eloquent.

you will be a sand castle builder.

childish and carefree.

artistic.

motivated.

you will let your hair down.

relaxed and unproductive.

mellow.

passe.

your words will lie down like lovers.

i will be your patient imagination.

twisting and turning.

weaving and bobbing in and out of your thoughts.

i will be your midnight snack.

sinful and satisfying.

discreetly wild.

contagiously addicting.

you are eloquent.

 passionate.

driven yet subdued.

obsessed with the prospect of love.

you are fashion.

causally formal.

jeans and jewels.

a visage of self confidence.

i am an old guitar.

faded and worn.

out of tune but beautifully strung.

living to sing my songs.

i am daydreams.

talking but never chasing.

wishing.

hoping.

we are.

laughter.

chemical.

fluid.

we breathe.

mayhem.

innocence.

curiosity.

we feel.

coffee stained memories.

black and white photos.

steamy mirrors.

you are.

i am.

we become.

you paint fingernails.

i paint window trim.

you walk the dogs.

i walk to work.

you read your novels.

i read your mind.

wash.

dry.

rinse.

repeat.

you drive the car.

i drive you crazy.

i spill the drinks.

you spill the beans.

we plant the flowers.

we watch them grow.

drip goes the faucet i promise to fix.

drop goes your favorite mug.

you are eloquent.

grace.

beauty in slow motion.

you possess.

light in shadows.

influence in chivalry.

a righteous infatuation.

you dictate.

my mood.

my mind.

my means.

i speak in riddles.

i walk with tomorrows.

i sleep on emotion.

we race on adventures.

we feast on karma.

we fly on melodies.

runaway.

have you ever wanted to escape?

just pack your bags.

choose a flight.

and disappear.

no plan.

no money.

nobody.

new faces.

new voices.

new places.

it'd be nice to go somewhere where you can introduce yourself without any prejudice in your pockets.

they don't know your history, and you don't know their's.

it's you and a clean slate.

no more bad dreams.

no more drama.

no more worry.

being out of your element places you in a higher sense of things.

you are on your best behavior.

bringing only good to the table.

or sometimes.

is it better to be alone.

a dark hotel room.

air conditioner blasting cold warmth.

tiny soap.

tiny shampoo.

tiny towels.

do not disturb signs.

someone, come rescue me. 

confessions part II.

I ALWAYS have wanted a tattoo.
a sleeve, to be exact. Nothing trashy or showy.
Just the raw drawings of my life and what matters to me most.

i stole a bottle of cologne from Hollister.

as guilty as i feel, it was terribly clever.

i am a sensitive man, but an insensitive boy.
to many, i am sorry.


i enjoy fly fishing.
it's an incredible escape, and a chance for an often needed one on one with myself.
my deepest thoughts, happen waist deep in water.

i am not afraid to die.

i am afraid of the pains of death.

people think i know what i'm doing with my life.
truth is, i'm taking it as it comes at me.
i have NO idea.


i feel like a lot of people take me for granted.
and i let them.

i've tasted the forbidden fruit, and it was delicious.

i felt bad because i didn't feel bad.

i go to the gym for myself.
i don't go for anyone else but me.


i can love.
but i still don't know exactly what it means.

i don't have a bed. my room is too small.

i sleep on some old camping pads.

i want to travel the world.
i want to live out of a suitcase.


M.L.C. is my inspiration. she has more unconquerable light inside than anyone i know.


i sometimes catch myself daydreaming of marriage.
painting the den.
cooking Sunday dinner.
staying up all night.


others peoples problems become my own.
i act like a giant sponge to emotions.


i can open people's minds like a tin of beans.
opening mine? not so easy.


i really suck at taking compliments.

REALLY.

REALLY.

BAD.

i play the guitar.
not well really, but i do play.
i've even written a handful of songs.


i wear reading glasses. astigmatisms can suck it.


i used to wear a t shirt swimming.
i was too embarrassed to reveal how skinny, and pasty i was.


i want to open a restaurant one day. my very own.


i doodle in church.
most speakers are boring.

i've always wanted to be a teacher.

i'd be the cool teacher that everyone wanted and loved.

i have a great singing voice.

i was Rooster, a lead part in Annie.

i get really jealous when my friends don't invite me to hang.
even if they are drinking or doing things i don't, just call.
it's the thought that counts.


i'm not below shopping at wal mart.
i actually think it's a wonderful place.
i have met some REAL interesting folks there.
it's saved my life several times.

being a good boy is extremely hard.

being bad is so much easier.

sometimes i forget to say please and thank you.
and i hate hate hate people who don't.
damn.

I want discs in my ears.

drama gives me ulcers.
ouch.
dealing with some right now.
shoot me.


i drive girls to marriage.
girls who break up with me because that, is the very thing they fear.
...babes.

until next time.
loveyouandstuff


-christopher michael

confessions.

i like interior design.
i find it terribly interesting and spontaneous.
porcelain bathtubs.
brick walls.
copper pipes.

music is my everything.
nothing, on earth can change my mood so quickly.
and there is nothing more attractive than a female who knows good music.
play it again SAM.

I'm extremely self conscious.

my looks are a huge concern for me. shocked? i grew up around friends, pockets full of cleverly folded notes, and covered in clingy girls. for years i thought there was something wrong with me(there are many things, i assure you.) so if you look into my eyes and i look away, it's not because i don't trust you.

i like to be alone.
I'm a thinker. some would accuse me of being an OVERthinker, and they would be right. i need a lot of me time. i believe myself to be extremely complex, so sometimes i need to figure myself out before i venture out into this crazy world.

I'm extremely shy.

i may not seem it, but i am. i put on this front of being comfortable and very outgoing when i meet new people, but in truth, I'm screaming on the inside, frantically searching for the exit sign. for you to truly peel off my skin and look inside, you must be patient and unprejudiced.

i hate mouth noises.
people who chew with their mouths open should, perish in flames. it makes my bones want to come out. people who smack their lips or can't breath through their noses...gross. make out noises are OK(as long as it's me and a babe.)

i sit down to pee sometimes. don't judge.
guys get tired to.

I'm an extremely good judge of character, well...initially.
it's when i get involved with said persons that my judgement becomes clouded. ironic how that works eh?

i cannot say no.

it's almost impossible. i am pretty good at dodging the requests. but the word "no" will never escape my lips.  it's even worse when just saying no, would save me weeks of trouble or heartache, and still, no refusal.

Especially to females.

Damn you testosterone.

I'm a sucker for blonde's.
I've dated red heads, brunettes, and black haired beauties, but it's still you blonde's who turn my head.

I'm a movie watcher.

i love catching all the little subtleties. the facial expressions, the body language. the details. when i find someone who appreciates it like i do, there's gonna be fireworks.

i worship food.
nuff said.

i had a short modeling career.
it ended the day it began.

i can't stand to see someone in pain.
i have to change the channel, look away, plug my ears, leave the room, whatever it takes. it makes me physically ill.

I'm an insomniac.

i lay awake in bed and stare at the ceiling. i wonder what tomorrow will bring. if things will be OK. so text me or something, save me from myself.

airplanes, give me chills.
ever since i was little, no matter what i would be doing, i would hear an airplane, stop and look up. when i go to airshows, the beauty and sleekness of a fighter plane puts tears in my eyes.
man WAS meant to fly.

i am still in love.

I've run away.

twice.

once when i was 14 or 15, i took a fishing pole and a loaf of bread and went up a canyon for a day or two. and again when i was 23, i needed to escape from the world, so i checked into a hotel for the night. No i didn't meet a mistress there.

I'm jealous.

of peoples writing.

their strength.

their looks.

Spiders scare the livin' outta me.

i don't drink.
even though i have been sorely tempted. on MULTIPLE occasions.

i still have lots of secrets.

i really wish people would give me feedback on what i write. not for self absorption reasons, merely for peace of mind, and improvements.

i am far, too trusting.

more confessions to come I'm sure.

tata

-christopher(still needs a night light) michael

My new friend.

Meet Quinn.

It was a regular Sunday.

White shirt.
Brown slacks.
Grandpa's old penny loafers.

Feeling somewhat unfulfilled and distant, i meandered back to the car. In no particular hurry, and in no particular angle.

The pitter patter of rain soothed my mood further, and i noted my visible breath, and upset it was happening in the middle of june.

A scurry out of the corner of my eye, caught me. Heading away from me and low to the ground.
Curious, i followed.

Meet Quinn.

A two week old quail(unconfirmed specimen, but cute.)
Quinn had decided to run away.

I stumbled upon this guy in the middle of a busy intersection. Sensing his distress, i rushed into the road, stopping a few cars in the process, and gently scooped his frail, frightened body into my hands. He shivered, and peeped furiously.

Phone in one hand, and Quinn in the other, i began to investigate.

Google.
Baby bird help.
Raising a baby bird.
Found baby bird.
All useless and all with a bleak outlook.
My new companion had stopped shivering, and began to lightly peck at my curled fingers.

I searched for a nearby nest. A nearby mother. Anything.

It was time for my ride to leave. I ravaged the trunk and found and empty peanut can, and a pair of CLEAN socks. I managed to make a makeshift sanctuary for my new found friend. Sadly, my path lead to a family gathering, putting my rescue plan on a new route.

Quinn was curious.

He kept getting his tiny head above the rim of the can, eager to see the world around him. I balanced the can on the window sill, and watched him take in all the sights as they went rushing by.

All the while, emitting small chirps.

We arrived, and i explained to my host the situation. He produced a medicine dropper and a smile. That was all i needed. i headed upstairs to the bathroom, hoping not to reveal my new secret to any of my much younger cousins. A few drops of water, and a nap are just what this bird needed.

Meet Quinn.

Hidden high in the shower window, bathing in sunlight lay my new friend. Everything i read about raising a young bird, resulted in death. I however, was optimistic. Quinn was the exception. Every hour he needed food, i could do that. He needed a clean environment, piece of cake. All my self convincing pointed to success. Small talk and frequent trips upstairs added up and finally, home was our destination.

Phone in hand.
More questions, more concern.
Fewer chirps.

We arrived home, and Quinn lay asleep in his can. I began to alter a shoe box for the little guy. He needed more room to roam and explore. Next was dinner. I went outside and dug up a worm. Only a fat and juicy one would do.  I diced it into small pieces and used tweezers to take hold of the slimy dinner. I tapped the side of his beak and offered a snack. He refused and shut his eyes. Stumped, i tried again.
Same response.
Fly? No.
Bread? No.
Sunflower seeds? No.
Now what?

I went into our study for more research. I scanned and googled and scanned and googled. Finally, a break through. I walked into the kitchen to check on the little guy and there he was.

Meet Quinn.

Lifeless, and still.

How?

I sunk into the chair, dumbfounded and heartbroken.

I failed him.

All this little guy had was me.

He relied on ME, for food, water, and shelter.

And me, an invinsible human, couldn't even supply that.

Confused as to why i was so upset, i rose to my feet and went outside.

I paced around the yard, blaming myself, and looking for solace.

The conclusion? As cheesy as it may sound, I decided to give my new friend the respect he deserved.

I found a good spot of ground, a popsicle stick, and laid his little body to rest.

Alive and well one minute, gone the next.

In many cases, people leave us before we have a chance to thank them.

Or the chance to say goodbye.

Everything they've taught us, and everything they meant to us.

Gone, in the blink of an eye.

Did they know how much you respected them?

Did they know how much they taught you?

Do they know how much you love them?

It's hard to tell someone how much you'll miss them, when they are already gone.

Life is too short to hold onto the mistakes of yesterdays. What good is a grudge, and who does it benefit?

I am now in the process of writing letters.

Letters to everyone that has mattered to me.

Letters to those who have taught me and changed me.

Why a letter? Words spoken are indeed powerful, but often forgotten. Written words, are eternal. Tangible evidence of love and gratitude.

Hateful words may be your last words to someone you care about more than anything.

We hurt the deepest, those we love the most.

Angry words may be the last thing someone remembers you by.

Let go of your grudges.

Tell people you love you love them, and take every chance to do so.

Because you never know which time will be the last time.

Meet Quinn.

My eye opening friend.

Thank you.

-christopher michael

life's dumbells.

I'm not really a fan of blogging. shocked? i find it somewhat depressing, that the only way to purge my system of all it's personal strife, is to scream into the void of cyberspace.
i would much rather talk with you face to face.

Life.

Is.

Hard.

but beautiful.

exciting.

intriguing.

one day, after an extremely difficult day at work, and a few costly events earlier in the week, i had to get away. i didn't want another human in my sight, for fear my scowl would vaporize the poor soul where it stood.

i grabbed a water bottle.

my fanny pack.

a headband.

and my ear buds.

so long world.

and so i started. i just started walking east. to the mountain. leaving civility behind along with my troubles.

and so, i walked.

the weeks events unfolding in my brain. the tension. the bitterness.

the angry music pulsated in my ears. every drum beat, every guitar strum, wound me tighter.

to my amazement, removing my headphones revealed a world of noise no i pod could duplicate. the birds seemed to be in a frenzy of song. the notes fell around me like rain.

the crunch of the earth beneath my shoes took me away from the soft carpets of home. the wind whistled through the countless trees, and dulled out my minds static.

and so, i listened.

the sun beat upon my bare skin, and i welcomed it. no breeze to cool me, and no shade to conceal me. the clouds fled the scene today. the sweat stung my eyes, and stained my hair.

the cool water to my lips, offered a moments escape.

and so, i felt.

the sun grew weary in the sky, and began to fall toward the horizon. so my course turned home.

the path wasn't physically straining.

the road was smooth.

there was no destination. only a journey.

it started as an cool down method, and slowly morphed into a self evaluation.

i needed to have a few words with me.

i learned a few ugly truths.

i am quick to anger.

quicker to judge.

and on the lookout for the negative.

my toolbox is out. and I'm going to try and fix me some more.

nobody wants a broken somebody.

so here i sit. tightening my screws and putting myself back together.

hopefully some will notice the new improvements.

is the someone you?

sharing time.

my writing.
oh my writing.

often, i sit and re read and mull over the many words my minds sewn. the todays and tomorrows, the history of it all. spreading my opinion on matters that weigh little and assuming i have it all figured out.

i have a firm grip on this thing called life, and i've been around the block before.
this isn't my first rodeo cowboy.

some things, i suppose, i am more qualified to assess and insert my layman's opinion, than others.
failed attempts at love. qualified,
spilt families. qualified.
living in total poverty. ignorant.

i talk a good talk.
move forward.
forget your yesterdays.
stand tall.

but obviously, talk is cheap.

i have been undeniably blessed in my life. i have things some people have only dreamt of having. (besides my chisled abs and amazing bone structure of course.)
my ignorance of the needs of others, has blinded my compassion, and gratitude. i have no idea how some people endure. the difficulties they overcome EVERYDAY, are unimaginable.

i wake up every morning, to food. it is all over.
in the fridge.
in the cupboard.
in the storage room.

i have never had to go hungry.

i am able to drive a car to work.
no walking.
no bus.
no subway.

life is easy.

i have full function of my body.
no disease.
no illness.
no infirmities.

the doctor, is just a phone call away.

i am the fat kid eating a snickers in front of a homeless starving boy, and not offering a piece.
a bite.
a morsel.

I am the complainer of a runny nose, passing the woman, with breast cancer.
I am the one whining about sleeping on the floor in a house, while it snows outside.

Have you been to a grocery store lately?
did they have everything you needed?
did you have to walk there?
did you have money to use?

We live in a country of such surplus.
We have too much of everything.

Other countries are starving, and America is eating itself to death.

I am spoiled rotten, and yet my means are extremely modest compared to some, and mountains to others.

Daddy bought you a car?
i worked for mine.

Parents paying for school?
i am earning mine.

Opportunities find some, and seem to avoid others.

Is the statement, what you put in, you get out always true? In my experience...seldom so.
I'm no judge or prosecutor, but i see selfishness all around me.

I have so much, and yet i'm still wanting.
I have it so easy, and still i complain.

sometimes i wish a bag full of money would fall from the heavens, and land at my feet.
my narrow mind had come to the conclusion that this miracle, will solve all my problems.

problems?
what problems?

i may not have health insurance, but im healthy.
i may not have an Audi, but my car runs.
i may not shop at nordstroms, but i have clothes.

im starting to see in myself a heightened sense of things.
my impulsiveness has shrunk, and as such my self control has risen.

want, and need, are two VERY different things, and I'm finally starting to see that. I'm slimming down all of the surplus in my own life, and you know what?

it feels phenomenal. try it.

ladies, start with your shoes.
GO.

dear me.

Dear me,

i think it's about time you forgave yourself. For everything.

Every mistake.
Every idle word.
Every broken promise. to myself. and to others.

stop holding onto shadows of yesterday.
stand tall, and move forward.

forgive me.

forgive me for leading you on.
forgive me for not being more warm to you.
forgive me, for being cruel, and unrelenting.
what you have done is in the past. too long to remember, but to close to forget.

i do not want to be enemies. friendship is all i ask.
can we forget our hate and remember our talks. late nights. bright stars.

if you want to erase me from your history, please feel free to do so.
but i cannot go on pocketing my hate.

you made me feel. you tickled my imagination.

dear me.
sometimes you just need to let go. a few steps into the dark will always reveal a light.

ready.
fire.
aim.

in the outlooks of my future, the faces are all dark, and the voices stay the same.
i do not know what is written on the palm of my fate. but I'm eager for adventure.

the pills go down hard sometimes, and the effects wear off quickly.
why is it that you cannot see past the horizon of yourself.
you wear a ball and chain, and act surprised when you cannot progress.


the good life is all in the perspective.
dear me, that day was not your fault.
goodness abounds in you.
embrace yourself, and holster the power inside.

my reckless bones.
dear me.
Get rid of friends who do not bring you up. disregard them, and replace them.
forgive those who broke you.
sleep.
surrender to the goodness inside of you.
remember those who've touched you, and forget those who use you.
walk straight and tall.
life is beautiful, and everything will work out.
everything.
everything.
everything.

the 3 wise men.

my line of work requires people.

tall ones.
short ones.
skinny ones too.
loud ones.
quiet ones.
maybe even you.

meet me, the restaurant manager.

i meet new faces everyday. i see some old ones too.


this past week i needed to be taught a thing or two. Ive been living a selfish concealed life apart from any real substance.

all caught up in the vanity.

worried so much about my clothes and body, about my face and social life, that i overlook a world full of beauty and opportunities. i met three individuals who have no idea how heavily they weigh on my mind, nor what power they hold in themselves.



#1


i was finishing up my shift. ready to go home, and wash the oily air off of my tired skin. i was on edge this day. worrying about nothing and futilely trying to figure it all out. the hostess sat me a table of three. thinking of my bed, i was reluctant to go to the table, i approached with a forced smile on my face. i greeted them, offered them drinks, the usual mumbo jumbo. i was answered with silence. the gentleman was deaf. i tried my best to interpret his ambidextrous voice, and eventually was easily able to read his lips, and figure out what he wanted. he placed his order and began to sign to his mother and father who knew it as well as he did. my focus kept returning to their table, fascinated, that a serious of bends and twists of a hand, could be so perfectly understood. they ate their food, thanked me, and left. unaware of their impact.


this man lived in a world of silence. surrounded by a noisy world, and immune to it all.

my life is music.

it is the vehicle to my soul. nothing else on earth can move me the way it does, or alter my moods quicker. to imagine it out of my life completely, is incomprehensible. i cannot imagine a world without it, but in this man's world it's been gone for quite some time.


#2

It was another busy day. people were starving, and awful thirsty, a deadly combination for any server. My patience was waining. i had just finished busing one of my tables when the cashier sat a table with three place settings. i neared the table only to find it empty of bodies. i looked around to see if they were still around, and if they planned on eating. deep down i was hoping they had left, giving me a much needed break. i found two of the three at the doors, holding them open for the third in their party. he was slow to enter the building, and i later saw why. he had loss the majority of control of in his legs. he was on crutches barely able to lift one foot in front of the other. every step seemed a mental, as well as physical strain. when he finally reached his table, he was out of breath, but beaming. happy to be with his two dear friends. i guessed his age around 26 or so. he greeted me with a smile, and in so doing caught me completely off guard. there was something is his eyes that was irrevocably placed. a light so bright i had to look away. this man knew something i didn't. his manners have yet been surpassed and the spirit he carried with him, touched everyone surrounding him. Upon finishing he thanked me again and made me promise him i would have a good rest of the day. With a smile he departed on his long journey to the car, his friends ahead eager to help.


i love to play sports. basketball, golf. football and bowling.

to run.

to longboard, swim in the ocean, and ride my bike.

running through the grass and playing with my little brother. without legs, or a full control of my body, many passions, would disappear. could i cope with the loss of them?


#3


perhaps the most powerful lesson of the three. i was sweeping up a pile of rouge croutons, who decided last second to ditch of a salad of mine, and make a break for freedom, when a strange tapping befuddled me. i glanced at the front doors, and saw a man with a long skinny stick, gently swinging in front of him, with his wife guiding him from the back. he wore no dark glasses, and stepped with unusual confidence. his hair was neatly combed and slightly faded, with only lingering bits of life's color clinging to it's edges.

Blind.

The two sat, and without skipping a beat, his wife began to read the menu. I cautiously neared the table, and greeted the two. the man smiled, looked in the direction of my voice and politely asked for a glass of water. His wife followed suit, and i left them alone, with the wife's voice listing the various burgers and salads to her husband, quietly fading behind me. i returned with two glasses of water and gently set them down on the table. the man's hands, weathered and worn, slowly reached out to find his glass. his fingers slid along the table surface slowly outstretched so as to not spill, or make any messes. he placed his hand around the glass took a long drink and set the glass back down upon the table. they both decided on ribs, and i departed, but not alone. the wife had asked for the restroom, and i guided her to them. a few minutes later the side salads appeared in the pick up window, and i began my trip to the table somewhat surprised that the man still sat alone. i slowly set them down and told the gentleman the remainder of his meal would be out shortly. he thanked me with a smile, folded his napkin and placed it on his lap, and there he sat.

waiting.

his wife had been in the restroom for quite sometime, and i was becoming anxious. i glanced at the table and there the gentleman sat.

tall and still, unaware of my gaze.

he wore a look of concern. he was looking to the last point of which he could hear his wife's high heels familiar click clak on concrete. the clock continued to pass the time, and my worry and concern grew and grew. the mans expression had gone from concern to that of loneliness.

although he could not see, he continued to look into the direction of his wife's fading steps. growing ever more anxious to hear her approach. i desperately searched the man's face for some sign of comfort, wondering whether or not i should go and reassure him, or check on his wife. My mind began cooking up scenarios. what if she had a heart attack? how will this man take care of himself? who will be there for him?
Seconds before my anxiety consumed me, the click clak returned, and his wife returned to his side. his eyes became gentle and confident again, and my hearts pounding slowly faded, and i allowed them to enjoy their meal without my constant stare. as they were about to leave, the man opened the car door for his wife, gave her a kiss on the cheek, she entered, and he closed her door. He proceeded to feel his way around the car all the way around to the passenger door. he entered, buckled his seat belt, and the two left.

these three men have impacted my life in a very real, and undoubtedly profound sense. I live a life of such luxury. i have everything i need, and want for nothing. the burdens i bare are a weight but of straw, compared to the burdens of those three.

"Some people are walking around with full use of their bodies, and they are more paralyzed than I am."
-Christopher Reeve

I'm an ungrateful spoiled brat sometimes. i have so many things i take for granted day to day, that i do not, and could not, even comprehend the absence of them.

Imagine, if one day, you woke up to silence.
Never hearing your children's laughter, the roar of the ocean, or your favorite song.
Imagine, if one day you woke up, and were unable to move.
Never able to walk down the aisle, run through the green grass, or hold your someone close.
Imagine, if one day you awoke to unquenchable darkness.
Never seeing the brilliant sun, your daughter's wedding dress, the magic of the stars.

I have eyes to see, legs to run, and ears to hear.

What more could i ask for? How is it, that we who have everything, want more. Some is never enough. More money, more freedom, nicer clothes, bigger houses.

These men had three extraordinary different outlooks on life, and i envy them for it.

The passion of my bones is but a drop in the raging sea of greed.

I learned that day, that i may not have everything, but i have so much more than many. My circumstances are skyscrapers above the ground of someone else's troubles. A new degree of gratitude has entered my heart.

I also learned that these three, have some of the strongest and enduring spirits today. That they are able to go day to day with their challenges.

Refusing to quit.

we throw in the towel after two or three petty problems appear. resigning our fate to doom instead of trying to overcome.

Being the nerd that i am, i placed a blindfold on my face, and attempted to take a shower. I managed to knock all of the shampoo off of the self, and hit my head on an open cupboard. i had to feel the bristles of my toothbrush just to line up the toothpaste, which would have been great it it were toothpaste, and not a face cream.

I've been blind to all the many blessings i have.
Deaf, to the cry of help and comfort for others.
And paralyzed in my own problems, not attempting to look to others who are worse off than I.

All I'm saying is, i think twice about complaining now. the little things don't bother me, because things could always be worse.

Christopher Michael

reinforcements.

Blogging.
Why?
To what end?

I'm at a point in my life, where the only people who will listen to me are behind a screen. Silent to whispers, and only heard through keyboards and abbreviations.

OMG.
LOL.
ROFL.

Is anybody listening?

Run.
Run.
Run.

chreastoffer

play the game.

guys. girls.

THE CHASE.
Some win.
Some lose.

why do we play these games? i swear in the end EVERYONE loses anyways.

A babe gave me her number. How long do i wait to call? 24 hours, 2 days?
Should i text her, or call her?
What will i say? What if i get her voicemail? Do i know her well enough to leave a voicemail?

That's a big step isn't it?! is he interested? She is SO not interested.

Maybe I'll play hard to get.
What if she is playing hard to get? should i play then to?
But how hard is TOO hard? should i break plans? make up an excuse?

if you both play hard to get, there will be no gettin' ANY, from any of the said go getters.

CAT
AND
MOUSE.

Hey pretty girl, how was your day? NOTHING. NADDA. ZIP.

She's probably doing her hair. Painting her nails...girl stuff.
She's gotta be at work.

Hey boy, you busy tonight? BOOM. ANSWER. Fellas waste no time.

I try and take comfort in the fact that i KNOW I'm never the only one. She can juggle like a circus clown. 4 dudes, on a bowling ball, while balancing a fish bowl on her head, on a flaming tight rope.

GIVE ME A SIGN.

Need a shoulder to cry on? Find someone else. Had your shot babe.
TAG.
Your it.
Ignoring a girl? best move you can ever make.
drives em CRAZZZZZY. Be a jerk. STOP CARING.
Bad advice?


Never, EVER, tell a babe you dig them. That's it. The chase is over.
On to the next one.

What happened to honesty? Being up front and real? I'm afraid the technology gap is causing boys to be bolder. Anyone can hide behind a computer screen, or a cellular.

Signals. Body language. Eye contact. Only evident face to face.

jumping to conclusions. fretting over a harmless text message, trying to figure out EXACTLY what they meant by, "we should do something soon. i miss you."

I for one, suck at the chase. I'm shy, gullible, and easily twisted and manipulated.

PLAY THE GAME SON.
Dating is no longer fun. It's like playing risk.

One wrong move and your chance at babe domination is over. DANG! if only i had rolled a 6!

whose to blame? you ladies? ...or us hormone hounds, men?

it's gotta be both of us. we are sending so many mixed signals neither of us know how to react anymore.

What happened to, hey i like you, let's go steady.
Sometimes i wish it was that easy. We are all too picky nowadays.
I blame you women. You get bored too easily. One mind in your control is never enough.

Where there's smoke, there's fire. Shady babes are worse than wal-mart B.O.

if you don't like em. tell em.

leading someone on. Your walking them straight to a firing squad.

Any last words?

READY.
AIM.
FIRE.

Honesty is the best policy i hear.
Tried it on a dame....
got ran over.

You're such a great FRIEND....ahhh....someone pull the knife out. Worst 5 words in history.

You get that one more than once, might as well consider sticking your head in an oven.

WELCOME TO THE FRIEND ZONE.

NO! NO! not the....FRIEND ZONE!

I feel like I'm playing a game of pogs, with every girl i date. Her slammer is a spare tire, and I'm stuck with a silver dollar.

they win EVERY time.

Things could always be worse.

gosh, things are so out of hand i can't even be myself! what's worse is i don't even remember who I AM!

Should have rolled a 6.

Long distance chasers have a real advantage in the game. they persist until they conquer the foe. I'm somewhat of an asthma prone sprinter. I tire easily.

If girls could say no, just a simple no thank you, i think many dating dilemmas would vanish.

but you have that leash on us dudes tight. you take us through the motions, put up with our barking and accidents on the carpet, and after awhile you get bored, tie us to a tree, and walk away.

Maybe I'm picking a little bit on you girls, and giving us poor poor men too much credit. After all WE are the heartless ones. Right?

maybe.

i hate dating.

tag, your it.

depth perception.

Welcome to our ool. (notice, there is no P in it.)

You know the rules.

no running.

no diving.

no splashing.

Always bring your own towel, your own suit, and be sure to wear plenty of sunscreen.

We all swim in this pool, and we all have our favorite spots. Some like the deep end, others like it where their feet can barely touch. Some like it up to their knees, and others only their ankles. Why?

Because we are all, to some degree, SHALLOW.

That's right kids, shallow. Don't believe me? Swim this way.

I like girls. An incredibly true, and fairly blunt statement, but do I like just any ol' gal?

No.

Why?

Because I'm shallow.

{Picture this}

463 pound Annabell. Annabell is 46 years old, and out lookin' for love. She has flaming red hair, brilliantly blue eyeshadow, red rose lipstick...and speakin' a shadows...a 5'o'clock one as well. Her teeth are a buttered popcorn yellow, and as her sausage like fingers fix her hair, she puckers her lips in her handheld mirror. I notice her purple, llama covered sundress, and as I grow closer the classic, socks under the sandals combo. Her 7 dollar perfume is enough to reveal my lunch, as it mingles with the deodorant abandoned armpits. (Given her girth, deodorant is not only impossible, it's impractical.)

Now, if you have painted a likeness anywhere near mine, Annie, isn't my type of girl.

And how do I know this? I have never talked, nor seen her in my life, and know nothing, absolutely nothing about her. For all i know, she possesses every single attribute as would my dream girl.

She loves sushi. She adores the sunshine. She is fascinated by World War II. Loves to laugh, and wants to visit Europe one day. Perfect.

How would one unearth this inner beauty? How could you know that under that llama infested monstrosity, the girl of your dreams is waiting? Well I wouldn't. Because i would outwardly judge Annabell's situation, and come to many, biased conclusions.

1. Look at her! She can't even take care of herself.
2. That outfit is...all around wrongo bongo.
3. She is definitely not sure dry.

Wow Chris, you're a jerk. Oh am I? Would you approach her brother, Alexander, who has an uncanny, if not creepy family resemblance? Why wouldn't you? Because looks matter.

In my experience, the first thing we do to size up another potential playmate, is notice their outsides.

You don't feel an attraction, you move on.

Think about it.

You notice some dude looking fly at a party, great smile, great style, GREAT BUTT. So, you start putting out that vibe. You finally get his attention, lock eyes, and...boom, a connection is made. It is then your priority to go interact with this guy, because that's the next step. Your first thought is not, "OK, I need to talk to every single person in this room, because you never know how wonderful someone is on the inside, if all you do is judge their outside."

If this is how the rest of the world works and I've failed to catch the train, please, someone, correct me. Or, am I absolutely right? Is it possible to see someone, and know, not to mention see, so much more than meets the eye?

I for one, try to look somewhat presentable. I am concerned with the way I look, because I want my someone to be concerned about how THEY look.

I go to the gym, and put my body through ridiculously foolish pain and torture, because I want my someone to take care of their body too.

I brush my teeth, because EVERYONE SHOULD. No excuses here.

Does this make me shallow?

We want to look good with who we are with. This goes for boys and girls. Hey fellas, check out my girl...she is SMOKIN' hot.

Hey ladies, keep your hands off my man, cause he is ALL mine.

It's like a nice car. Anyone, can look good in a nice car.

We do unimaginably terrible things to ourselves for the approval of others. Whatever it takes for us to get that sexy factor.

Lipo. Breast augmentation. Tummy tuck. Face lift. Stomach staple. Hair transplant. Laser.

Raymond is 264 pounds. Has no sense of personal hygiene, and STILL plays with Pokemon cards. He adores cargo shorts, Jerry Springer, and death metal. He eats nothing but fast food, and hasn't done his laundry since 04'. He also just dumped his girlfriend, because he didn't think she wasn't pretty enough for him.

Is Raymond shallow?

We all have likes and dislikes. Things we can't stand, and things we adore.

Meeting someone new is like putting together a jig-saw puzzle. We choose a box that appeals to us, open it up, and find our some one's insides. Likes, dislikes, habits, flaws everything. The only way to really get down to the raw, exposed someone, is to put their puzzle together.

Often the box looks AMAZING on the outside, but houses only boring, and incompatible pieces. Not all the pieces fit. So you put the box away, choose a new one, and start over.

Other times, the pieces all fit and you live happily ever after.

Bottom line?

Like it or not. The initial attraction is more often outward than inward. Why? The outward sparks the attraction, that ignites the quest to learn more. Without the intial attraction, nothing is learned because no effort is involved. Nothing more is searched for. Your mind is made up. Make sense?

Christopher, what does this mean for average looking guys like us?

Well first and foremost, we have to fortify other areas of ourselves to make up for the other not so fortified ones. We know we struggle with looks, but do we with personality? NO. Conveniently enough that is our strong suit. Lucky for us, if you are somewhat near decent looking, a powerful personality can do wonders for skin and bones lacking a certain finesse.

An attraction level can triple at the discovery of another's hidden passions.

We all have our degrees of shallowness, but I believe that this is important. It makes us who we are and attracts those we want to be with. It also weeds out the yucky, smelly, and time wasters. So stay a little shallow, be a little picky, but do not overlook the average, because if you do, many, just like me, are outta luck.

My hands are getting all pruny, time to get out. Pass the sunscreen.

Christopher Michael

ELECTRIC

I AM NOT AFRAID OF A ONE NIGHT STAND.

There I said it, and I don't even feel bad about it.

It's been awhile since I've even felt the warmth of a body cuddled next to me, or a set of puckered lips tasting my own, and i HATE it. So, if you don't want to hear me talk about it, go read a blog about fishing or something.

I was born with two, count em, two weaknesses. One is food. Given my slender frame, most wouldn't think that I eat like a horse.

(I was so hungry, I ate a whole one once.)

I adore food. I love every aspect of it.

The color, the texture, the smell, the whole process of cooking it. Yum.

The second, is skin, and this ladies and gentlemen,

is where I get into trouble.

T

R

O

U

B

L

E

Some of you may be saying to yourselves,

"Christopher, i don't understand what you mean by skin,

could you please enlighten us, because we are terribly curious?"

The female human body, is one of the sexiest and most fascinating things on this earth.

I see hundreds of them everyday.

Some in cars.

Some on the streets.

Some at the store.

Some at the bank.

Some catch me staring.

Mind you they all aren't the same, no no. Some are curvy, like a winding road that I'd like to drive. Others are skinny and straight, like a tree I'd like to climb. Then there are the select few, who have curves where I like em, and long straight lines elsewhere.

Let me break it down for you...

Eyes...who cares?

Legs...yes.

Butt...yes.

Hair...preferably.

Chest...I'm not picky.

BOOBS, DO NOT MAKE OR BREAK A GIRL.

I can go with or without em, so stop stressing about them ladies...sheesh.

Lips...oh man. I'm picky about these. I need full, soft, succulent, pouting lips.

"Christopher, I'm still confused as to where this is going."

Be patient.

I was born with somewhat of a wild side. Shocked right? God blessed me with many wonderful traits. Having said that, he also leveled things out with a lot of, these could be trouble, traits. He gave me a very curious mind, and a greater understanding of the female thought process. Now you're really shocked aren't you?

A pair of hands who have minds of their own,

and a terrible vulnerability when lips approach my ear area.

Have I made some poor decisions? Yes. Am i ashamed?

Not as much as I should be.

I won't hide it from people,

but some things are special and should be kept private right?

Right.

Guys who brag are classless.

How do things go down? Something like this...

We have been hanging out for awhile. We are cuddling on the couch or something, and you whisper in my ear. BOOM. Such a turn on.

Next you keep looking at my lips...I don't have some dinner leftover in my teeth or something do I? You get closer, and I can't take it anymore.

You go 10, and I'm going 90.

ELECTRIC.

Goosebumps.

Short of breath.

Eyes closed tight.

Chemistry, can turn a mediocre night into a fireworks display.

The feeling you get when you touch lips with someone you care about for the first time, is so magical, that i won't even try to describe it for fear of ruining it. Some aren't so lucky when the first kiss sparks, and they would rather forget it. I however was one of the lucky ones.

Now that we are kissing, let's turn things up a notch. I might tug on your ear, play with your hair, bite your lower lip...it all depends on the signals you're flashing, after all I'm following your lead. I'll take over when I'm good and ready, but just know, you take my shirt off, you better be prepared to lose yours as well.

Do i move fast? NO.

Sometimes, I'm just trying to keep up.

That's as far as I'll go.

I don't know much, but i do know this, exploring the skin of someone, can be one of the most special, or one of the most disrespectful things you can ever do.

Respecting a woman,

will do more than thousands of dollars ever could.

I don't know how a dude, can be attracted to another dude. It could be because I haven't experienced that. Sure I have man crushes, Johnny Depp, Brandon Boyd, and John Mayer to name a few. Admiring them is as far as it goes...

OK maybe I want to hang out with them for a day, but that's it!

The silhouette of a female is breathtaking. Male anatomy is less than graceful to say the least, but the lines of the female body...wow.

Men were God's rough drafts, the woman however, his masterpiece.

Now I'm no sexual pervert, or horn dog. Writing this is defiantly a stretch for me i assure you. I'm merely admiring the structure and attractiveness of the ladies in this world.

Now, sometimes we find ourselves in positions, where attachment isn't wanted. You've been through it before and enjoy the single life. Just because you are single, doesn't mean your desires go away. It only means you have to be particularly careful

about how you go fulfilling them.

Sometimes, we get lucky and find someone in the same boat we are.

No strings attached. Awesome.

Now and then, friends go from good friends, to "go to friends." This of course can lead to awkward interaction, and loss of friendship.

No bueno.

Other times we choose wrong, and are stuck with a leech for a month or two, and these can be messy situations. Someone, like it or not, is gonna get hurt.

Point being, I wouldn't mind a one night stand. I'm not talking about hittin' a home run here, maybe just a little lip action and cuddle time. Is that wrong?

We all want that feeling of being wanted. Even if it's just for one night.

Right?

Ladies, why are you so CRUEL to me?

Mr. Cj.

This one's for you pal.

I can't speak good.

I struggle saying out loud what's exactly on my mind. The words just aren't there, and no matter how hard i try to find them, they escape me. The cunning nouns, no good scheming verbs, and those ever elusive adjectives.

When i find myself lost in the moment, i focus so hard on what's being said, that i forget to think of what to say. It's always hard to give someone advice that isn't total b.s. when in fact, you have no idea what it is they are going through.


I couldn't help but worry about you. Call me sensitive, call me a weirdo, but i was needless to say, very concerned. I felt as though there was something inside of you desperately trying to get out, and solve the puzzle that was keeping it all inside.

I would love to give you some expert advice. To help you try and solve all of your problems, and set you free, so to speak. To somehow, shed some much needed light on your cloudy dilemma. I'm not here to preach, nor am I hear to blame.

Are you ready for it?

To put it bluntly,

I got nothin'.


All I have are my life lessons as examples. Many things you are going through are yours and yours alone. I have never stepped foot in that arena, I've only watched from the bleachers.

Now these are merely observations, and are in no way, shape, or form, cures.

I see myself inside of you...uh..allow me to rephrase.

I see a lot of my myself in you...eh...wow.

Hmm.

You and I...

We are very similar. There, much better.

We seem to have this curse to see the deeper side of life rather than the obvious everyday marquees.

Anyone can see a rainbow, but not everyone will find the beauty in it. It is so hard to find a silver lining, when you have a bowl full of cereal, and are COMPLETELY out of milk.

It sometime seems, that no matter how good you are, and how hard you try, nothing good seems to find you. Bad things happen to good people, and sometimes the worst people get all the breaks. Is that fair?

Why aren't the good people being rewarded? Where is the justice?

Life's quicksand has taken a hold of you, and you feel as if giving up, would be easier than fighting your way out.

Giving up, is way harder than trying.

I'm here to tell you cj. Never stop fighting. The day you do quit, is the day regrets bash down your door, and move into your mind, and these guys stay forever.

I've quit on lots of things, and believe me my old friend, I regret a great many of them. I've missed many trains, and have had opportunities slap me in the face, only to be shoved into a corner drawer and forgotten.

"God places the heaviest burdens upon those who can shoulder it's weight."

Does this only mean horrible disasters, or sensitive family affairs? Horrendous accidents or social injustice? In my opinion, no. This can be any number of things. Everything from internal conflict, to questioning life, to being alone.

Life is not easy, and for most, that's a fact.

I'd be more patient if I had the time.

I promise you, that someday all your hard work will pay off.

You are one of the most amazing guys I have had the honor to know. You are lighthearted and know how to find humor in almost anything. You are an amazingly gifted writer, and have a wonderfully unique perspective on life. You know what is right and are always striving to set an example, and this includes when nobody is watching. You are aware of your imperfections and are currently fortifying them. You are a wonderful example to me, and always have been. Your compassion and ambition for others is mind boggling, and being sensitive, sure it might suck if you're a dude, but babes ADORE IT. The woman you find will be a lucky one, and she will see all that I've said and more, on this, i have no doubts.

So what if you don't know what you want to be when you grow up. Some people still don't, heck i know i don't and you're young! You at least, have a few years of school under your belt, and as for me, all i got under my belt, are 4 years of waiting tables. Awesome.

All are impressed by the amount of schooling you have applied yourself to. Anyone else would be overwhelmed. There is a lot of knowledge and wisdom in that noggin of yours.

Everyone that knows you, loves you.
So don't give up. Persevere. Breathe. Relax. Fight.

I love you pal, and will always be around, because let's face it, ya can't get rid of me.

And stop looking for her.

She will find you.

Ding. Ding. Ding.


You ready to rumble?


xoxo-Christopher Michael

question mark.

Death

is

inevitable.

What a bleak beginning eh? Give me a moment of your time, and let's see if we can change that outlook huh?

It was raining. Pouring actually. Everyone was dressed in black, with only hovering umbrellas to provide color. The sky was thick with clouds, and the ground was saturated with wetness.

The headstones wore a cold look of misery, as the rain stained their engraved faces.

My misty breath tickled my eyelashes, as if trying to escape the confines of my body and join the clouds above.

The scene resembled a movie. A picturesque sadness.

A man loved by many, had passed.

The sniffles and whimpers of the group, only magnified my uneasiness. I had been to funerals before, and was in no way fond of them.
One was enough for me, and this was my second in two months.

I placed myself at a distance from my family, foregoing the shelter of the awning, as the falling rain teased my senses.

It seemed the very color of life, was washing away.

Few words were spoken, but powerful were their impressions. Some evoked more than tears, lonely sobs broke the silence in the grayness.

A lump began to form in my tight throat. I fought back, with happy thoughts of my own, and the fact that the unbearable ordeal was nearly over.

It was then time, to bid final goodbyes, as the program began to close. Many left. Gathering themselves and rushing to a warm car, eager to leave this dreary place.

Some, stayed. Not quite ready to say goodbye to their old friend. Their uncle...their father.

Until all that remained, were empty chairs, myself, and a lonely casket.

"What am i doing here," i asked myself. The harder I tried to convince myself to leave, the stronger i felt the impression to stay.

So, I began to walk. I couldn't leave this place while these thoughts danced around in my head.

I had only known my uncle for a short while. Understanding little about him, and somewhat ignorant of my presence being requested on this day.

Nevertheless, this man taught me one of my greatest lessons. Not in the flesh, but in his unfortunate passing.

If we all could have the chance to see what would happen after we leave this earth, would we take it? Could we bare to see the ones we love, so heartbroken and grief stricken?

If we could leave life at this very moment in time, would we take that chance? We would leave our friendships. Our families. Our passions.

Our pains.

We would also leave the loose ends. The mistakes. The unfinished business. The lies.

Our grudges.

Who would come to see me? Who would come to say goodbye one last time?

Who wouldn't bother?

Who would bring me flowers, and cut out my obituary in the paper?

As selfish as this may sound, I want to know that I mattered. That I was important to people. I want to know what would be said about me to others. Was I a good person? Did i always do my best? Did I leave a worthy impression?

Most can remember a name, but more, remember kindness.

This is now a thought that is ever present on my mind. It gently guides me, and helps me decide sometimes the silliest little things.

What will they remember?

On the other hand, what bad things would be said. What unforgotten memories will be stirred up? What hate carried in hearts would come forth from the night and show the REAL side of me. The greed, the lies, the mistakes. All my flaws in a grand parade of mockery.

Exposed.

Who would not attend. What if that someone you thought cared unconditoinally, didn't come say goodbye.

Nobody can outrun their past. It is a constant companion, and our greatest teacher. I am in no way, shape or form, perfect. I have lied, cheated, stolen, broken, and betrayed. Some look at me with total loathing and disgust.

Some live a life of sheer greed, and selfishness. Caring only about themselves and are in noway concerned with the feelings of others.

Take Ebeneezer Scrooge, he was so wicked, the only way to bring him to his senses, was to show him his own death, and the petrifying lack of remorse or sympathy from anyone.

"He got what he deserved," are they right?

Can good deeds erase wrong doings? Is it possible to make up for a less than decent past?

Some folks, have a nasty habit of never forgetting. Many, take grudges to the grave.

Does everyone deserve a second chance? Absolutely. Rarely, do we get things right the first time. So we practice, and hopefully we learn to practice doing what is right.

I believe in eternal consequence. We can't just stand by, be vicious people and then waltz through them pearly gates. We have to earn that right. By being good, honest, admirable people. We may not see the fruits of our goodness in this life, but i am convinced, that we will most certainly someday.

You never know who might be watching you, or what lessons you may be teaching. I find comfort in the fact that even if nobody sees me, i know in my heart that what i am doing, is right.

Will they mourn for you? Will they shed tears of sadness and pain?

Or will some, not even mind your absence?

What will they say about you?

...where are you?

In my effort to maintain some form of masculinity(i have some, well, so I've been told), i posed a question to myself, sitting surrounded by many, but conveniently alone...

"Where are you?"

I struggled to maintain my composure, as an unnatural smile crept across my daydreaming face. Some faces smiled back, others, wore a look of concern, but i didn't care, I was painting a star filled someday.

Together.
Late night talks.
Popcorn fights.
Falling asleep together on the couch.
Taking walks.
Cooking breakfast.
Playing tricks.
Holding hands.

Is it possible to maintain a love? To be just as interested in a someone as you were when you first met? When infatuation and obsession phase comes to an end, what then?

Never fall out of love.

Keep.

On.

Falling.

I asked, and she said yes.

White dress.
Smiles.
Cumberbuns.
Chocolate fountian.
Europe.

One of my dreams, is buying a house as beat up as we are, and turning it into our home. Putting our years together and making something beautiful. Somewhere we can both escape and be alone.

Two tone paint and trim.
Brick walls and wood floors.
Track lights and picture frames.
Antique furniture and brushed nickel.
Matching flatware.
Fireplace.
Working in the yard.

On our day off, sometime we are content to do nothing. Let's just stay home and get some Chinese.

Looking at clouds.
Getting delivery, we went out last night.
Folding each others laundry.
Laughing our guts out.
Taking baths together.(Purely for water conservation of course.)
Secret handshakes.

Will it be perfect? No...but yes. Sometimes it's gonna rain, the key is, to both stay under the umbrella. Sometimes we will disagree, and sometimes we will be REALLY annoyed with each other. Therein lies the beauty. Learning about one another, and digging deeper than just us.

Flowers.
I'm sorry cards.
Chocolates.
Hugs and kisses.
Make up...se...well, you know.
Forgetting.

What adventures we will have. Exploring this big, beautiful world together. Taking our lives on the road, in the air, or under the sea.

Writing postcards.
Hotels.
Taking LOTS of pictures.
Road trips.
Tents.
Sandy beaches.

I want to fight over the silly little things. The everyday choices, and the meaningless nothings.(She will almost always get her way.)

Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese?
The Notebook or Saving Private Ryan?
1% or 2%?
Sushi or Italian?
Tide or Era?
Cheesecake or ice cream?

Sometimes, we don't even need to say anything. All it will take is a look into their eyes, or a nod of your head.

Reading books.
Playing guitar.
Laying in the hammock.
Being barefoot.
Dreaming.

To have a beautiful, caring wife to help raise our children. Hopefully they inherit her looks, all they should inherit from me, is a last name.

Late night diaper runs.
First steps.
Monsters under the bed.
Soccer games.
Dance class.
Disneyland.

Having grandkids, and spoiling them rotten. Growing old, but together. Kissing her wrinkles as she straightens my glasses.

Dentures.
Cruises.
Bingo.
Prune Juice.
Diapers.(Again.)

When the time comes to say goodbye, how could i leave her side? How can she leave mine. We leave knowing that one day, we will be together again. When that day comes, it will be like nothing had ever changed.

Where are you girl? It's getting late and i want to go home.


Miss you,

xoxo

Christopher Michael