you are.

I am-

a rocket ship of giggles.
a hopeless mess.
a sleep deprived dreamer.
a reckless thought on the wind.


I hope-

you know.
that i give enough.
that i can withstand the test of time.
that i'm worth the fight.

I wish-

for more wishes.
you could see yourself through my blue eyes.
that i could take what it is i feel and tie it up with lace.
that the world would give us some room to breath.

I see-

beautiful brown eyes holding my reflection tight.
the song inside your smile.
the dark of your hair.
something infinitely interesting.

I feel-

like a child.
like singing at the top of my lungs.
the distance when you're away.
the absence of your touch.

You are-

the smile dancing on my lips.
the thoughts sleeping in my mind.
the breath of fresh air.
my clever medicine.

You give-

my hungry heart its fuel.
my lonely hand to hold.
my troubled past it's bed.
my weary eyes the light.

You hold-

my undivided attention.
a stolen heart.
the fabric of the future.
all of everything I've ever wanted.


We taste-

the jealousy of the world.
the bitterness of hard times.
the satisfaction of knowing we are.
the sweetness of joy.

We go-

down the road less traveled.
hand in hand.
to the market for ice cream novelties.
forever and always.

We are-

effortlessly cool.
undiscovered joy.
free falling.
divine.

We need-

nobody else.
time and patience.
sugar and movies.
each other.

It's you-

I love.
I've been looking for.
who dug to the truest part of me.
and me forever.

the fabric of the future.

we all have a future inside of us.
some of ours are long and some short.
some bathed in success and starlight.
others in darkness and greed.

she is wrapped in the velvet of our choices.
slowly unraveling the fabric of life,
revealing the answers to our questions, and eventually her naked self.

she does a delicate dance.
one of yes and no.
love and hate.
truth and lies.

treat her with patience and care.

everyday she shows you something new and unusual.

everyday unwinding the fabric of our future.

pull too hard, or press her unfairly, and the linen will only constrict her.
making things more difficult to remove and discover.
hiding all the answers you need most.

she softly sings in our minds.
telling us to take our time in all that we do.
and to never waste a moment.

she floats on our hopes and sleeps in our dreams.
always constant.
always guiding.

she teaches us patience.
leads us to learn perspective.
and hastens us to live life fully.

wrapped in the linens of our mind she smiles.
eager to show us the way.
and ready to remove all doubt.

do everything with love.
cut the ropes of regret.
always remember how life has shaped you.

to creepy. love you.

Those of you who know me will understand this better than most.

Listen to the words.

xoxox

bittersweet goodbyes.

There are no goodbye's, only, I'll see you laters.
Love that.

~~~

It's been a long time since I've hated a goodbye.
Trust me, they haven't gotten any easier.

Saying goodbye to someone truly puts things in perspective.
You never know how deeply woven into your life someone is, until they are gone, if even for a little while...
This is both terrible and wonderful.

Being apart from that someone you miss is torture.
But, being missed by that person you never want to be without, is bliss.

They may not be by your side, but they are defiantly on your mind.

I lay in bed teetering on the edge of dreams, wishing so desperately that sleep will take me.
All I need is a little shove.

How am I supposed to sleep while my brown eyed girl is tip toeing through my thoughts?
She is the sunlight over my head, dancing on my skin.
The smile across my face.

Give me your hand and lets jump out the window.
A kiss to build a dream on.
We can carve our initials in the bark of the sky.
Swim with me in the joy of love.
Cradle me in the sweetness of your smile.

Some can call me cheesy or overly sweet.
But in all the clichés, you will find my unwavering genuineness.
I say what I mean, and I mean what I say.


Love found me.


With love, comes time.
With time, comes patience.


Timing is everything.


Time will do it's dance and softly sing it's tick tock song.
You've been worth the wait, and all the struggles that came with it.
I can only hope you feel the same.


Anticipatin'.
Star gazin'.
Twitterpatin'.

deliriously happy.

I am in love.

And guess what, i'm not even mad about it.

love it.

love us.

love her.

What is there to complain about or worry about when you know that someone loves you?

I can only think of one thing.

not being able to spend every waking moment with each other.

Love is obsession.

Love is passion.

Love is someone you never want to live without.

Sleepless nights. 

Journal full of scribbled nonsense and delicate daydreams.

A smile on my face that is impossible to erase.

Who knows where the winds of fate will carry us.

We took a leap of faith, together. Trusting and hoping.

And the payoff has been indescribable.

I am the luckiest boy alive to deserve this feeling.

To be trusted with her heart, and to call her mine.

Here is to hope ladies and gentleman.

Here is to taking chances and never looking back.

And here is to the girl who changed everything.

Your love will be safe with me. 

heartsick.

Ladies, and gentlemen.

I can pretty much sum up every single emotion in my heart and soul with one word.

Vulnerable.

Scared to death? Yes.
Praying for the best? Every night.
Is something different? Uh huh.

My history is screaming in my ears.

I'm not in control anymore, and risking it all for something better than I could ever imagine.

Here's to hope :)

Cry like a man.

Today started out like any other.
I woke up, washed my hair, brushed my teeth, and drove to work.
Saw a beautiful girl, made some money and came home happy as a clam.

My chipper mood didn't last long.
Some of you know of the circumstances surrounding my living back at home, but few know of my roles here.
I have become a therapist,
a carpenter,
a mechanic,
a gardener,
a butler,
a chef,
a philanthropist,
a farmer,
and a vet.

 I am also 24 years old, with no kids, but still a father.

My father's home is in California.
He is a wonderful man and I only hope I can be a fraction of the man he is one day.

This home is fatherless.
My two brothers both have different fathers, and i can assure you that neither of them live here.
Today I had an overflowing plate full of responsibilities.
Gritting my teeth I got to work quick and determined, and not inclined as to showing much emotion.
I had finals to study for and the day was growing darker.
The tasks began to disappear and finally, I had a house full of peace, and a little bit of me time.
It was then that everything hit me.

I pictured life at 24 to be full of adventure and excitement. 

I should be out with the boys, having a brew at the sports bar. 

I should be carefree and tan lying in the sun with a woman on each arm. 

I should be planning a hiking trip to Peru, or a surfing trip to Brazil. 

I should be womanizing and living my life to the fullest extent. 

I did not picture myself here. 

Trying to support a family, and trying to keep it all together. 

Some of you are already here. Young husbands and fathers, and to you, I tip my cap. In my defense however, most of you made the choices that brought you to this point.

I was brought to mine out of responsibility. 

If this sounds like a pity party, i apologize, that is certainly not what i'm trying to get at all. 

I guess today was just too much for me to handle. 

I finally got tired of being strong.
I walked down into my room, pulled the blankets over my head, and began to weep.

I cried.
And i cried.
AND I CRIED.

I cried because of how confused i am with my life.
I cried because my beautiful mother has been forced into a position of sink or swim.
I cried because I am seeing everyone else around me moving forward with life, and i'm stuck behind the glass.
I cried because my foolish heart, and feeble stabs at love have all backfired in my face.
I cried because of uncertainty and not knowing what in my life would happen next.
I cried because of how scared I am to finally let someone in and get vulnerable again.
I cried because of how stupid i felt buried under the covers crying!

I cried, like a man.

After I composed myself, I got out of bed, and started cleaning. Cleaning always helps clear my mind, and a wonderful friend of mine kept me sane while I tried to pull myself back together, and bless her sweet heart, she did a tremendous job.

Thank you MH.

I'm no hero or anything like that. I am doing what anyone else would do. I've been blessed so much in my life I should never complain again. My family is the most important thing in the world to me, and i guess I've been asked to make a few additional sacrifices for them. I know that i am learning some valuable lessons for my time as a father, and maybe i'm so thick headed, that this is the only way to teach me how. I learned that you can't always do it by yourself, and there is always someone there to pick you up.

Next time you're overwhelmed, take a timeout and open the floodgates. Crying is a cleansing. It's a marvelous  indication of your human nature, and proof that you feel. It shows you that you love, and that you care. So go ahead and cry ladies and gentlemen, but if you wanna cry right, you cry like a man.

Feels like feelings.

Sadly,
my journal is getting all the attention lately. I'm starting to work on that today. forgive me?

So...it's been awhile kids, i'm sorry I've been away so long. School is seriously consuming all of my time, and with finals just around the corner, been super stressed and even more busy. Update on my life.

Still single.
Still kinda handsome.
Still trying to do everything i want without any time to do it.
...and still single.
isn't life a peach?

I did do something new. I went on a date.
yep you heard me.
a, DATE.
and maybe my past dating experience was full of bad decisions and poorly picked outfits.
but this was different, in an entirely new and intoxicating way.

had some food.
laughed a little.
had some movie time.
touched a little.
had a blast.
twitterpated a little.

like most stories, they get better and better.
i thought that night was great but the next one was even better.

glowsticks.
gerber daisies.
& longboards.
someone pinch me.

someone once said if something seems too good to be true, it usually is.
there is a knot in my stomach and a beach ball in my head.

my feeling of feelings are back.
this is both delicious and bitter.

on one hand the good times defiantly outweigh the bad.
on the other, i've said too many unfair goodbyes, put back too many pieces, and don't want to be another memory shoved in a filing cabinet.

but the candle has only begun to glow. and you need not worry about how long it will last to feel it's warmth.

so there is it. few care. few know. but it's something very important to me. and i hope this candle burns a LONG time.

Where I've been.

Welcome back readers. Where have you been?

I apologize for my absence…let go of writing to focus on my photography, which should be starting to look pretty damn good with all that hard work and research I've been doing. Cross you fingers. thanks.

Now.

Here is where I have been.

Utah Valley University.

Home of the Wolverines.

I started school back in chilly January. Apart from a few, less than praiseworthy professors, I am loving the transition in my life. I now live in books and knowledge, instead of a dimly lit cafe, serving obesity and arrogance. I study every night, and thrive on the structure. Going from a work to play schedule everyday for 4 years, you think the transition would be hard, but my A- average would prove otherwise. As much as I hate to admit this, I'm growing up. I feel like I'm just starting to live my life. A life that is 3 years behind everyone else. Those in my senior class who are now married and tucking in their children in modest condos and townhouses. Those who have careers and handsome salaries, didn't wait around like me. I'm an old freshmen who is still afraid of the big kids, and falling asleep in astronomy. 

C'mon, i still have acne for cryin' out loud. 

Here is where I am. 

I'm becoming harder and harder to impress, and I hate that i have to say it. Blame it on my past failed flings in relationships. I pass a million faces in the hallways of school, and every other face seems to be a female one. Some are absolutely beautiful. 

Some are just easy to look at. 

Blonde ones, brown ones, red heads too. 

The faces are all I see. My headphones block out any incoming transmissions, other than thoughts. I have no desire to strike up a conversation with them, or even get a number. No interest in finding out the bands they love, or their favorite places to eat. No late night booty calls or one night stands. I just stopped faking like i was interested. 

I've become comfortable being by myself, and I can't decide if this is good, or bad.

Looking at it from my 97% emotional thinking side...this sucks. 

Nobody to spoil.

Nobody to take out.

No late night movies.

No deep conversations.

NO AFFECTION.(#1 reason)

No presents on Christmas!(....OK tied for #1 reason.)

As a logical one, it's the best thing ever.

I save my money.

I don't take chances.

Time is my own. 

I can focus on my school and photography.

Nobody gets hurt. 

No one to worry about. 

Now, if any of you are like, "Christopher, maybe your gay?"

Get that outta your mind, NOT the case at all.

I'll forever love girls and their particular anatomic structure. Man is a noble creature yes, but woman, is king. 

I just don't feel like chasing anymore. I'm tired of the games I always lose, and the rules I never understand. 

After all, that's all I've wanted and been surrounded with my whole life.

Keep looking for "the one." Never stop searching.

I figure if "the one" is out there, I'll meet her, if i look, or if i don't. 

Right? Or am I just a crazy 24 year old who has no idea how love works, and should start buying as many cats as i can and live alone for the rest of my life?

I've come to the conclusion that my scheme of meeting someone is far too grand for reality.

I ride a motorcycle and do what i want. Girls will come and go, but none will ever change me. Then along comes one who is different, and i give up my rebellious lifestyle and fall madly in love. We meet in the supermarket after her bad breakup and she forgets her wallet and tumbles into tears at the register(obviously today has just been too much). I offer to pay while her hands divert the tears and make my getaway. Days later we meet again when I run out of gas and she offers me a ride...the rest is history. 

Sounds more like a low budget chick flick, than a way to meet someone.

Another reason is some of the ones close to me in life have shown their true colors, and want me around when they need a shoulder to cry on, or a earlier planned outing falls through, the guy backs out. A fall back, meet Chris, the convenient friend, who is a gentleman and always pays.

It made me realize that my social pool is heavily fished, and all the good ones seem to have been caught. 

I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm perfectly OK being holed up at home with my nose in a book for now. Or working on my motorcycle, playing the guitar or cooking dinner. I don't need a someone, and i don't need to be somewhere. 

I'm content.

Sure a few more bucks in my pocket would seal the deal, but let's not talk crazy.

I still have my boys. Those guys are the closest things I have or may ever have to a girlfriend. And I wouldn't trade them for anything. They keep me socially acceptable and literate. 

There is a twist to this tale. After a few months of rigorous experimental projects and intense documentation, I have formed a thesis on disinterest in dating, conclusion...it drives girls crazy. 

They want to be your exception, and be the one who changed you of your stubborn anti relationship ways. Why this is, I'll never know, but it works. They can't stand you not being interested in them, and i highly recommend it to anyone struggling for attention. 

Not trying to brag mind you, just stating facts. So there it is, where I've been and what I'm thinking. If anything else worthy of note pops into this tangled noodle a mine, you'll be the first to know.

loveyouandstuff.

buckets of affection.

i'm a distracted guy.

VERY. distracted. 

i have the attention span of a 2 year old in Toys-r-Us.

it has come to my attention that i have an emotional disconnect. 

a what?

that's right kittens, an emotional disconnect. 

i will listen to your problems until the sun peeks over the horizon. 

but how long will you listen to mine?

you won't.

why?

cause that is not my style. 

i stopped telling people HOW i feel, but WHY i feel.

i pray that makes sense. 

if not, there is no use in you reading further. go make some chex mix or something.

if so...continue. 

some families are very affectionate. 

they kiss goodbye.

kiss goodnight. 

kiss hello.

kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss. 

hugs are thrown around like drunken lovers.

back rubs and hand holds are all the rage.

and the, i love yous, hover in a room like a cheap perfume.

others are just huggers. 

they hug hello and hug goodbye.

exchange small talk and sports scores. 

weather patters and stock points.

i love you is said on anniversaries and birthday cards. 

then there are the hand shakers. 

they shake hands. 

no hugs. 

no i love yous.

kisses will get you punched,

and the highest affection level is taking out the trash, and a new tube of toothpaste. 

i fall somewhere between the last two.

shocked? 

my father's father didn't say i love you.

mine seldom does. 

i tell him every time we talk. 

"Love you dad!"

"K, bye."

...skunked again.

i keep saying it hoping that maybe i'll get one back just out of pure reflex. 

i'm not hurt or offended by this. 

that's just the way things went for him growing up. 

however, do i think this has an impact on me?

a very big yes, and a medium sized no. 

i struggle with affection, because it was rarely given.

sure grandma kisses me on the cheek, but only after a bone saw to the sternum, and a secure headlock.

when i am touched i recoil. 

not out of disgust or because i'm a germaphobe. 

but because it is new and unusual to me. 

when somebody is being sweet to me, my mind thinks they are trying to butter me up for something. 

not just because they love me. 

it's even worse, when you care for someone, and the feelings still seem unnatural.

I've often forced myself to at least try and be affectionate, 

usually failing miserably, or giving someone a black eye.

hey i'm trying to affection you. gimme a break. 

now i'm in no way saying i was poorly raised.

oh cont rare. 

i have the most wonderful parents a kid could ask for. 

they've taught me some of the most important life lessons thus far. 

and they BOTH, came from a family with a father who wasn't big on the "L" word.

as i'm sure their fathers did too. 

and so on and so on. 

this is as difficult to explain as it is to overcome. 

a simple back scratch is received with a worried scowl from most of my family.

"What in heavens name are you doing?"

NOW let me make one thing clear. 

i believe there is a difference in affection, and sexual attention. 

if a girl slides her hand up your thigh, probably sexual.

if she puts her hand on your shoulder, affection.

if she whispers something dirty in your ear, sometimes awkward, but mainly sexual.

if she gives you a high 5, probably not ready to start losing layers. 

if she starts to nibble on your ear, she is either a hungry cannibal, 

or she's ready to skip dinner and hit the sheets.

but what do i know?

maybe a high five means much, much more.

this might sound SO strange to some of you, but i assure you it's a very real thing. 

it's an incredibly interesting family dynamic as well. 

i know it's something i can work on, and trust me i've been trying.

with my luck i'll probably marry a masseuse.

so if i act strangely when you place your hand on my knee. 

or start to sweat uncontrollably.

im not having an allergic reaction,

im having an affection attack.  

radio antennas.

isn't it unfair.


how you can live a decent, honest life,
and nothing seems to go your way.


the "bad" people fall into success,
find riches and power by mere happenstance.

you work hard everyday and barely make ends meet.
desperately trying to get your own life started,
when suddenly you're caught up in something,
which means giving up everything.

isn't it amazing.

how quickly things can change.
how things can go from a walk in a daydream,
to a collision course with regret.

how the face of someone you used to know,
can turn into someone you wouldn't even recognize.
finding truths in the voices of secret books.
uncovering the lies in the water lilies.

how the choices of your own life can be drastically changed by those of others.
a course of learning and progression, bowing down to the needs of others.
putting someone else before yourself.
forgetting yourself for awhile.

isn't it funny. 

that the people we hold most dear, are the ones we hurt the most.
that the walls will keep their secrets as you tip toe down the hall.

that living your secrets effect the rest of us.
no vaccine for your disease.
no antidote for the poison on your breath.

that sometimes the hardest things in the world,
can lead to times better than ever before.
they change like the seasons.
they change no matter how much we resist.

isn't it ironic. 

that the things that make us happiest can turn on us in the end.
biting the hand that feeds.
burning the bridge that leads you home.

feeling bad just because you got caught.
being upset because someone is better off without you.
that someone can be okay without you.
that happiness, means no more you.

that when it rains, it pours.
misery loves company.
karma is a bitch.

isn't it wonderful.

how lucky you are, even when all seems lost.
how much you have, when left with nothing.
that there is an ALWAYS in everything.

turning a corner may bring new opportunities never imagined.
when the lord closes a door, he opens a window.
that you will always win until you give up.

that someone knows how you feel.
things could always be worse.
that this will make you stronger,
no matter how much you'd rather things be easy.

now is never the time to fret about things in motion that cannot be stopped.
now is never the time to desperately search for a way out of the dark.
now is never the time to think about how horrible life can be.

now is the time to be grateful for the reflection in your mirror.
now is the time to embrace change and defeat it.
now is the time to become who you've always wanted to be.

a self excavation is in order.
dig.
find yourself.

isn't life a gift?


something bigger than you is happening.
something wonderful has been given to you.
never give up when life has you cornered.

"God places the heaviest burdens, on those who can carry it's weight."
-Reggie White

take a walk in someone else's shoes, before you write them off forever.
grasp the good in them and never let it go.
you're not spotless, and neither is he.
hate the sin.
not the sinner.
life, is to short to hold grudges.

isn't life somethin?

concrete daydreams.

i love my life.

i credit my unshakable faith of hope. 

a hope in tomorrow and hard work.

hard work and perseverance.

penny by penny.

day by day.

it's absolutely shameful how money can make life easier.

some don't know a hard days work.

maybe they never will.

i both pity, and envy them.

to have abundance at my fingertips seems a simple enough solution.

on the other hand, life experience is incalculable. 

the silver in my pocket never goes very far, but i'm one of the lucky ones.

i have a roof over my head, and shoes on my feet.

these feet have taken me to a crossroads.

one road is a familiar path, the restaurant business. 

the other is new, and uncertain, photography.

i'm ready to gamble on this new route.

of which if things go well, could prove extremely fruitful and prosperous.

i'm trekking into an extremely competitive field.

the world is full of those with fancy equipment and technical know how.

I've found that though many may have the tools, they lack the creative mind.

this, ladies and gentlemen, is wherein my gamble lies.

so i have to mind to not only outsmart, but outperform these others?

do i have the eye to catch new angles, see new ideas, and pioneer a style my very own?

can i beat them at a game they've been playing much longer than me?

i've been counting every dime and nickel i can find.

desperately trying to put myself in a better position to support myself and those i love.

harder still, is finding the confidence who is constantly flirting with arrogance and telling the lovers apart.

i can be better.

i will be better.

i am better.

i'm petrified that failure has already signed my contract.

i tremble knowing that i may throw effort after foolishness and end up in a deeper hole than the one i stand in now.

but i won't stop.

i am determined to master this gift and shape it into something different and beautiful.

keep my struggle inside of you, and root for me.

i need all the help i can get.

watch the birdie.

-christopher michael

koobecaf.

Christopher M Cooley,

"i hate girls." October 1st 2010

-2 people, and a number of others like this-24 Comments-

the facebook status is nothing more than a number contest. how witty can i be today? how many will think this is funny?
i myself, am guilty.

sheesh.

im considering deleting my facebook.

and id love for someone to talk me out of it.
(seriously though, please.)

id rather see a face than get a comment.

id rather shake a hand than get an email.

hell id even settle for a text over an instant message.

the window of human interaction is shrinking. 

where have all the humans gone?

"CHRIS, why don't we ever hang out?! Sooooooon pleeeaassse! i miiiiissssssss yoouuuuuu."

gag me. 

you haven't even tried you sneaky little skag.
not to mention, you used WAY too many vowels dummy.

facebook is a wonderful tool don't get me wrong. 

wedding invites.

distant friends.

birthdays.
way cool pictures.

event invites.

hilarious youtube videos.

obsessing over someone you've never met...

stalking people you'd like to maybe but not really meet someday.
having a conversation on someone else's wall and that person thinks they are really cool until they find out its just two people talking for 3 days, buzz kill.

...its very hard to sense any genuineness through a computer screen.

 i don't want girls stalking my page,(not bragging, they exist) then "texting" me when they find something contradicting, or troubling. 

"WHAT THE HELL CAHRIS?"

pass the drama?....no thanks, i'm stuffed.

im done with the status that is trying to make me jealous, or want you back.

im done with the "public" backstabbing, and childish little revenge tactics.

insulting me to my face, isn't as easy as hiding behind your Macintosh, or whatever.
...guilty.

oh and don't even get me started on the facebook friend removal.

it's often more hurtful than an actual REAL LIFE friend removal.

you go to snoop around this ladies page, saddened your real life romantic entanglement didn't work out, and boom. you hit a wall of " YOU ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED TO SNOOP DOGG."

salt in the wound. 

you suck in reality AND cyberspace. 

might as well go check my myspace.

how depressing is it logging onto facebook after a long trip, or absence, excited to see the going on's and whose missing you. you log in...and...NOTHING. that little red flag isn't flapping in your face. you DO NOT have 73 new notifications...not even sorry. 

not even a comment on a comment. 

NOT EVEN A DAMN "LIKE". 

FML. im soooo unpopular.

oh well. im gunna upload my 832 pictures of my south dakota trip.

most i took of myself, holding my camera.

once again, guilty.

please don't forget me world.

my phone is on and ready to set up a real life meeting at happy sumo.

maybe i'm taking f-book for granted.

who knows what  may happen.

i'm a analog player in a digital world. 

i hope i can hold out and actually do what i've said.

im addicted to internet interaction.

how long will i last?

pray for me.

christopher's relationship status went from in a relationship, to single.

goodbye social network, it's been real...well...sorta.

"christopher" is no longer online(send as message)

prison with your pinstripes.

Catching your smile with a silkened neck tie.

crooked and hell bent with lust for every breath of you.

your face falls into dreams, and your voice is indeed a fairy tale.

your company is indeed a cruel mistress.

cloaked in beauty, dripping with agitating fondness.

stained with the memories of love once lost.
and prejudice to any notion of future seeds sown.

letters tucked in tattered pages.
gifts left clinging to history.
words knit in a road less traveled.

give me rest for my tired feet.

in a bed less room covered with paper.

leave the sanctuary of my misty mind, and find shelter elsewhere.

give it up.

give it all.

give it time.

go to school.

go to church.

say your prayers.

love thy neighbor.

so much counsel and so few listeners.

advice is easily given.

a mouth is only good for proving you a fool.

i am one unfocused boy.

conflicted.

confusing.

contradicting.

i walk a fine line.

a line so thin, the breath of a child could blow me off course.

do i do what is right, or do i do what is polite?

do i take my human passions and lay them on the line?

risking everything to feel alive?

Or lock them up, and throw the key into the night?

i've focused so much on one thing, 

that i lost sight of everything.

take my hand

and lead me safely there.

to the place with no name.

life is good. 

im not complaining, only contemplating.

life is good yes, but could life be BETTER?

life will do its terrible dance, and all of our truths lay evident.
im convinced we hold our fate in delicate hands.
some hold tight, others let it slip through like water.
those who leave everything to chance watch life pass them by while making grand plans for it.

chase your daydreams to the edge of your consciousness.
keep them in glass jars safe for all to see.
and when the time is right,
drink them down,
and feel the light of yourself change the course of your everything.

more secrets.

back by popular demand, but more a means to get some weight off me chest.(just spoke in pirate. you're welcome.)

the vault of Chris has been opened once more...apparently, this being my third confession post, i have A LOT of secrets, but don't tell anyone.

I have a nickname for a body part.
Sir Christopher.
That's ALL i will say.

i stuff my candy wrappers between the couch cushions, then blame it on my brother.

I believe in the booty call, as long as it's a mutual booty.

i'm jealous of my best friend. VERY jealous.

i am petrified of spiders. 

little creeps can die.

i can't stand bad breath,

tic tac sir?

i own a snuggie, and i'm ashamed of how perfect it is.

i don't floss at my dental specialists specifications.

hey, we are all lazy sometimes.

ghost stories are forbidden when i'm camping.

still a little scuured.

i have a commitment problem.

trying to work on that.

i think good looking married women, 

are more attractive than single ones.

i wear a wedding ring at work to boost my tips.

i sleep in the same bed as my dog.

(he hogs the covers)

i've fallen in love with someone i've never met.

i've never had a cavity!

(hence the flossing dilemma.)

im addicted to flaming hot cheetos.

i faked sick to get out of a blind date...twice.

i've always wanted to live with a girl, but in a non-sexual environment.

i lost my virgin lips, at 18.

i'm WAY too involved in music.

i believe Seinfeld to be the best TV series of all time.

FRIENDS CAN SUCK IT.

fall is my favorite time of year.

i have a minor jacket obsession.

when i get to know a girl, i place her in a wife setting and see if she has what it takes.

even if i have no shot.

my deepest fear, is divorce.

my bragging rights, are my friends.

my insecurity, is my looks.

i sometimes blow dry my hair.

i think my nose is HUGE.

i don't tan naked. 

think about all the other nakedness 

in that little cancer tube.

safety first.

i wish the snow would stay in the mountains,

and stay off my road.

i pray that my future wife will be okay marrying

someone who has nothing, 

but will give her everything.

im more vain than i'd like to admit.

i hate my teeth, i have fangs. eat your heart out edward.

i laugh at my own jokes.

i love girls who aren't afraid to speak their minds.

im addicted to butter.

i wish i was smarter.

i wish i was stronger.

i wish i wasn't so complicated.

--christopher michael

footprints.

here i am. on another cloudless night.
alone.
thinking.

wondering who i am.
what i want.
where my life has been.
where my life is headed.

my answers are few.
my questions aplenty.

people question everything.
job security.
salary.
location.
training.
all important things.

i question footprints.
friendships.
memories.

i would rather change a life, 

than rest my head on a pillow of money.

i would rather be remembered,

and not replaced.

i would rather build my empire on shoulders,

than on skyscrapers.

whats the point in living a life so consumed with money, power and fame?

when you pass on, you can't take it with you.

who cares about photos in magazines?

who cares about fancy cars?

who cares about square footage?

setting aside vanity is nearly impossible.

it is the driving force behind business.

twisted steel and sex appeal. 

and sadder still, in this world one must be practical.

education.

foundation.

realization.

i am going to change lives one day.

i want to let go of the world, 

but my fist is clenched tight.

I've adapted to fit in and survive, 

and forgotten to coexist.

publish me.

quote me.

scorn me.

i'm over thinking outside your box.

and thinking inside my own.

Christopher Michael Cooley

ht-6'0

wt-165

eye color-blue

hair color-blonde

d.o.b-7-19-86

occupation-life changer

take me to the sea.

inching for a fight.
ready to pack my bags, and leave my name behind.

find a new me,
a new place,
a new outlook.

i often ask myself,

"christopher, why are you so complicated?"

I answer with a wry grin.

"I ask myself the same thing sometimes."

come and save me from myself.

red rover 

red rover

send madness right over.

give me my sleep back.

give me my words back.

give me my desire.

my life is in a coma.

today is only a reflection of tomorrow.

every corner is the same.

new names same faces.

i know that life isn't easy.

but i never knew it was so uncomfortable.

my wrinkled skin betrays my age.

my tight lips eclipse my smile.

nobody should ever be comfortable all alone.

put me on a train.

take me to the sea.

let me start over.

give me the chance to do it right.

to do it my way.

my life'e vending machine is offering so much new.

so much excitement and adventure.

but i spent my last quarter on you.

throw me in a bar fight.

give me a high speed chase.

push me out of an airplane.

my life is seriously lacking adventure.

what's worse is, 

i'm becoming used to it. 

dating? tried it.

love? fell deep into it.

lust? been consumed by it.

give me serenity.

show me necessity.

cover me, in spontaneity.

my eyes have lost sight of my dreams.

and my will to search has diminished.

i sleep on the floor.

i play the bongo drums.

i listen to my music.

i won't let anyone inside.

i don't know why.

but i wish i did.

i'm out of place.

out of thought.

out, of my mind.

row

row

row your boat gently down the stream.

merrily

merrily merrily

merrily,

life is but a dream

head strong.

lose yourself in my sunrise.
wake yourself to my humming.

run with no shoes.
sleep with no clothes.

taste the words on my skin.

embark on the journey through my mind.

welcome to my fearless.

transcend tomorrow with me. 

inject your promise into my veins.

cradle my smile. 

play the drums with me.

strum the guitar.

shake the maracas. 

lets make music. 

lose yourself in small talk.

catch up on silly nothings.

catch your shadow.

run to the sea.

ransom the colors of dreams.

in exchange for laughter.

look to the stars.

fall through your worries.

give in.

do not give up.

shout hellos.

whisper goodbyes.

3.

2.

1.

hear the beat in your chest.

see the light in your eyes.

clap your hands and whistle your melody.

kidnap sadness.

lock it in a safe.

throw the key into the night.

monday.

tuesday.

yesterday.

consider yourself mighty.

unconquerable.

unquenchable.

give me a smile, for my empty pockets.

give me a sock, for my old worn shoes.

give me a tomorrow, and i'll give you a forever.

eloquent.

you will be a sand castle builder.

childish and carefree.

artistic.

motivated.

you will let your hair down.

relaxed and unproductive.

mellow.

passe.

your words will lie down like lovers.

i will be your patient imagination.

twisting and turning.

weaving and bobbing in and out of your thoughts.

i will be your midnight snack.

sinful and satisfying.

discreetly wild.

contagiously addicting.

you are eloquent.

 passionate.

driven yet subdued.

obsessed with the prospect of love.

you are fashion.

causally formal.

jeans and jewels.

a visage of self confidence.

i am an old guitar.

faded and worn.

out of tune but beautifully strung.

living to sing my songs.

i am daydreams.

talking but never chasing.

wishing.

hoping.

we are.

laughter.

chemical.

fluid.

we breathe.

mayhem.

innocence.

curiosity.

we feel.

coffee stained memories.

black and white photos.

steamy mirrors.

you are.

i am.

we become.

you paint fingernails.

i paint window trim.

you walk the dogs.

i walk to work.

you read your novels.

i read your mind.

wash.

dry.

rinse.

repeat.

you drive the car.

i drive you crazy.

i spill the drinks.

you spill the beans.

we plant the flowers.

we watch them grow.

drip goes the faucet i promise to fix.

drop goes your favorite mug.

you are eloquent.

grace.

beauty in slow motion.

you possess.

light in shadows.

influence in chivalry.

a righteous infatuation.

you dictate.

my mood.

my mind.

my means.

i speak in riddles.

i walk with tomorrows.

i sleep on emotion.

we race on adventures.

we feast on karma.

we fly on melodies.

runaway.

have you ever wanted to escape?

just pack your bags.

choose a flight.

and disappear.

no plan.

no money.

nobody.

new faces.

new voices.

new places.

it'd be nice to go somewhere where you can introduce yourself without any prejudice in your pockets.

they don't know your history, and you don't know their's.

it's you and a clean slate.

no more bad dreams.

no more drama.

no more worry.

being out of your element places you in a higher sense of things.

you are on your best behavior.

bringing only good to the table.

or sometimes.

is it better to be alone.

a dark hotel room.

air conditioner blasting cold warmth.

tiny soap.

tiny shampoo.

tiny towels.

do not disturb signs.

someone, come rescue me.