depth perception.

Welcome to our ool. (notice, there is no P in it.)

You know the rules.

no running.

no diving.

no splashing.

Always bring your own towel, your own suit, and be sure to wear plenty of sunscreen.

We all swim in this pool, and we all have our favorite spots. Some like the deep end, others like it where their feet can barely touch. Some like it up to their knees, and others only their ankles. Why?

Because we are all, to some degree, SHALLOW.

That's right kids, shallow. Don't believe me? Swim this way.

I like girls. An incredibly true, and fairly blunt statement, but do I like just any ol' gal?

No.

Why?

Because I'm shallow.

{Picture this}

463 pound Annabell. Annabell is 46 years old, and out lookin' for love. She has flaming red hair, brilliantly blue eyeshadow, red rose lipstick...and speakin' a shadows...a 5'o'clock one as well. Her teeth are a buttered popcorn yellow, and as her sausage like fingers fix her hair, she puckers her lips in her handheld mirror. I notice her purple, llama covered sundress, and as I grow closer the classic, socks under the sandals combo. Her 7 dollar perfume is enough to reveal my lunch, as it mingles with the deodorant abandoned armpits. (Given her girth, deodorant is not only impossible, it's impractical.)

Now, if you have painted a likeness anywhere near mine, Annie, isn't my type of girl.

And how do I know this? I have never talked, nor seen her in my life, and know nothing, absolutely nothing about her. For all i know, she possesses every single attribute as would my dream girl.

She loves sushi. She adores the sunshine. She is fascinated by World War II. Loves to laugh, and wants to visit Europe one day. Perfect.

How would one unearth this inner beauty? How could you know that under that llama infested monstrosity, the girl of your dreams is waiting? Well I wouldn't. Because i would outwardly judge Annabell's situation, and come to many, biased conclusions.

1. Look at her! She can't even take care of herself.
2. That outfit is...all around wrongo bongo.
3. She is definitely not sure dry.

Wow Chris, you're a jerk. Oh am I? Would you approach her brother, Alexander, who has an uncanny, if not creepy family resemblance? Why wouldn't you? Because looks matter.

In my experience, the first thing we do to size up another potential playmate, is notice their outsides.

You don't feel an attraction, you move on.

Think about it.

You notice some dude looking fly at a party, great smile, great style, GREAT BUTT. So, you start putting out that vibe. You finally get his attention, lock eyes, and...boom, a connection is made. It is then your priority to go interact with this guy, because that's the next step. Your first thought is not, "OK, I need to talk to every single person in this room, because you never know how wonderful someone is on the inside, if all you do is judge their outside."

If this is how the rest of the world works and I've failed to catch the train, please, someone, correct me. Or, am I absolutely right? Is it possible to see someone, and know, not to mention see, so much more than meets the eye?

I for one, try to look somewhat presentable. I am concerned with the way I look, because I want my someone to be concerned about how THEY look.

I go to the gym, and put my body through ridiculously foolish pain and torture, because I want my someone to take care of their body too.

I brush my teeth, because EVERYONE SHOULD. No excuses here.

Does this make me shallow?

We want to look good with who we are with. This goes for boys and girls. Hey fellas, check out my girl...she is SMOKIN' hot.

Hey ladies, keep your hands off my man, cause he is ALL mine.

It's like a nice car. Anyone, can look good in a nice car.

We do unimaginably terrible things to ourselves for the approval of others. Whatever it takes for us to get that sexy factor.

Lipo. Breast augmentation. Tummy tuck. Face lift. Stomach staple. Hair transplant. Laser.

Raymond is 264 pounds. Has no sense of personal hygiene, and STILL plays with Pokemon cards. He adores cargo shorts, Jerry Springer, and death metal. He eats nothing but fast food, and hasn't done his laundry since 04'. He also just dumped his girlfriend, because he didn't think she wasn't pretty enough for him.

Is Raymond shallow?

We all have likes and dislikes. Things we can't stand, and things we adore.

Meeting someone new is like putting together a jig-saw puzzle. We choose a box that appeals to us, open it up, and find our some one's insides. Likes, dislikes, habits, flaws everything. The only way to really get down to the raw, exposed someone, is to put their puzzle together.

Often the box looks AMAZING on the outside, but houses only boring, and incompatible pieces. Not all the pieces fit. So you put the box away, choose a new one, and start over.

Other times, the pieces all fit and you live happily ever after.

Bottom line?

Like it or not. The initial attraction is more often outward than inward. Why? The outward sparks the attraction, that ignites the quest to learn more. Without the intial attraction, nothing is learned because no effort is involved. Nothing more is searched for. Your mind is made up. Make sense?

Christopher, what does this mean for average looking guys like us?

Well first and foremost, we have to fortify other areas of ourselves to make up for the other not so fortified ones. We know we struggle with looks, but do we with personality? NO. Conveniently enough that is our strong suit. Lucky for us, if you are somewhat near decent looking, a powerful personality can do wonders for skin and bones lacking a certain finesse.

An attraction level can triple at the discovery of another's hidden passions.

We all have our degrees of shallowness, but I believe that this is important. It makes us who we are and attracts those we want to be with. It also weeds out the yucky, smelly, and time wasters. So stay a little shallow, be a little picky, but do not overlook the average, because if you do, many, just like me, are outta luck.

My hands are getting all pruny, time to get out. Pass the sunscreen.

Christopher Michael

ELECTRIC

I AM NOT AFRAID OF A ONE NIGHT STAND.

There I said it, and I don't even feel bad about it.

It's been awhile since I've even felt the warmth of a body cuddled next to me, or a set of puckered lips tasting my own, and i HATE it. So, if you don't want to hear me talk about it, go read a blog about fishing or something.

I was born with two, count em, two weaknesses. One is food. Given my slender frame, most wouldn't think that I eat like a horse.

(I was so hungry, I ate a whole one once.)

I adore food. I love every aspect of it.

The color, the texture, the smell, the whole process of cooking it. Yum.

The second, is skin, and this ladies and gentlemen,

is where I get into trouble.

T

R

O

U

B

L

E

Some of you may be saying to yourselves,

"Christopher, i don't understand what you mean by skin,

could you please enlighten us, because we are terribly curious?"

The female human body, is one of the sexiest and most fascinating things on this earth.

I see hundreds of them everyday.

Some in cars.

Some on the streets.

Some at the store.

Some at the bank.

Some catch me staring.

Mind you they all aren't the same, no no. Some are curvy, like a winding road that I'd like to drive. Others are skinny and straight, like a tree I'd like to climb. Then there are the select few, who have curves where I like em, and long straight lines elsewhere.

Let me break it down for you...

Eyes...who cares?

Legs...yes.

Butt...yes.

Hair...preferably.

Chest...I'm not picky.

BOOBS, DO NOT MAKE OR BREAK A GIRL.

I can go with or without em, so stop stressing about them ladies...sheesh.

Lips...oh man. I'm picky about these. I need full, soft, succulent, pouting lips.

"Christopher, I'm still confused as to where this is going."

Be patient.

I was born with somewhat of a wild side. Shocked right? God blessed me with many wonderful traits. Having said that, he also leveled things out with a lot of, these could be trouble, traits. He gave me a very curious mind, and a greater understanding of the female thought process. Now you're really shocked aren't you?

A pair of hands who have minds of their own,

and a terrible vulnerability when lips approach my ear area.

Have I made some poor decisions? Yes. Am i ashamed?

Not as much as I should be.

I won't hide it from people,

but some things are special and should be kept private right?

Right.

Guys who brag are classless.

How do things go down? Something like this...

We have been hanging out for awhile. We are cuddling on the couch or something, and you whisper in my ear. BOOM. Such a turn on.

Next you keep looking at my lips...I don't have some dinner leftover in my teeth or something do I? You get closer, and I can't take it anymore.

You go 10, and I'm going 90.

ELECTRIC.

Goosebumps.

Short of breath.

Eyes closed tight.

Chemistry, can turn a mediocre night into a fireworks display.

The feeling you get when you touch lips with someone you care about for the first time, is so magical, that i won't even try to describe it for fear of ruining it. Some aren't so lucky when the first kiss sparks, and they would rather forget it. I however was one of the lucky ones.

Now that we are kissing, let's turn things up a notch. I might tug on your ear, play with your hair, bite your lower lip...it all depends on the signals you're flashing, after all I'm following your lead. I'll take over when I'm good and ready, but just know, you take my shirt off, you better be prepared to lose yours as well.

Do i move fast? NO.

Sometimes, I'm just trying to keep up.

That's as far as I'll go.

I don't know much, but i do know this, exploring the skin of someone, can be one of the most special, or one of the most disrespectful things you can ever do.

Respecting a woman,

will do more than thousands of dollars ever could.

I don't know how a dude, can be attracted to another dude. It could be because I haven't experienced that. Sure I have man crushes, Johnny Depp, Brandon Boyd, and John Mayer to name a few. Admiring them is as far as it goes...

OK maybe I want to hang out with them for a day, but that's it!

The silhouette of a female is breathtaking. Male anatomy is less than graceful to say the least, but the lines of the female body...wow.

Men were God's rough drafts, the woman however, his masterpiece.

Now I'm no sexual pervert, or horn dog. Writing this is defiantly a stretch for me i assure you. I'm merely admiring the structure and attractiveness of the ladies in this world.

Now, sometimes we find ourselves in positions, where attachment isn't wanted. You've been through it before and enjoy the single life. Just because you are single, doesn't mean your desires go away. It only means you have to be particularly careful

about how you go fulfilling them.

Sometimes, we get lucky and find someone in the same boat we are.

No strings attached. Awesome.

Now and then, friends go from good friends, to "go to friends." This of course can lead to awkward interaction, and loss of friendship.

No bueno.

Other times we choose wrong, and are stuck with a leech for a month or two, and these can be messy situations. Someone, like it or not, is gonna get hurt.

Point being, I wouldn't mind a one night stand. I'm not talking about hittin' a home run here, maybe just a little lip action and cuddle time. Is that wrong?

We all want that feeling of being wanted. Even if it's just for one night.

Right?

Ladies, why are you so CRUEL to me?

Mr. Cj.

This one's for you pal.

I can't speak good.

I struggle saying out loud what's exactly on my mind. The words just aren't there, and no matter how hard i try to find them, they escape me. The cunning nouns, no good scheming verbs, and those ever elusive adjectives.

When i find myself lost in the moment, i focus so hard on what's being said, that i forget to think of what to say. It's always hard to give someone advice that isn't total b.s. when in fact, you have no idea what it is they are going through.


I couldn't help but worry about you. Call me sensitive, call me a weirdo, but i was needless to say, very concerned. I felt as though there was something inside of you desperately trying to get out, and solve the puzzle that was keeping it all inside.

I would love to give you some expert advice. To help you try and solve all of your problems, and set you free, so to speak. To somehow, shed some much needed light on your cloudy dilemma. I'm not here to preach, nor am I hear to blame.

Are you ready for it?

To put it bluntly,

I got nothin'.


All I have are my life lessons as examples. Many things you are going through are yours and yours alone. I have never stepped foot in that arena, I've only watched from the bleachers.

Now these are merely observations, and are in no way, shape, or form, cures.

I see myself inside of you...uh..allow me to rephrase.

I see a lot of my myself in you...eh...wow.

Hmm.

You and I...

We are very similar. There, much better.

We seem to have this curse to see the deeper side of life rather than the obvious everyday marquees.

Anyone can see a rainbow, but not everyone will find the beauty in it. It is so hard to find a silver lining, when you have a bowl full of cereal, and are COMPLETELY out of milk.

It sometime seems, that no matter how good you are, and how hard you try, nothing good seems to find you. Bad things happen to good people, and sometimes the worst people get all the breaks. Is that fair?

Why aren't the good people being rewarded? Where is the justice?

Life's quicksand has taken a hold of you, and you feel as if giving up, would be easier than fighting your way out.

Giving up, is way harder than trying.

I'm here to tell you cj. Never stop fighting. The day you do quit, is the day regrets bash down your door, and move into your mind, and these guys stay forever.

I've quit on lots of things, and believe me my old friend, I regret a great many of them. I've missed many trains, and have had opportunities slap me in the face, only to be shoved into a corner drawer and forgotten.

"God places the heaviest burdens upon those who can shoulder it's weight."

Does this only mean horrible disasters, or sensitive family affairs? Horrendous accidents or social injustice? In my opinion, no. This can be any number of things. Everything from internal conflict, to questioning life, to being alone.

Life is not easy, and for most, that's a fact.

I'd be more patient if I had the time.

I promise you, that someday all your hard work will pay off.

You are one of the most amazing guys I have had the honor to know. You are lighthearted and know how to find humor in almost anything. You are an amazingly gifted writer, and have a wonderfully unique perspective on life. You know what is right and are always striving to set an example, and this includes when nobody is watching. You are aware of your imperfections and are currently fortifying them. You are a wonderful example to me, and always have been. Your compassion and ambition for others is mind boggling, and being sensitive, sure it might suck if you're a dude, but babes ADORE IT. The woman you find will be a lucky one, and she will see all that I've said and more, on this, i have no doubts.

So what if you don't know what you want to be when you grow up. Some people still don't, heck i know i don't and you're young! You at least, have a few years of school under your belt, and as for me, all i got under my belt, are 4 years of waiting tables. Awesome.

All are impressed by the amount of schooling you have applied yourself to. Anyone else would be overwhelmed. There is a lot of knowledge and wisdom in that noggin of yours.

Everyone that knows you, loves you.
So don't give up. Persevere. Breathe. Relax. Fight.

I love you pal, and will always be around, because let's face it, ya can't get rid of me.

And stop looking for her.

She will find you.

Ding. Ding. Ding.


You ready to rumble?


xoxo-Christopher Michael

question mark.

Death

is

inevitable.

What a bleak beginning eh? Give me a moment of your time, and let's see if we can change that outlook huh?

It was raining. Pouring actually. Everyone was dressed in black, with only hovering umbrellas to provide color. The sky was thick with clouds, and the ground was saturated with wetness.

The headstones wore a cold look of misery, as the rain stained their engraved faces.

My misty breath tickled my eyelashes, as if trying to escape the confines of my body and join the clouds above.

The scene resembled a movie. A picturesque sadness.

A man loved by many, had passed.

The sniffles and whimpers of the group, only magnified my uneasiness. I had been to funerals before, and was in no way fond of them.
One was enough for me, and this was my second in two months.

I placed myself at a distance from my family, foregoing the shelter of the awning, as the falling rain teased my senses.

It seemed the very color of life, was washing away.

Few words were spoken, but powerful were their impressions. Some evoked more than tears, lonely sobs broke the silence in the grayness.

A lump began to form in my tight throat. I fought back, with happy thoughts of my own, and the fact that the unbearable ordeal was nearly over.

It was then time, to bid final goodbyes, as the program began to close. Many left. Gathering themselves and rushing to a warm car, eager to leave this dreary place.

Some, stayed. Not quite ready to say goodbye to their old friend. Their uncle...their father.

Until all that remained, were empty chairs, myself, and a lonely casket.

"What am i doing here," i asked myself. The harder I tried to convince myself to leave, the stronger i felt the impression to stay.

So, I began to walk. I couldn't leave this place while these thoughts danced around in my head.

I had only known my uncle for a short while. Understanding little about him, and somewhat ignorant of my presence being requested on this day.

Nevertheless, this man taught me one of my greatest lessons. Not in the flesh, but in his unfortunate passing.

If we all could have the chance to see what would happen after we leave this earth, would we take it? Could we bare to see the ones we love, so heartbroken and grief stricken?

If we could leave life at this very moment in time, would we take that chance? We would leave our friendships. Our families. Our passions.

Our pains.

We would also leave the loose ends. The mistakes. The unfinished business. The lies.

Our grudges.

Who would come to see me? Who would come to say goodbye one last time?

Who wouldn't bother?

Who would bring me flowers, and cut out my obituary in the paper?

As selfish as this may sound, I want to know that I mattered. That I was important to people. I want to know what would be said about me to others. Was I a good person? Did i always do my best? Did I leave a worthy impression?

Most can remember a name, but more, remember kindness.

This is now a thought that is ever present on my mind. It gently guides me, and helps me decide sometimes the silliest little things.

What will they remember?

On the other hand, what bad things would be said. What unforgotten memories will be stirred up? What hate carried in hearts would come forth from the night and show the REAL side of me. The greed, the lies, the mistakes. All my flaws in a grand parade of mockery.

Exposed.

Who would not attend. What if that someone you thought cared unconditoinally, didn't come say goodbye.

Nobody can outrun their past. It is a constant companion, and our greatest teacher. I am in no way, shape or form, perfect. I have lied, cheated, stolen, broken, and betrayed. Some look at me with total loathing and disgust.

Some live a life of sheer greed, and selfishness. Caring only about themselves and are in noway concerned with the feelings of others.

Take Ebeneezer Scrooge, he was so wicked, the only way to bring him to his senses, was to show him his own death, and the petrifying lack of remorse or sympathy from anyone.

"He got what he deserved," are they right?

Can good deeds erase wrong doings? Is it possible to make up for a less than decent past?

Some folks, have a nasty habit of never forgetting. Many, take grudges to the grave.

Does everyone deserve a second chance? Absolutely. Rarely, do we get things right the first time. So we practice, and hopefully we learn to practice doing what is right.

I believe in eternal consequence. We can't just stand by, be vicious people and then waltz through them pearly gates. We have to earn that right. By being good, honest, admirable people. We may not see the fruits of our goodness in this life, but i am convinced, that we will most certainly someday.

You never know who might be watching you, or what lessons you may be teaching. I find comfort in the fact that even if nobody sees me, i know in my heart that what i am doing, is right.

Will they mourn for you? Will they shed tears of sadness and pain?

Or will some, not even mind your absence?

What will they say about you?

...where are you?

In my effort to maintain some form of masculinity(i have some, well, so I've been told), i posed a question to myself, sitting surrounded by many, but conveniently alone...

"Where are you?"

I struggled to maintain my composure, as an unnatural smile crept across my daydreaming face. Some faces smiled back, others, wore a look of concern, but i didn't care, I was painting a star filled someday.

Together.
Late night talks.
Popcorn fights.
Falling asleep together on the couch.
Taking walks.
Cooking breakfast.
Playing tricks.
Holding hands.

Is it possible to maintain a love? To be just as interested in a someone as you were when you first met? When infatuation and obsession phase comes to an end, what then?

Never fall out of love.

Keep.

On.

Falling.

I asked, and she said yes.

White dress.
Smiles.
Cumberbuns.
Chocolate fountian.
Europe.

One of my dreams, is buying a house as beat up as we are, and turning it into our home. Putting our years together and making something beautiful. Somewhere we can both escape and be alone.

Two tone paint and trim.
Brick walls and wood floors.
Track lights and picture frames.
Antique furniture and brushed nickel.
Matching flatware.
Fireplace.
Working in the yard.

On our day off, sometime we are content to do nothing. Let's just stay home and get some Chinese.

Looking at clouds.
Getting delivery, we went out last night.
Folding each others laundry.
Laughing our guts out.
Taking baths together.(Purely for water conservation of course.)
Secret handshakes.

Will it be perfect? No...but yes. Sometimes it's gonna rain, the key is, to both stay under the umbrella. Sometimes we will disagree, and sometimes we will be REALLY annoyed with each other. Therein lies the beauty. Learning about one another, and digging deeper than just us.

Flowers.
I'm sorry cards.
Chocolates.
Hugs and kisses.
Make up...se...well, you know.
Forgetting.

What adventures we will have. Exploring this big, beautiful world together. Taking our lives on the road, in the air, or under the sea.

Writing postcards.
Hotels.
Taking LOTS of pictures.
Road trips.
Tents.
Sandy beaches.

I want to fight over the silly little things. The everyday choices, and the meaningless nothings.(She will almost always get her way.)

Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese?
The Notebook or Saving Private Ryan?
1% or 2%?
Sushi or Italian?
Tide or Era?
Cheesecake or ice cream?

Sometimes, we don't even need to say anything. All it will take is a look into their eyes, or a nod of your head.

Reading books.
Playing guitar.
Laying in the hammock.
Being barefoot.
Dreaming.

To have a beautiful, caring wife to help raise our children. Hopefully they inherit her looks, all they should inherit from me, is a last name.

Late night diaper runs.
First steps.
Monsters under the bed.
Soccer games.
Dance class.
Disneyland.

Having grandkids, and spoiling them rotten. Growing old, but together. Kissing her wrinkles as she straightens my glasses.

Dentures.
Cruises.
Bingo.
Prune Juice.
Diapers.(Again.)

When the time comes to say goodbye, how could i leave her side? How can she leave mine. We leave knowing that one day, we will be together again. When that day comes, it will be like nothing had ever changed.

Where are you girl? It's getting late and i want to go home.


Miss you,

xoxo

Christopher Michael

my perfect storm.

Christopher Michael,

Who is he? What do people see in their busy minds when those words are spoken?

Some see the comedian, always trying to make light of a situation. Trying to soften a difficult situation, searching for a silver lining. Loving laughter, and holding it close to his heart.

Others see the listener. A boy who instead of sometimes offering advice, would shut his mouth and listen. Giving his full and undivided attention is sometimes all a person needs.

The giver. A young man who is willing to give the shirt off his back to someone. To put himself at an inconvenience to satisfy another. Paying for the lady, holding to door open for her, being a gentleman. Some think his giving as manipulative, means to a motive. Those who think this, don't know him.

The up lifter. Building someone up to see their full uninhibited potential. For speaking his mind, and not just words that need to be heard. Always seeing the good in somebody and praising them for it.

...who do you see?

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved on stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others."

-Pericles

I have just had some of the hardest months of my life. Not because of financial stress, or family drama. Not because of the lack of female attention or the many lonely nights. I feel it's because I don't know who lives inside of me.

A restless soul.

My heart has been silent these last couple months. Not saying much and keeping mainly to himself, for fear of being silenced and hidden away. The brain however, has a lot to say and not enough time to say it. Keeping me up at night with his endless list of worries. Desperately trying to make sense of things. Maybe that's just it. Start feeling and stop reacting. Start learning and stop explaining.

My lips have been pressed together as well. I haven't had much to say, especially out loud, even to dear old friends.

I'm not depressed or angry, it's nothing like that. I'm distracted and unsure. Things that were a priority in my life have just taken a back seat to a new and completely different perspective. Why? Reason escapes me.

Everything I once thought I was, has been erased, like a math problem on a chalkboard. I am solving this equation without any prior training or practice. Starting from scratch.

Plug your ears, my insecurities are screaming.

People say they have changed, that they are a completely new person. I rarely find it tangible and real. They show off the new them for a week or two, determined to stay the course and live this new glorified life. Time sings it's tick tock song and old habits start to fall back into the cycle of everyday nothings.

This change in me, has been overlooked by a great many. It has been nothing more than a whisper. Those who don't know me well enough, assume little less than normal behavior. Those who are close to me have seen this shift, and it is no little thing.

The echos of this shift are endless. To the point of which, some have removed me from their sunny daydream called life, like a weed from a flower patch. They seem to have it all put together.

How dare they.

I was around during the darkest hours of your life. There for support and encouragement. Holding onto hope, doing my best to guide you through the storm. Believing in you. Giving all of myself. A small little rain cloud finds it's way into my conscience. Nothing worth worrying about at first, but gradually growing stronger and stronger with each passing day.

With the slightest hint of rain, you open your umbrella, turn up your nose, and stroll away. Leaving me soaking in my misery. How could you? After everything I've done for you. Your withdrawl only angers my sky, and i am all alone, fighting this seemingly unconquerable foe.

I face the elements with only my life's lessons and pertinent history as armor. The unrelenting wind knocks me down, and the cold rain steals the warmth from my bones. I'm in total darkness, relying on the fury of lighting to aid my failing sight.

With time, the beast is tamed, and only puddles and a happy sun remain. The birds begin to sing their love songs and the flowers show off their vibrant colors. The brave knight stands alone, broken, weak, and distant, looking for someone to guide him home. His eyes strain the distance, coming to grips with the fact that he is still, alone.

Lonlieness and heartbreak are often the results of holding someone to the very same standards they have held you to.

Shame on her.

Shame on her for taking the only thing I have to give, the last thing i have left. The one thing I hold more precious than any material I own, and using it for your selfish lust and gratification. Wringing the very life out of it, using every ounce, and tossing it aside, moving on to the next.

Wounds run deep and heal slowly. Revenge often clouds my mind, wondering if I could somehow make her see what she's done to me. History forbids me, and I hold my broken heart, and begin to stitch the memories back together.

I wish so badly that the influence of others was easy to ignore. Like it or not, we all try and make others happy. Doing whatever it takes to make them see that we genuinely care. Most, are blind. Ignorant to the very sweat on your brow, in effort to see them smile. When no smile creeps across their lips, do we halt our efforts of futility? No. We press on, determined that someday, our hard work will pay off...eventually, i hope it will, but hope is sometimes what becomes of wishful thinking.

I've discovered, that being selfish is sometimes necessary. Taking care of YOU should be the priority. Sadly we are surrounded by those that cannot find the "happy medium." They take it to a level of condemned selfishness and think of nothing but themselves. Property, status, and gain, are the rungs on their social ladder, and if stepping on you will put them in a better predicament, so be it. Stabbing you in the back, and spreading lies are no exception if their perception will change in the eyes of another.

Selfishness is ironic. In being selfish, you're merely looking for acceptance from other selfish people, who in turn, will take advantage of you as well.

I let these people step on me. They walk all over me, without a thank you or look back. Do i mind? No. They are in a better place, but what about me, where am I? Have I taken several steps back for this person? What good has it done me?

Do unto others...

My fuzzy mind is full of explanations. Reasons why I am feeling the way I am, or acting the way I do, and yet no logical reason escapes my sealed lips. If you know me personally, you may have seen the change, or you assume it's merely another rainy day in my daydreams.

Undoubtedly so, the answers to our in explainable questions are nearly always in front of us. The key to finding them? Opening our closed eyes.

Have you seen it?

Christopher Michael

R.I.P

To my few adored followers,

I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, I'm still here and haven't forgotten any of you. The bad news? Well, i seem to have been bitten by the writers block bug. He found me, and bit me hard. I have a couple silly drafts written, but none of them are making the sense my thoughts do. Some of you are happy about this delightful coincidence. Me personally? I'm extremely frustrated and utterly baffled by this new void in my mind.

HELP.

Christopher Michael

perfectly opinionated.

"Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it."
~Salvador Dali


Well folks, there you have it. The truth, in it's raw, wicked, marvelous form. To the perfectionist, this is quite a grim quote. A slap in the face. I wanted to write about something a little different this week. Something that I've been called before, and frankly, something that really irritates me.


Perfect.

Shocked? Me too. I've been called, funny, handsome, manipulative, awkward, weird, flippant, lousy, and confusing...to name a few. Now maybe it's just me, but you can't just throw perfect in there and have things work out. Perfect is a big deal, and only one gentleman, that i know of, truly deserves and honors this word.

So this week i have been thinking about perfect and what it means to me, and how grossly overused it is in our daily conversations. I've reached a conclusion, as i often do, about this word and how to shed a new light on it's meaning.

At first, i thought that there is no such thing as perfect. It is a state in which only one fantasizes of reaching. Totally out of reach, and utterly ridiculous, isn't it? As the words in my mind mixed and mingled, my thoughts began to change. They took on new shapes and colors, and what i came to realize is that perfect isn't perfect at all.

Perfection, or perfectness, is nothing more than an opinion.

A one sided, bias vote of one's self. Some of you at this point are thinking to yourselves, "duh Christopher, way to FINALLY catch on." Be that as it may, i'd like to shed some liquid perspective on your current opinion. Do you mind? Very well, let's begin.

A perfect score.

Who decided what a perfect score was? A group of people who take handfuls of approaches, to judge certain characteristics of a situation...let's say...oh...diving. Several judges submit their scores after a completion of a dive. They judge rotation, revolution, angle of entry, body position, the height of the dive etc...etc. Now, someone at some point in time, decided how to correctly judge the dive, and what a perfect dive, SHOULD look like. It's sounds to me that perfect is merely in the point of view.


Christopher's Perfect # 1

A tall glass of cold water, Miso soup to start, followed by tempura veggies. Then, the crowning jewel of my meal, a Fujisan sushi roll, all of which accompanied by good conversation and laughter. The perfect meal, from Happy Sumo.

The fish hater, would most certainly not call this perfect, and the vegetarian would cringe at the very thought.


Christopher's Perfect # 2

A sandy shore, blazing sun, a good looking, funny, intelligent woman, and the oceans steady breath.


To a fair skinned, easily burned individual, this is absurd, and he would proceed to go take a cold shower. For those who are partial to land, and find the ocean tiresome and gray, Europe would be a much better choice.

You've heard beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Throw beauty out, and pencil perfect in there. Works just as well yes?


"The most valuable thing you can make, is a mistake. You can't learn anything from being perfect."
-Adam Osborne


Our history, shapes our perfects. We learn what we like, what we don't like, and some things we wish we never knew. Think about it for a second. If you had lived the "perfect" life, would you be as smart, or as strong as you are now? Or, has this life already been perfect for you. Custom cut, and custom tailored to you. Do you think the mistakes you have made, or the hard times you have experienced are merely the world picking on you? Or, are they lesson after lesson, strategically placed in front of you to fortify yourself for things to come? Coincidence?

There are no accident's, only opportunities.


Christopher's Perfect # 3

My old Levi jeans, a brilliantly white v-neck, and a pair of silver aviators.


The perfect Man.


Ladies, does he exist? Is he out there?

How bout an example?

Victoria(adore this name), wants a man who is funny, and this is a must. Has a full head of dark chocolate hair, and mysterious eyes. Smart and motivated. Adores his mother, and music. Drives a nice car, and plays the guitar. Can't stand country music, or mustard. Is good with kids, and enjoys traveling. Will drop everything on his plate instantly to cater to her needs, and gives her a foot massage weekly. Is currently in medical school, and looking forward to being a plastic surgeon. Dresses extremely sharp, and has a chiseled 6 pack.

Perfect, no? Well not to me, because firstly, I'm a dude, and don't swing that way, however, he does sound rather charming.

Ladies, is this your perfect man? Is this the ideal image of what you want in a partner? Is he everything you always dreamed of? No, he isn't. This is Victoria's perfect. Sure you may agree with a few things, but a handful of traits, you certainly could do without, and some of those qualities you would have permanently erased. Don't you see? The world has painted the standard picture of what perfect should look like.

Picture Perfect.

Perfect is a white picket fence, a 7 figure income, a busty brunette, and a black Land Rover in the garage. A 3 story custom tudor , with a big backyard, spacious pool, and hot tub nestled in the corner. In reality, this is Ned's 37 year old perfect, and Ned runs the counter at the local drug store.

What drives society and progress, is individual views of perfect. What it should look like, and how it should feel. Who it should apply to, and why. Is this wrong?...absolutely not.

My perfect will not always be the same as your perfect, in fact, it might never be, and that's OK. HOLD ONTO YOUR PERFECT. Keep it just as it is, locked tight, and safe. Just remember that your perfect will not materialize out of thin air and become more than just a fairy tale. Perfect is a constant pursuit, a non stop effort of yourself to get as close to perfect as you can.


"It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinions; it is easy in solitude to live after your own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude." -Ralph Waldo Emerson


Christopher's Perfect # 4

Waking up next to someone you've been looking for all your life and realizing you have finally found your perfect someone.

Perfect is a state of mind, in which one lives, and never rests.

I asked someone once if they believed in true love. If they believed in a one and only and their answer gave me plenty to think about. "I believe in time," she replied, "and that through time, you both become each others one and only."

Perfect.

What does yours look like?

Christopher Michael

all the single ladies.

"Love is a game in which one always cheats."
-Honore De Balzac

On this sphere of estrogen and testosterone that we call earth, there is a constant struggle. Not for land or glory, those battles come and go. Eloquently put, it is a battle of the sexes. The war that has raged since a boy named Adam, and a girl named Eve made a poor, but necessary decision, to have a little snack and the Forbidden Fruit Cafe.

This has led for a constant fight for the upper hand in society. Men are strong and hardworking. Women are mothers, one of the most sacred callings in the world. They are caring, and sensitive. Passionate, driven, and full of wisdom. To me personally, women are MUCH more good looking and sexy, but no matter how long your legs may be, or how beautifully your hair falls across your perfectly symmetrical cheek bones, men are sometimes hesitant.

Frightened almost to approach you, because of the very looks you wear. A good looking girl is hard for me to confront because, sadly i lack the courage, and the facial structure to do so. Women are to angels as men are to gargoyles. Having said this, i have detected a pattern, and from it a hypothesis on women, i hesitate to say it because of the uproar it may cause, but hopefully it will open a few pairs of eyes. Are you ready ladies?

You're all crazy.

There i said it. Now before you put the blame on men, or call me a self righteous pig, hear me out for a few minutes. I have evidence to back this "erroneous" claim.

This conclusion, is based on various claims and nothing but the most reliable of sources...which is in fact ironic, because all subjects have been women, and therefore are impaired of proper judgement, but if I'm wrong, please, by all means, stop me.Now i realize I'm picking on you ladies. You've done nothing wrong and don't deserve this one sided opinion. I'm only an outsider looking through the stained glass of your lives. I just can't help but notice a pattern, and this is what it boils down to.

You like to be treated poorly.

Why? What is it about jerks that is so attractive to women? Is it an obstacle you want to conquer? A trophy you want to claim? You have this instilled sense, that somehow you can break him of his ways and turn him into whatever your heart desires. That you, and only you can make this boy love you.

Like breaking a wild stallion.

I have seen countless examples of this. Now things don't start off this way mind you, it slowly but surely becomes apparent. In the beginning things are like a fairy tale. He is sweet, funny, and charming, but you're not fooled. He's a guy and they are all the same. They want a little action, and they are willing to go to great lengths to get it. They will say anything and do almost just as much to prove themselves. Whatever it takes. So naturally, you throw up your walls. "He will never get through these," you foolishly tell yourself.

Time sings it's tick tock song, and you have no walls left. He has torn them all down and moved into your newly vacated heart, in which you gladly accept. He has proved to you that he is different and that he cares for you and only you.

Then things start to change.

"If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife."
-Ann Landers

He lies to you. He cheats on you. He uses you.

The term love is blind?... never rung so true.

You know he is lying to you and seeing someone behind your back, and you know better, but you invite him right back for more. You love him, and he loves you. People make mistakes. I can forgive him. Your love is your undoing. The trap is set, and baited.

Your friends warn you, they try to make you see. They are desperate to rescue from a grim fate. You don't know what to do anymore.

Now some of you are smart, you tell him to get lost and never come back. He isn't worth your tears or hurt. It's not that easy. This boy you chose is very persuasive, and good with words. He convinces you that he is "not like that anymore," "he's changed," "he loves you."

"It's me or her," you say. "Of course it's you babe," he pleads. "She doesn't mean anything to me, i made a mistake and i've changed." Funny thing is. one isn't enough for him, he's already had this conversation with someone else, and he said the EXACT same things to HER as well.

It seems to me that you are holding onto hope. Hoping one day he will completely change his ways and come running back into your arms to stay. Is there anything wrong with this? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Trust and compassion are qualities not to be brushed aside. It's something that makes you women so beautiful and attractive.

And ironically enough, he insists nothing has changed, when in fact everything has. It's like you're dating someone completely different. His stories don't match up. You don't go out and have fun. You haven't laughed in weeks. He talks in circles and gets angry when he is backed into a corner or caught in a lie.

And then it happens. You find out that everything he said he would never do, he has been doing. Over and over again, and your fragile heart is broken all over again.

Now what?

You're left all alone to pick up the pieces.You kick yourself for being so foolish, how did i get into this situation? It will never happen to me again. You cry and remember all the good days. He is gone, but is it for good? Before you know it, he's back. This time with explanations and rationalisations, and then he does this...

He makes all this your fault.

What's worse than his absurd lies, is the fact that you start to believe them. He uses his words as weapons, and makes you feel worse than you do already. You made him cheat, because you did this, or didn't do this...he had no choice.

Some of you are stronger, and don't fall for this. You know he was wrong and you now have learned your lesson. The fact that your ok, annoys the livin' outta him. You should be consigned to lay in bed for the rest of your days crying, because your heart is so broken. But wait, he has moved on, why can't you? He never cared, why should you?

So you move forward...with new purpose. "I'll never fall into that trap again," you promise yourself. NO MORE RELATIONSHIPS. So you go out, meet new people, remember what's it's like to laugh again and have fun, and then you feel like you are ready to try again, smarter and stronger this time around. The exact moment he catches wind of you dating someone other than himself, you receive a text message, "that was fast," or "whose the new boy?" Something like that.

You can't move on, he won't let you. He wants you still stuck on him. Still holding out, waiting for that miracle change of heart. The fact that your with another, stirs up jealousy he didn't know he had. The fact that you are happy now bothers him. He isn't by any means, so why should you be?

You never know what you've got until it's gone...and he wants you back because misery loves company...

Does this ring true to any of you? It's merely an observation from a love famished young boy. I could be wrong...but i could be right. I have been cast aside because i am too perfect.

You heard me. Too perfect, and it makes perfect sense, because some of you don't want the trust, the affection, or to be spoiled beyond measure. You would rather be miserable. Drowning in regrets and memories. You all deserve to be treated like queens ladies. Valued and held in such high regard, men are willing to set aside their own needs and put yours before their own. Never settle. Hold those standards high and never lower them. It might take time to find a gentleman willing to build his own just as high to meet your own. Don't let boys walk all over you, meet them head on, and stand your ground, and as a good friend of mine, John Mayer, said "Say what you need to say."

Never settle.

Do i think you're all really crazy? No, i don't. Sometimes it may seem that way, but that's what love is, taking chances and learning from them. Being vulnerable and moving forward.

Love is organized chaos.

"To cheat oneself out of love is the most terrible deception; it is an eternal loss for which there is no reparation, either in time or in eternity."
-Soren Kierkegaard

i don't need to say anymore, did i leave anything out?

Sincerely yours ladies,

A nice guy finishing last,

Christopher Michael

rewinding forward.

"If you don't hurry up and let life know what you want, life will damned soon show you what you'll get."
-Robertson Davies

The thoughts of my mind have been simmering all week. I've been trying to pin down this feeling i have inside and make him explain himself. I'm afraid as to how my words will fall into your ears. This is simply my perspective on a particularly irritable subject. Tonight, my attempt to wrestle this vandal to the ground begins. Feel free to lend me a hand, and help me bring this criminal to justice, but for now, would you like to hear a story about a monkey?

In Africa, there is a unique monkey hunting style. Simple yes, but incredibly effective. In a trap, a hunter places some ripe fruit. The monkey irresistibly drawn to the ripened fruit, grabs the goods, tries to get away with his plundered booty, and in so doing, sets off the trap. Because of this traps unique design, only the monkey's arm and hand are in peril. He has only a small hole in which his arm is caught, but for some reason, he is completely helpless. His hand has gotten a little larger, and this monkey could easily free himself, if he would just let go of the fruit.

He will do no such thing. He is determined to free himself and enjoy his newly acquired entree. Time is not on his side, soon the hunter returns, and lops the poor monkey's arm off, because he will not let go of his fruit. The end.

A little odd start yes, but so eye opening to me. This monkey is ready to die, for the meager feast in his tiny hands. Focused on the present, and not what's to come.

All he needs to do is let go.

We all have been stuck in this trap. Holding onto the fruit of our past. Clinging, desperately trying to salvage broken words and remember sunny days. People. Memories. Feelings. What are you holding onto? For me, it's the people i cared about. The people i told my secrets. Secrets my soul vowed it would never whisper to anyone, ever. The feelings i felt while wrapped up in some one's thoughts. The good times, the bad times. The smell of their skin. The taste of their kiss.

Then, it all goes away. Your everything is replaced with nothing. All you have left are your memories, and another piece of your precious heart, is gone. Now it begins...

The sleepless nights laying in bed, wondering about everything that's happened. The un answered questions, the loneliness, the cold. The pain of tears, and the faded memories. How could they throw this all away? Did it ever mean anything? Did i waste all my time?

Can you relate?

"Take a second out to think about this: in your life, you search and search for the right person for you. Every time you break up with someone you get one step closer to that person. You should look at moving on, as one step closer to meeting the one."

-Ian Philpot

It is easy for me to question everything. To wonder why i wasted all my time and effort for someone who never cared, or treated me right. Everything i ever said, i resent and wish i could take back. All the late nights, all the silly fights, all the presents, favors, kisses, laughter... meaningless. I go from used and hurt, to angry and selfish, to shocked and confused. So what do I do? How can I possibly go on without you?

I, "get over you."

I move on. I take back things I said, in an attempt to get even. Nothing mattered, the promises, the talks, the feelings, nothing. Everything, and anything, I take back, to prove that I was never fooled. I never cared about you either, jokes on you sucker. I try and get back in the game immediately, to try and hide my true feelings. Except there is one tiny, inseey weensy, little, fine print detail.

I'm lying.

Beneath all the charades and fancy lights, I'm broken. I have fallen apart without you and are wishing with every ounce of strength, that things could go back to the way they were, and I will wake up from this bad dream. Or I wish that I could just "get over you," and move on.

This is what I'm trying to write about tonight. Moving on.

To me this is a very picked on phrase. It's a one way street, do not pass go, do not collect $200, case closed phrase. I've moved on, or, i think it's time we both moved on, to coin a few phrases. Moving on is important yes, "getting over" someone, is essential in getting yourself back on a healthy track, but how does someone move on? Herein, lies one of my greatest challenges.

My attachment level grows exponentially with time. I fall quick, and I fall hard. My love is a brush fire, it starts in a flash, burns hot, and just as quick as it's started, it's out in an instant. Even with this knowledge, i struggle with moving on.

To me, this phrase is not accurate. So I'd like to introduce a new one, Moving Forward.

I'm done "getting over" someone. Done trying to forget the words i said, or the places we've been, because i never want to get over them...any of them. I want to remember every breath i took with them. Every kiss, every giggle, every touch. Why would i want to get over that? Why forget something so wonderful and special, but who said anything about forget?

Moving forward, is not forgetting.

The past can be painful yes, and truth's dagger, is one of the sharpest in this life. It's wounds are slow to heal, and some of the deepest we receive. Some memories are too hard to walk away from, too painful to conquer. Our past is what holds us back. We are holding on so tightly to it, that we will never get out of our trap. All we need to do is let go of it, but NEVER FORGET it. Remember the lessons you've learned, and the things you wish you had done. LEARN. Sometimes this means letting go of those we loved, remembering them, but not letting them hold us back from MOVING FORWARD.

Why forget? These people came into your life for a reason. They are here to teach you, love you, shape you. Sadly sometimes, the feelings are only one way, thus making things so hard. You can hold onto someone as long as you'd like to, but just because you're holding onto someone, it doesn't mean they are holding onto you.

"If you can't fly, run. If you can't run, walk. If you can't walk, crawl, but by all means, keep moving."

-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I'm learning to walk forward, and remember my past without getting stuck in it. I'm learning to recognize the lessons I've been taught by those who are moving forward. I'm not holding onto anyone from my past, but I'm remembering them without losing myself over them.

I'm so over getting over someone.

liquid perspective.

Sometimes i look back at the things my mind writes. i look back and wonder why i was feeling this way on that certain day, and what good my words would do me.


how can typing little letters, and putting them together make beautiful, striking words? some of you weave patterns with words i have only dreamt of and envied.

this in no way, is a plea for sympathy, or an R.S.V.P. to my pity party, merely an explanation, a free tour of my mind's memories. this blog goes out to someone new, and unusual. tonight i do not write for me. i write because i never know who might need to hear a certain word, or feel a little lighter. it could be the clutter in my mind on paper. so pay attention and watch your step, you never know what words you may stumble over. I'm not giving advice, just an approach my heart makes.
"God places the heaviest burdens on those who can carry it's weight."

-Reggie White
this quote, was given to me by my beautiful, dear old friend, Miss M. It has stuck with me ever since.

i used to view life as a constant struggle. nothing ever good was placed before me, why am i so picked on? when do i get my break?

i coined these phrases because of one word. a word which rocks me to my very core, and with it comes one of my biggest and darkest fears.

Divorce.

my mother has been divorced, and my father has been divorced. Let's just say i've been through more than one.

One was enough for me i assure you. these experiences left a deep black smudge on my heart. My trust was gone, my hope had dissolved, and my dreams of one day finding someone for me and only me, were forever tainted. everything i had seen in movies, and read about in fairy tales, came splashing down right before my eyes.

the seed of doubt had been planted after divorce number 2. i was at an age where i knew somewhat the circumstances surrounding this awful word, but not quite old enough to grasp it's slippery meaning. Three was none better, and 4 seemed easy.

Now here i am. Twenty three years old, and number 5 happened only a few weeks ago.

Several nights ago, mom had fallen asleep on the couch, and Trace, my younger brother, needed to be put to bed. After several books, i picked up his fragile little body, and placed him in bed. He looked up at me and began to cry.

"What's wrong buddy?" I asked. With tears in his eyes, clutching his blanket tightly, he looked at me and sobbed, "I've lost my daddy."

i felt as though i had gone through a wormhole in some science fiction movie, and had somehow traveled through twenty years of my past, found myself, and was looking into my own eyes.

with those tiny words, my heart slid down into my slippers, and my breath was stolen away.

What could i possibly say? How could i make him understand? I wanted to so badly make him see that he had not lost his daddy, he just wasn't around tonight.

I had been there, twenty years ago, alone with no daddy. With tears in my eyes, i picked him up, and crawled into bed with him. A few minutes later, with his head on my chest, blanket in hand, we were both asleep.

this lesson will stay in my heart forever, one of the most profound and deeply moving realizations i have yet experienced, and out of the mouth of my three year old baby brother.

i now know that divorce can be a blessing in disguise, and it has taken years to learn it.
I was able to grow close to my wonderful grandparents, who took us in, and sheltered us when we had nowhere else to go.
It lead me to Utah, where i have met eight of the most amazing boys, in my opinion, on this earth.
It brought my younger brother Josh into my life, and what a blessing he is.
It gave me memories i wouldn't trade for anything on this earth.

The reasons may be few, but they are of eternal importance.

My mother and father were once having an argument, mom carelessly threw out, "why did we ever get married?" To which my father replied, "To have two beautiful, and amazing children."

Life is a matter of Perspective.

I no longer blame my parents for my miserable life. I attracted the misery i held in my heart. we only hold ourselves back from getting everything we've ever wanted. Blaming the world is easier and convenient. Why blame myself? My life's been hard enough as it is.
"The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same."

-Carlos Castaneda
I've been so blessed in this life. i have so many wonderful memories and gifts that the lord has so graciously given me. I've been blessed with an amazing family, the best friends a guy could ask for, and talents others only wish they had. Through the hard times you lose sight of what you've been given, and what's important, this is what being human is all about.

It is so hard to find the silver lining in a rain cloud, when all you need is sunshine. This is one of life's great challenges. Finding the good in this world, when it sometimes seems there isn't much left. Good is all around us, we just need to dig deeper than ourselves and find it. Easier said than done, sometimes our history rears it's ugly head and complicates everything.

Each past and situation is unique. Nobody ever knows how you feel, they don't know what you're going through. They may think they do, but in reality they have no idea. They couldn't be more wrong. When the last thing you want is advice, the world bombards you with it. Sometimes all we need is a good pair of ears, a closed set of lips, and sympathetic eyes to make us feel better.
" There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of sadness, and the word 'happy' would lose it's meaning if it were not balanced by sadness."

-Carl Jung
I chose to take something thought to many as, less than pleasant, and turned it into the backbone of my character. I feared i could not outrun my parents past, and so i resigned myself to a similar fate. Now i understand why it was placed in my life, and the countless lessons i have learned from them. I make my own choices, and live my own life. Through my wonderful parents i have learned what to do, and what not to do. I in no way think they failed. If anything they taught me some of my greatest lessons.

If you, like me, have had the opportunity to experience divorce in your life, i have no idea how you feel or what you're going through...but i can most certainly relate.

Good luck out there.

Christopher Michael

tick tock song

what's times problem?

....i have never met a more indecisive, and inconsistent thing in my life. when you want time, you don't have it, and when time is the last thing you need, you have months of it.

I'd like to think that time knows exactly what it is doing. he has been around the block before and he knows whats up, but sometimes i wonder.

seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years....moments.

i have had 23 years of time.

23 years to learn and grow.

...and yet, i know so little. Not only about how to live my life, our how to solve a complicated set of algebra problems(which i currently could not), but about myself. I have no idea who lives inside of me, but i see him everyday.

He lives for hot blueberry muffins, and a nice big glass of cold water on a hot day. He cries more than a man should. He hates hypocrites, and self righteous ignorance. His guilty pleasures include warm skin and soft lips. One of his greatest frustrations is the opposite sex, and is done trying to understand them, and just trying to co-exist with them.

He has made some mistakes. Some things, he wishes so badly he could take back. Just to go back in time and try to do things right.

As much as he wants this, doing so would only make things worse. His mistakes and failures have shaped him into the man he is today. What would he be without a past? You learn nothing from success, failure teaches you better than any lucky break ever could.

At times he wishes he could erase people from his past and paste in new faces. Dissolve his memories and post new ones.

start from scratch.

...but again. the people he has met have only been for good...as hard as it sometimes can be, he knows they have come into his life for a reason, and left an eternal footprint on his life's path, however big or small.

I have had the privilege of meeting people in this life, distinctly placed in my path for a reason, some not yet known to me, but a select few;

A, you taught me patience, and tolerance. The importance of persistence and communication. Saying how you feel, not writing it. You taught me how to see.

M, you taught me, that beauty and the very breath of life is all around, just spread your wings and let nothing stop you from flying. You taught me how fun haunted things can be. You gave me hope.

L, you taught me priorities, and the importance of getting them in line and being aware of where you stand. You also taught me how it feels to let someone you know you loved, walk away. You showed me what life could be.

H, you taught me that people can be really good looking but also kind and giving. The importance of functional grammar, and the proper use of it. When to clap at a concert, and how deeply music can run in a family. You left me star gazing.

The time shared with these wonderful people will be held close to my heart forever. Some of my life's most valuable lessons are from these individuals. I do not regret a moment. Thank you all.

Time isn't a bad guy out to get you and ruin your life. He is a friend and ally in this crazy world. Sometimes he is on your side, and sometimes when you need him most, he is nowhere to be found.

The clock sings it's tick tock song and every doubt and fear reveals itself. I truly do believe that time heals all things, but only on one condition.

Me and you.

We have to let the scars of our past heal, and stop holding onto careless words. Something that someone said to you 4 years ago should not be placed in our pocket, and pulled out for a later debate.

Easier said than done.

advice is so easy to give, yet SO hard to incorporate, and blend into our busy lives. Difficult to remember when times are tough and advice is the last thing you want, especially coming from a silly dreamer.

i once knew a man who worked at a watch factory,

one day i asked him what exactly he did,

he simply replied,

"not much, i just sit and make faces all day."

Thank you time. I'm going to try and use you a little more wisely...

tick tock.

tick tock.

Time flies,

Christopher Michael