depth perception.

Welcome to our ool. (notice, there is no P in it.)

You know the rules.

no running.

no diving.

no splashing.

Always bring your own towel, your own suit, and be sure to wear plenty of sunscreen.

We all swim in this pool, and we all have our favorite spots. Some like the deep end, others like it where their feet can barely touch. Some like it up to their knees, and others only their ankles. Why?

Because we are all, to some degree, SHALLOW.

That's right kids, shallow. Don't believe me? Swim this way.

I like girls. An incredibly true, and fairly blunt statement, but do I like just any ol' gal?

No.

Why?

Because I'm shallow.

{Picture this}

463 pound Annabell. Annabell is 46 years old, and out lookin' for love. She has flaming red hair, brilliantly blue eyeshadow, red rose lipstick...and speakin' a shadows...a 5'o'clock one as well. Her teeth are a buttered popcorn yellow, and as her sausage like fingers fix her hair, she puckers her lips in her handheld mirror. I notice her purple, llama covered sundress, and as I grow closer the classic, socks under the sandals combo. Her 7 dollar perfume is enough to reveal my lunch, as it mingles with the deodorant abandoned armpits. (Given her girth, deodorant is not only impossible, it's impractical.)

Now, if you have painted a likeness anywhere near mine, Annie, isn't my type of girl.

And how do I know this? I have never talked, nor seen her in my life, and know nothing, absolutely nothing about her. For all i know, she possesses every single attribute as would my dream girl.

She loves sushi. She adores the sunshine. She is fascinated by World War II. Loves to laugh, and wants to visit Europe one day. Perfect.

How would one unearth this inner beauty? How could you know that under that llama infested monstrosity, the girl of your dreams is waiting? Well I wouldn't. Because i would outwardly judge Annabell's situation, and come to many, biased conclusions.

1. Look at her! She can't even take care of herself.
2. That outfit is...all around wrongo bongo.
3. She is definitely not sure dry.

Wow Chris, you're a jerk. Oh am I? Would you approach her brother, Alexander, who has an uncanny, if not creepy family resemblance? Why wouldn't you? Because looks matter.

In my experience, the first thing we do to size up another potential playmate, is notice their outsides.

You don't feel an attraction, you move on.

Think about it.

You notice some dude looking fly at a party, great smile, great style, GREAT BUTT. So, you start putting out that vibe. You finally get his attention, lock eyes, and...boom, a connection is made. It is then your priority to go interact with this guy, because that's the next step. Your first thought is not, "OK, I need to talk to every single person in this room, because you never know how wonderful someone is on the inside, if all you do is judge their outside."

If this is how the rest of the world works and I've failed to catch the train, please, someone, correct me. Or, am I absolutely right? Is it possible to see someone, and know, not to mention see, so much more than meets the eye?

I for one, try to look somewhat presentable. I am concerned with the way I look, because I want my someone to be concerned about how THEY look.

I go to the gym, and put my body through ridiculously foolish pain and torture, because I want my someone to take care of their body too.

I brush my teeth, because EVERYONE SHOULD. No excuses here.

Does this make me shallow?

We want to look good with who we are with. This goes for boys and girls. Hey fellas, check out my girl...she is SMOKIN' hot.

Hey ladies, keep your hands off my man, cause he is ALL mine.

It's like a nice car. Anyone, can look good in a nice car.

We do unimaginably terrible things to ourselves for the approval of others. Whatever it takes for us to get that sexy factor.

Lipo. Breast augmentation. Tummy tuck. Face lift. Stomach staple. Hair transplant. Laser.

Raymond is 264 pounds. Has no sense of personal hygiene, and STILL plays with Pokemon cards. He adores cargo shorts, Jerry Springer, and death metal. He eats nothing but fast food, and hasn't done his laundry since 04'. He also just dumped his girlfriend, because he didn't think she wasn't pretty enough for him.

Is Raymond shallow?

We all have likes and dislikes. Things we can't stand, and things we adore.

Meeting someone new is like putting together a jig-saw puzzle. We choose a box that appeals to us, open it up, and find our some one's insides. Likes, dislikes, habits, flaws everything. The only way to really get down to the raw, exposed someone, is to put their puzzle together.

Often the box looks AMAZING on the outside, but houses only boring, and incompatible pieces. Not all the pieces fit. So you put the box away, choose a new one, and start over.

Other times, the pieces all fit and you live happily ever after.

Bottom line?

Like it or not. The initial attraction is more often outward than inward. Why? The outward sparks the attraction, that ignites the quest to learn more. Without the intial attraction, nothing is learned because no effort is involved. Nothing more is searched for. Your mind is made up. Make sense?

Christopher, what does this mean for average looking guys like us?

Well first and foremost, we have to fortify other areas of ourselves to make up for the other not so fortified ones. We know we struggle with looks, but do we with personality? NO. Conveniently enough that is our strong suit. Lucky for us, if you are somewhat near decent looking, a powerful personality can do wonders for skin and bones lacking a certain finesse.

An attraction level can triple at the discovery of another's hidden passions.

We all have our degrees of shallowness, but I believe that this is important. It makes us who we are and attracts those we want to be with. It also weeds out the yucky, smelly, and time wasters. So stay a little shallow, be a little picky, but do not overlook the average, because if you do, many, just like me, are outta luck.

My hands are getting all pruny, time to get out. Pass the sunscreen.

Christopher Michael

ELECTRIC

I AM NOT AFRAID OF A ONE NIGHT STAND.

There I said it, and I don't even feel bad about it.

It's been awhile since I've even felt the warmth of a body cuddled next to me, or a set of puckered lips tasting my own, and i HATE it. So, if you don't want to hear me talk about it, go read a blog about fishing or something.

I was born with two, count em, two weaknesses. One is food. Given my slender frame, most wouldn't think that I eat like a horse.

(I was so hungry, I ate a whole one once.)

I adore food. I love every aspect of it.

The color, the texture, the smell, the whole process of cooking it. Yum.

The second, is skin, and this ladies and gentlemen,

is where I get into trouble.

T

R

O

U

B

L

E

Some of you may be saying to yourselves,

"Christopher, i don't understand what you mean by skin,

could you please enlighten us, because we are terribly curious?"

The female human body, is one of the sexiest and most fascinating things on this earth.

I see hundreds of them everyday.

Some in cars.

Some on the streets.

Some at the store.

Some at the bank.

Some catch me staring.

Mind you they all aren't the same, no no. Some are curvy, like a winding road that I'd like to drive. Others are skinny and straight, like a tree I'd like to climb. Then there are the select few, who have curves where I like em, and long straight lines elsewhere.

Let me break it down for you...

Eyes...who cares?

Legs...yes.

Butt...yes.

Hair...preferably.

Chest...I'm not picky.

BOOBS, DO NOT MAKE OR BREAK A GIRL.

I can go with or without em, so stop stressing about them ladies...sheesh.

Lips...oh man. I'm picky about these. I need full, soft, succulent, pouting lips.

"Christopher, I'm still confused as to where this is going."

Be patient.

I was born with somewhat of a wild side. Shocked right? God blessed me with many wonderful traits. Having said that, he also leveled things out with a lot of, these could be trouble, traits. He gave me a very curious mind, and a greater understanding of the female thought process. Now you're really shocked aren't you?

A pair of hands who have minds of their own,

and a terrible vulnerability when lips approach my ear area.

Have I made some poor decisions? Yes. Am i ashamed?

Not as much as I should be.

I won't hide it from people,

but some things are special and should be kept private right?

Right.

Guys who brag are classless.

How do things go down? Something like this...

We have been hanging out for awhile. We are cuddling on the couch or something, and you whisper in my ear. BOOM. Such a turn on.

Next you keep looking at my lips...I don't have some dinner leftover in my teeth or something do I? You get closer, and I can't take it anymore.

You go 10, and I'm going 90.

ELECTRIC.

Goosebumps.

Short of breath.

Eyes closed tight.

Chemistry, can turn a mediocre night into a fireworks display.

The feeling you get when you touch lips with someone you care about for the first time, is so magical, that i won't even try to describe it for fear of ruining it. Some aren't so lucky when the first kiss sparks, and they would rather forget it. I however was one of the lucky ones.

Now that we are kissing, let's turn things up a notch. I might tug on your ear, play with your hair, bite your lower lip...it all depends on the signals you're flashing, after all I'm following your lead. I'll take over when I'm good and ready, but just know, you take my shirt off, you better be prepared to lose yours as well.

Do i move fast? NO.

Sometimes, I'm just trying to keep up.

That's as far as I'll go.

I don't know much, but i do know this, exploring the skin of someone, can be one of the most special, or one of the most disrespectful things you can ever do.

Respecting a woman,

will do more than thousands of dollars ever could.

I don't know how a dude, can be attracted to another dude. It could be because I haven't experienced that. Sure I have man crushes, Johnny Depp, Brandon Boyd, and John Mayer to name a few. Admiring them is as far as it goes...

OK maybe I want to hang out with them for a day, but that's it!

The silhouette of a female is breathtaking. Male anatomy is less than graceful to say the least, but the lines of the female body...wow.

Men were God's rough drafts, the woman however, his masterpiece.

Now I'm no sexual pervert, or horn dog. Writing this is defiantly a stretch for me i assure you. I'm merely admiring the structure and attractiveness of the ladies in this world.

Now, sometimes we find ourselves in positions, where attachment isn't wanted. You've been through it before and enjoy the single life. Just because you are single, doesn't mean your desires go away. It only means you have to be particularly careful

about how you go fulfilling them.

Sometimes, we get lucky and find someone in the same boat we are.

No strings attached. Awesome.

Now and then, friends go from good friends, to "go to friends." This of course can lead to awkward interaction, and loss of friendship.

No bueno.

Other times we choose wrong, and are stuck with a leech for a month or two, and these can be messy situations. Someone, like it or not, is gonna get hurt.

Point being, I wouldn't mind a one night stand. I'm not talking about hittin' a home run here, maybe just a little lip action and cuddle time. Is that wrong?

We all want that feeling of being wanted. Even if it's just for one night.

Right?

Ladies, why are you so CRUEL to me?

Mr. Cj.

This one's for you pal.

I can't speak good.

I struggle saying out loud what's exactly on my mind. The words just aren't there, and no matter how hard i try to find them, they escape me. The cunning nouns, no good scheming verbs, and those ever elusive adjectives.

When i find myself lost in the moment, i focus so hard on what's being said, that i forget to think of what to say. It's always hard to give someone advice that isn't total b.s. when in fact, you have no idea what it is they are going through.


I couldn't help but worry about you. Call me sensitive, call me a weirdo, but i was needless to say, very concerned. I felt as though there was something inside of you desperately trying to get out, and solve the puzzle that was keeping it all inside.

I would love to give you some expert advice. To help you try and solve all of your problems, and set you free, so to speak. To somehow, shed some much needed light on your cloudy dilemma. I'm not here to preach, nor am I hear to blame.

Are you ready for it?

To put it bluntly,

I got nothin'.


All I have are my life lessons as examples. Many things you are going through are yours and yours alone. I have never stepped foot in that arena, I've only watched from the bleachers.

Now these are merely observations, and are in no way, shape, or form, cures.

I see myself inside of you...uh..allow me to rephrase.

I see a lot of my myself in you...eh...wow.

Hmm.

You and I...

We are very similar. There, much better.

We seem to have this curse to see the deeper side of life rather than the obvious everyday marquees.

Anyone can see a rainbow, but not everyone will find the beauty in it. It is so hard to find a silver lining, when you have a bowl full of cereal, and are COMPLETELY out of milk.

It sometime seems, that no matter how good you are, and how hard you try, nothing good seems to find you. Bad things happen to good people, and sometimes the worst people get all the breaks. Is that fair?

Why aren't the good people being rewarded? Where is the justice?

Life's quicksand has taken a hold of you, and you feel as if giving up, would be easier than fighting your way out.

Giving up, is way harder than trying.

I'm here to tell you cj. Never stop fighting. The day you do quit, is the day regrets bash down your door, and move into your mind, and these guys stay forever.

I've quit on lots of things, and believe me my old friend, I regret a great many of them. I've missed many trains, and have had opportunities slap me in the face, only to be shoved into a corner drawer and forgotten.

"God places the heaviest burdens upon those who can shoulder it's weight."

Does this only mean horrible disasters, or sensitive family affairs? Horrendous accidents or social injustice? In my opinion, no. This can be any number of things. Everything from internal conflict, to questioning life, to being alone.

Life is not easy, and for most, that's a fact.

I'd be more patient if I had the time.

I promise you, that someday all your hard work will pay off.

You are one of the most amazing guys I have had the honor to know. You are lighthearted and know how to find humor in almost anything. You are an amazingly gifted writer, and have a wonderfully unique perspective on life. You know what is right and are always striving to set an example, and this includes when nobody is watching. You are aware of your imperfections and are currently fortifying them. You are a wonderful example to me, and always have been. Your compassion and ambition for others is mind boggling, and being sensitive, sure it might suck if you're a dude, but babes ADORE IT. The woman you find will be a lucky one, and she will see all that I've said and more, on this, i have no doubts.

So what if you don't know what you want to be when you grow up. Some people still don't, heck i know i don't and you're young! You at least, have a few years of school under your belt, and as for me, all i got under my belt, are 4 years of waiting tables. Awesome.

All are impressed by the amount of schooling you have applied yourself to. Anyone else would be overwhelmed. There is a lot of knowledge and wisdom in that noggin of yours.

Everyone that knows you, loves you.
So don't give up. Persevere. Breathe. Relax. Fight.

I love you pal, and will always be around, because let's face it, ya can't get rid of me.

And stop looking for her.

She will find you.

Ding. Ding. Ding.


You ready to rumble?


xoxo-Christopher Michael

question mark.

Death

is

inevitable.

What a bleak beginning eh? Give me a moment of your time, and let's see if we can change that outlook huh?

It was raining. Pouring actually. Everyone was dressed in black, with only hovering umbrellas to provide color. The sky was thick with clouds, and the ground was saturated with wetness.

The headstones wore a cold look of misery, as the rain stained their engraved faces.

My misty breath tickled my eyelashes, as if trying to escape the confines of my body and join the clouds above.

The scene resembled a movie. A picturesque sadness.

A man loved by many, had passed.

The sniffles and whimpers of the group, only magnified my uneasiness. I had been to funerals before, and was in no way fond of them.
One was enough for me, and this was my second in two months.

I placed myself at a distance from my family, foregoing the shelter of the awning, as the falling rain teased my senses.

It seemed the very color of life, was washing away.

Few words were spoken, but powerful were their impressions. Some evoked more than tears, lonely sobs broke the silence in the grayness.

A lump began to form in my tight throat. I fought back, with happy thoughts of my own, and the fact that the unbearable ordeal was nearly over.

It was then time, to bid final goodbyes, as the program began to close. Many left. Gathering themselves and rushing to a warm car, eager to leave this dreary place.

Some, stayed. Not quite ready to say goodbye to their old friend. Their uncle...their father.

Until all that remained, were empty chairs, myself, and a lonely casket.

"What am i doing here," i asked myself. The harder I tried to convince myself to leave, the stronger i felt the impression to stay.

So, I began to walk. I couldn't leave this place while these thoughts danced around in my head.

I had only known my uncle for a short while. Understanding little about him, and somewhat ignorant of my presence being requested on this day.

Nevertheless, this man taught me one of my greatest lessons. Not in the flesh, but in his unfortunate passing.

If we all could have the chance to see what would happen after we leave this earth, would we take it? Could we bare to see the ones we love, so heartbroken and grief stricken?

If we could leave life at this very moment in time, would we take that chance? We would leave our friendships. Our families. Our passions.

Our pains.

We would also leave the loose ends. The mistakes. The unfinished business. The lies.

Our grudges.

Who would come to see me? Who would come to say goodbye one last time?

Who wouldn't bother?

Who would bring me flowers, and cut out my obituary in the paper?

As selfish as this may sound, I want to know that I mattered. That I was important to people. I want to know what would be said about me to others. Was I a good person? Did i always do my best? Did I leave a worthy impression?

Most can remember a name, but more, remember kindness.

This is now a thought that is ever present on my mind. It gently guides me, and helps me decide sometimes the silliest little things.

What will they remember?

On the other hand, what bad things would be said. What unforgotten memories will be stirred up? What hate carried in hearts would come forth from the night and show the REAL side of me. The greed, the lies, the mistakes. All my flaws in a grand parade of mockery.

Exposed.

Who would not attend. What if that someone you thought cared unconditoinally, didn't come say goodbye.

Nobody can outrun their past. It is a constant companion, and our greatest teacher. I am in no way, shape or form, perfect. I have lied, cheated, stolen, broken, and betrayed. Some look at me with total loathing and disgust.

Some live a life of sheer greed, and selfishness. Caring only about themselves and are in noway concerned with the feelings of others.

Take Ebeneezer Scrooge, he was so wicked, the only way to bring him to his senses, was to show him his own death, and the petrifying lack of remorse or sympathy from anyone.

"He got what he deserved," are they right?

Can good deeds erase wrong doings? Is it possible to make up for a less than decent past?

Some folks, have a nasty habit of never forgetting. Many, take grudges to the grave.

Does everyone deserve a second chance? Absolutely. Rarely, do we get things right the first time. So we practice, and hopefully we learn to practice doing what is right.

I believe in eternal consequence. We can't just stand by, be vicious people and then waltz through them pearly gates. We have to earn that right. By being good, honest, admirable people. We may not see the fruits of our goodness in this life, but i am convinced, that we will most certainly someday.

You never know who might be watching you, or what lessons you may be teaching. I find comfort in the fact that even if nobody sees me, i know in my heart that what i am doing, is right.

Will they mourn for you? Will they shed tears of sadness and pain?

Or will some, not even mind your absence?

What will they say about you?