Cry like a man.

Today started out like any other.
I woke up, washed my hair, brushed my teeth, and drove to work.
Saw a beautiful girl, made some money and came home happy as a clam.

My chipper mood didn't last long.
Some of you know of the circumstances surrounding my living back at home, but few know of my roles here.
I have become a therapist,
a carpenter,
a mechanic,
a gardener,
a butler,
a chef,
a philanthropist,
a farmer,
and a vet.

 I am also 24 years old, with no kids, but still a father.

My father's home is in California.
He is a wonderful man and I only hope I can be a fraction of the man he is one day.

This home is fatherless.
My two brothers both have different fathers, and i can assure you that neither of them live here.
Today I had an overflowing plate full of responsibilities.
Gritting my teeth I got to work quick and determined, and not inclined as to showing much emotion.
I had finals to study for and the day was growing darker.
The tasks began to disappear and finally, I had a house full of peace, and a little bit of me time.
It was then that everything hit me.

I pictured life at 24 to be full of adventure and excitement. 

I should be out with the boys, having a brew at the sports bar. 

I should be carefree and tan lying in the sun with a woman on each arm. 

I should be planning a hiking trip to Peru, or a surfing trip to Brazil. 

I should be womanizing and living my life to the fullest extent. 

I did not picture myself here. 

Trying to support a family, and trying to keep it all together. 

Some of you are already here. Young husbands and fathers, and to you, I tip my cap. In my defense however, most of you made the choices that brought you to this point.

I was brought to mine out of responsibility. 

If this sounds like a pity party, i apologize, that is certainly not what i'm trying to get at all. 

I guess today was just too much for me to handle. 

I finally got tired of being strong.
I walked down into my room, pulled the blankets over my head, and began to weep.

I cried.
And i cried.
AND I CRIED.

I cried because of how confused i am with my life.
I cried because my beautiful mother has been forced into a position of sink or swim.
I cried because I am seeing everyone else around me moving forward with life, and i'm stuck behind the glass.
I cried because my foolish heart, and feeble stabs at love have all backfired in my face.
I cried because of uncertainty and not knowing what in my life would happen next.
I cried because of how scared I am to finally let someone in and get vulnerable again.
I cried because of how stupid i felt buried under the covers crying!

I cried, like a man.

After I composed myself, I got out of bed, and started cleaning. Cleaning always helps clear my mind, and a wonderful friend of mine kept me sane while I tried to pull myself back together, and bless her sweet heart, she did a tremendous job.

Thank you MH.

I'm no hero or anything like that. I am doing what anyone else would do. I've been blessed so much in my life I should never complain again. My family is the most important thing in the world to me, and i guess I've been asked to make a few additional sacrifices for them. I know that i am learning some valuable lessons for my time as a father, and maybe i'm so thick headed, that this is the only way to teach me how. I learned that you can't always do it by yourself, and there is always someone there to pick you up.

Next time you're overwhelmed, take a timeout and open the floodgates. Crying is a cleansing. It's a marvelous  indication of your human nature, and proof that you feel. It shows you that you love, and that you care. So go ahead and cry ladies and gentlemen, but if you wanna cry right, you cry like a man.