things could always be worse.
Christopher Michael
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