question mark.

Death

is

inevitable.

What a bleak beginning eh? Give me a moment of your time, and let's see if we can change that outlook huh?

It was raining. Pouring actually. Everyone was dressed in black, with only hovering umbrellas to provide color. The sky was thick with clouds, and the ground was saturated with wetness.

The headstones wore a cold look of misery, as the rain stained their engraved faces.

My misty breath tickled my eyelashes, as if trying to escape the confines of my body and join the clouds above.

The scene resembled a movie. A picturesque sadness.

A man loved by many, had passed.

The sniffles and whimpers of the group, only magnified my uneasiness. I had been to funerals before, and was in no way fond of them.
One was enough for me, and this was my second in two months.

I placed myself at a distance from my family, foregoing the shelter of the awning, as the falling rain teased my senses.

It seemed the very color of life, was washing away.

Few words were spoken, but powerful were their impressions. Some evoked more than tears, lonely sobs broke the silence in the grayness.

A lump began to form in my tight throat. I fought back, with happy thoughts of my own, and the fact that the unbearable ordeal was nearly over.

It was then time, to bid final goodbyes, as the program began to close. Many left. Gathering themselves and rushing to a warm car, eager to leave this dreary place.

Some, stayed. Not quite ready to say goodbye to their old friend. Their uncle...their father.

Until all that remained, were empty chairs, myself, and a lonely casket.

"What am i doing here," i asked myself. The harder I tried to convince myself to leave, the stronger i felt the impression to stay.

So, I began to walk. I couldn't leave this place while these thoughts danced around in my head.

I had only known my uncle for a short while. Understanding little about him, and somewhat ignorant of my presence being requested on this day.

Nevertheless, this man taught me one of my greatest lessons. Not in the flesh, but in his unfortunate passing.

If we all could have the chance to see what would happen after we leave this earth, would we take it? Could we bare to see the ones we love, so heartbroken and grief stricken?

If we could leave life at this very moment in time, would we take that chance? We would leave our friendships. Our families. Our passions.

Our pains.

We would also leave the loose ends. The mistakes. The unfinished business. The lies.

Our grudges.

Who would come to see me? Who would come to say goodbye one last time?

Who wouldn't bother?

Who would bring me flowers, and cut out my obituary in the paper?

As selfish as this may sound, I want to know that I mattered. That I was important to people. I want to know what would be said about me to others. Was I a good person? Did i always do my best? Did I leave a worthy impression?

Most can remember a name, but more, remember kindness.

This is now a thought that is ever present on my mind. It gently guides me, and helps me decide sometimes the silliest little things.

What will they remember?

On the other hand, what bad things would be said. What unforgotten memories will be stirred up? What hate carried in hearts would come forth from the night and show the REAL side of me. The greed, the lies, the mistakes. All my flaws in a grand parade of mockery.

Exposed.

Who would not attend. What if that someone you thought cared unconditoinally, didn't come say goodbye.

Nobody can outrun their past. It is a constant companion, and our greatest teacher. I am in no way, shape or form, perfect. I have lied, cheated, stolen, broken, and betrayed. Some look at me with total loathing and disgust.

Some live a life of sheer greed, and selfishness. Caring only about themselves and are in noway concerned with the feelings of others.

Take Ebeneezer Scrooge, he was so wicked, the only way to bring him to his senses, was to show him his own death, and the petrifying lack of remorse or sympathy from anyone.

"He got what he deserved," are they right?

Can good deeds erase wrong doings? Is it possible to make up for a less than decent past?

Some folks, have a nasty habit of never forgetting. Many, take grudges to the grave.

Does everyone deserve a second chance? Absolutely. Rarely, do we get things right the first time. So we practice, and hopefully we learn to practice doing what is right.

I believe in eternal consequence. We can't just stand by, be vicious people and then waltz through them pearly gates. We have to earn that right. By being good, honest, admirable people. We may not see the fruits of our goodness in this life, but i am convinced, that we will most certainly someday.

You never know who might be watching you, or what lessons you may be teaching. I find comfort in the fact that even if nobody sees me, i know in my heart that what i am doing, is right.

Will they mourn for you? Will they shed tears of sadness and pain?

Or will some, not even mind your absence?

What will they say about you?